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‘WrestleMania’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: WrestleMania

707. WrestleMania

Aired November 6, 2019

Murray surprises Adam and Barry with tickets to see WrestleMania. Meanwhile, Beverly forms her own competing neighborhood watch group after her friends elect their neighbor Jane instead of her.

Quote from Murray

Murray: No more wrestling in this house. No more TV, no more dolls, all holds barred!
Barry: What about my monthly wrestling magazine?
Murray: Subscription cancelled!
Adam: Or the Rock 'n' Wrestling coloring book?
Murray: I want your crayons, too!
Barry: What about the Wrestling Stars board game?
Murray: You lose!
Adam: Sling-'Em Fling-'Em Wrestling Ring?
Murray: Why would anyone want that?
Barry: "Macho Man" Randy Savage plush wrestling buddy?
Murray: I swear you said that one already.
Adam: Wrestling Superstars Thumb Wrestlers?
Murray: Did I buy you all these?

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Quote from Murray

Barry: "The Honky Tonk Man's" guitar?
Murray: Now you're just making these up!
Adam: Jesse "The Body" Ventura's boa.
Murray: Be careful with that. It's your sister's.
Barry: Hulk Hogan's glasses.
Murray: I've been looking for those!
Adam: Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake's hedge clippers.
Murray: Those belong in the garage!
Barry: Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, master of the figure four leglock.
Murray: Who's naming these guys?
Adam: Or "The British Bulldog's" teacups.
Barry: Cheerio.
Murray: Those are for good company!

Quote from Beverly

Officer Puchinski: But I suppose you can start with a neighborhood watch. You know, pick a captain and walk around the neighborhood.
Beverly: Well, then it's settled. [chuckles] Everyone will sleep safely tonight knowing that Captain Beverly Goldberg is your champion of peace...
Jane: I'll do it.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was our neighbor, Jane Bales, the one person in town who was even more Beverly Goldberg than Beverly Goldberg.
Beverly: Oh. Jane. How cute. I think, though, everybody agrees I should be captain because Beverly Goldberg gets things done.
Jane: Except the person who really gets things done is Jane Bales. [puts coffee mug down]
Beverly: [laughs] Well, she gets 'em done without a coaster [chuckling] apparently. Let me tell you how Bevy G gets things done. I'm the kinda lady who will return a bathing suit without a receipt.
Jane: Big whoop. I returned a bathing suit without a receipt after wearing it for a year. [all gasp]
Beverly: I once returned just an elastic waistband to a store I didn't even buy it from because that is what kinda nightmare I am.
Jane: I returned a one-piece I didn't even have in my possession to a bank. Oh, yeah, I am a walking demon on this Earth. [all gasp]

Quote from Murray

Adam: Cage-side seats? This is amazing!
Barry: We're gonna have the greatest day of our lives!
Murray: Hell, yeah, we are!
Barry: Wait. You're going, too?
Murray: Yeah. I wouldn't let you go to Wrestletown without me.
Adam: WrestleMania.
Murray: I can't wait to see Hunk Hoggins.
Barry: Hulk Hogan.
Murray: And Andy Macho Dan Rather.
Adam: Randy "Macho Man" Savage.
Murray: All the greats!

Quote from Geoff

Virginia: Oh, gosh, Bevy, I'm a wreck. Someone broke into my car last night.
Beverly: Oh, no!
Virginia: They put a giant hole in my windshield.
Erica: You know, Geoff had the same thing happen to his crappy car last night.
Geoff: Yeah, someone put a hole in my windshield, too. And in my sense of well-being.

Quote from Geoff

Beverly: Thank you for coming, everyone. I've got Officer Puchinski here to give us some tips about how to deal with this crime wave and make sure that nobody gets decapitated.
Geoff: Decapitated? It's just a hole in my windshield!
Beverly: Well, that's how it starts, Geoffrey. Do you have any enemies?
Geoff: Well, the sun is no friend of mine. I freckle up fierce.
Beverly: We're not talking about your gross skin.
Beverly: We're talking about someone that might want to separate your head from your shoulders, and do God knows what with it.
Geoff: Somebody please do something!
Beverly: Officer, any leads on who might lop off Geoff's head?

