Lou: So, Mr. Goldberg Senior, are you retired?
Pop-Pop: You know, 14 years ago, these sons of bitches gave me a Timex watch and shoved me out the door. They got the best years of my life. [grunts] So, screw them.
Geoff: What are you up to these days?
Pop-Pop: Well, most recently, uh, I'm being grilled by this grinning schnook who thinks he's Donahue.
Geoff: I'm sorry.
Pop-Pop: For what?
Geoff: Engaging you.

Pop-Pop: When are we eating, Murray? I don't like these people.
Murray: These people can hear you.
Pop-Pop: They know how they are.
Beverly: Okay, well, I just got off the phone with Erica. Everything's fine, but they're a... a bit delayed somewhere over Pittsburgh.
Geoff: Oh, no, the Steel City! They have so many rivers!

Beverly: Great news, everyone. Thanksgiving dinner is...
Pops: Please say served.
Beverly: ...tomorrow.
Murray: [groans] How is a Friday Thanksgiving great news?
Beverly: Someone pulled a Marvin, and the kids are stuck in Nashville.
Geoff: Music City? Oh, no! So much hot chicken and angry fiddlin'!

Geoff: Don't worry, Bar. I'm staying.
Barry: A man of courage.
Geoff: Oh, you misread that. I-I'm not here for you. I-I get to stay because it's Erica's will.
Barry: This is not fair! We're both freshmen! We're technically equals!
Geoff: He does have a point, angelface.
Erica: Whoa, whoa, whose side are you on, Schwartz?
Geoff: Sorry, Big Tasty. Erica's threatening tone was new information.

Erica: Fine. You want the room? Then I get the car tomorrow.
Barry: What? It's my car day! I was gonna do fishtails in the ShopRite parking lot! Geoff-er-ee, throw a flag.
Geoff: Again, my fault for assuming you two would demonstrate the most basic courtesy to each other.
Barry: Fine! Take the car. I'm taking the computer.
Erica: Uh-uh! I have a paper due tomorrow!
Barry: That you're gonna have to write by hand.
Erica: No! Geoff, do something.
Geoff: Bar, the computer's supposed to be for doing actual work, not to hug vindictively so as to prevent someone else from using it.
Barry: Well, you never specified that.
Geoff: He got me. I never explicitly said "no computer cuddling."

Erica: Dude, my mom's down there trying to talk Pops into being the top of our human pyramid. Is this really what you want to be a part of?
Geoff: I'm not married to a pyramid, but some sort of people-stacking with your family is what I want. I mean, we've been dating for years now, and I'm with your family all the time, and now we're living together.
Erica: That last thing being our very carefully guarded secret.
Geoff: I know. And it might be corny, but it's what I want.
Erica: Geoff, you're such a sweet and sensitive boy, which is why I say this in the gentlest way possible. Don't be a [bleep] idiot.
Geoff: [gasps] Not in front of Bear-rah Fawcett!

Erica: Okay. You need to accept it's not gonna happen.
Geoff: Why not?
Erica: It's my parents. They're just old-fashioned that way.
Geoff: Well, then I guess I'll just have to get your family to see what they're missing out on. My Geoffer-vescence.
Erica: Super bubbly. But it's best to just sit this one out.
Geoff: But that photo pyramid sounds so fun. I just want so badly to be under your dad or on top of your grandpa.
Erica: [gags] I- I know you don't know why, but we are not gonna kiss for a while.

Pops: Why is this meshugenah blocking the tube? I want to see if Simon makes up with Simon.
Geoff: I stand before you with a comprehensive presentation of why I should be in your family photo.
Murray: I'm not looking at any of that.
Geoff: And I knew you wouldn't, because, as a fixture in this home, I know everything about you.
Murray: Then you know I'm irritated.
Geoff: Which is why I brought you a bacon and egg sandwich with a side of another bacon and egg sandwich.
Murray: Eh. Do what you do, egg man.

Geoff: Pretzels and milk, anyone? It's Mr. Goldberg's favorite snackable drink.
Erica: My dad likes it for some reason.

Geoff: So fun. Let's start a feud with your family, Erica.
Beverly: [normal voice] Oh, we don't feud against ourselves. [doorbell rings]
Erica: Then who? Tell me who.
Beverly: Please welcome the Schwartz family. Lou and Linda, come on down.
Geoff: Mom? Dad?
Linda: Hi, sweetie.
Lou: We brought carrots!
Linda: Whoo!
Geoff: Bathroom again!