Quote from Barry

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my mom lost her bid for captain, my brother and I were hoping to win big with our dad.
Barry: Father, out of respect for you and "Manimal," we waited for a commercial.
Adam: Indeed. But the most important event in human history, WrestleMania IV, is happening, and we humbly seek your help.
Barry: This request is merely financial.
Adam: And since you know we respect the enraging-yet-reasonable wrestling ban due to broken lamps and Barry's toe, which is healing ahead of schedule...
Barry: It is way not, but such is life.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Murray, you don't just inject yourself into their lives like it's normal. What's going on?
Murray: Remember that, uh, dermatologist I saw last year?
Pops: I knew I'd outlive you.
Murray: No. My skin is perfect. But the doctor, not so much. He's dead.
Pops: Dr. Lewenstein? He was younger than you and very active.
Murray: Yeah, well, it didn't matter. One day, he's camping with his kids, the next day, poof, he's gone.
Pops: He always had his shirt off. Abs like a xylophone.

Quote from Pops

Murray: The point is, if something like that happened to me, my kids wouldn't even be able to say that we went camping.
Pops: Barry hates camping. He can barely poop indoors.
Murray: Camping is just an example. It could be anything. Otherwise, what are they gonna say about me?
Pops: That you had the decency to keep your shirt on.
Murray: And you're Bruce Lee?
Pops: Look, you've been saying all year how you want to make some memories with the kids. Now's your chance.
Murray: That's what I'm doing. I'm throwing away good money to watch something I hate. That's a memory that'll last forever.
Pops: You wanna make it special? Take them to see it in person.

Quote from Geoff

Beverly: Now, I've gone over this map, and I have determined that all of the car break-ins in this neighborhood have happened on this block.
Geoff: Oh, no! A pattern!
Erica: It's two pushpins, Geoff.
Geoff: You see it, too!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Excuse me a sec. [static hisses] Erica, go for Chief of Enforcement Bev. Over?
Erica: Mom, I told you I don't want any part of this.
Beverly: [static hisses] What's that? A disturbance. Over?
Erica: [static hisses] Please leave me alone.
Beverly: [static hisses] A 521? Copy that. Over!
Erica: [static hisses] You keep saying "over," but then it's not over.
Beverly: [static hisses] Chief of Enforcement signing off. [static hisses] Well, we must go. And while you're standing around letting your bodies go to rot, we'll be keeping mayhem off the streets. Lock and load, Schwartz!
Geoff: Load what?
Beverly: Just follow me.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Hey, hey, hey! Let's do this!
Adam: Dad?
Barry: What the hell, man?
Murray: I've been watching wrestling. I love "Ding Dong" Randy.
Barry: It's "King Kong" Bundy. And why are you wearing Erica's old bathing suit?
Murray: 'Cause it's what a good dad does. Here, one of you Hulk-a-mannequins hold my keys. [clicks tongue]
Barry: So we stick with the plan?
Adam: We stick with the plan. And maybe get him a robe on the way out.

Quote from Beverly

Jane: Stop everything. I just discovered my car's windshield had a rock tossed through it!
Beverly: Damn it! I need to get back out there. I can't believe I wasted time talking to you haggard pumpkins!
Jane: No need. Because I think you'll discover the person who committed this crime is none other than Beverly Goldberg. [all gasp]
Beverly: I don't think I like what you're implying, Jane.
Jane: And there was a note attached. ["**** you, Jane!"] [all gasp]
Beverly: Wait. You all think that I would do this?
Virginia: Well, it is something you might say.
Essie: Have said.
Linda: Yeah. Like a lot.
Essie: In front of our children.
Beverly: In that case, um, [bleep] you... [all gasp] ... and your [bleep] frazzled [bleep] faces. I know that doesn't help my case. But [bleep] all of you.

Quote from Geoff

Beverly: Thank you all for coming and thank you once again to my brother-in-arms, Officer Puchinski.
Jane: Well, I assume we're here so you can fess up to cracking my car window.
Beverly: Oh, I did crack something, Jane. I cracked the case. [women gasp] Yeah. That's right. The person who broke the windows was... this guy. [all gasp]
Geoff: A pinecone?
Erica: And it would've gotten away with it if it weren't for you.
Jane: Please. I mean, this is really who you want leading your neighborhood watch?
Beverly: Both Ginzy and Geoff parked underneath the giant pine tree out front. The autumn breeze loosened one of the cones, and... Whammo! Broken glass.
Virginia: That does make sense.
Geoff: Of course! Pinecones! They're nature's rocks!
Erica: Rocks are nat... Never mind.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I can't believe we're missing the greatest wrestling match in the history of humankind.
Adam: And I can't believe Dad just wanted to spend time with us.
Barry: It's not just that. He went to something he hated for us, and instead, we body-slammed his heart.
Hulk Hogan: [clears throat] I couldn't help, but overhear.
Barry: The Hulkster?
Adam: Hulk Hogan?
Hulk Hogan: Listen, brother.
Barry: He knows we're brothers.
Hulk Hogan: Your dad sounds like a pretty good father, brother.
Barry: No, he's our dad. We're brothers. I'm your biggest fan, but you sound like an idiot right now. [chuckles]
Hulk Hogan: Look, if your dad wants to make an effort, you should, too. You've only got one father, brother.
Adam: Whoa, he drops fools and knowledge!
Barry: I'm on it, Hulk! Thank you!
Hulk Hogan: Scram!

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, every kid was obsessed with professional wrestling's greatest superstars. Especially me!
Adam: You're gonna feel pain you've never known, Iron Sheik! Bodyslam! [grunts] [creaks]
Murray: You moron! You broke the bed!
Adam: And The Iron Sheik's spine, so American values are preserved!
Murray: Where do you come from?

Quote from Barry

Adult Adam: Yep. We even made movies about wrestling. But no one loved it more than Barry.
Barry: Listen up, Hulkamaniacs, you better eat your vitamins and say your prayers 'cause these 24-inch pythons are gonna have lots to say about it, brother! [glass shatters] Ow, my toe!
Murray: Dammit! This is why we can't have nice lamps!
Barry: Chad did it! He's...
Adam: What?
Barry: .. very aggressive and should know better as a guest in our home!
Chad: I do know better, which is why I didn't!
Barry: And just throw some lies on top of your trail of destruction, Chad! This guy.
Adam: We were just making a wrestling film.
Murray: Well, now you're just sitting in my lampless room making nothing. I'm shutting it down!

Quote from Barry

Adam: Or my "Rowdy" Roddy Piper stretch wrestler?
Barry: That's actually my Rowdy Roddy Piper stretch wrestler!
Adam: No, it's my Rowdy Roddy Piper stretch wrestler! You lost your Rowdy Roddy Piper stretch wrestler at the zoo!
Murray: Damn it! I said no wrestling!
Barry: This isn't wrestling! This is real fighting! Now gimme back my Rowdy Roddy Piper stretch wrestler, you...

Quote from Beverly

Jane: Most importantly, what exactly is your plan to keep our neighborhood safe?
Beverly: I thought we would develop some signals in case there are, uh, cutthroats or marauders on the street, you know, like... [cawing]
Jane: Bird noises. That's Beverly's plan. Here's mine. [all gasp] Can you just hold that? I've listed 10 different ways to keep our neighborhood safe, from posting signs to installing better lights.
Linda: So well researched.
Virginia: Beautiful typography.
Essie: Elegant, like her.
Beverly: Oh, shut your holes, you gassy nags!
Jane: Wow. We should probably vote right now.
Beverly: Or we can postpone the vote until I can bedazzle a poster board myself. Yay! We're doing that.
Officer Puchinski: No. I'm not coming back here. Who wants this lady as captain? [Virginia, Linda and Essie sheepishly raise their hands]
Beverly: How dare you? You old toads!
Essie: She has good plans, Bevy.
Beverly: Officer, I'm losing. Take out your gun and make me captain.
Officer Puchinski: No.

Quote from Murray

Adam: Wait, before you say no...
Murray: Yes.
Barry: You cheap old bastard! I've never liked you!
Adam: Wait. What?
Murray: Here you go. And, uh, throw it on on the TV upstairs so I can watch it, too.
Both: Uh...
Murray: And afterwards, the three of us can head to Bookbinder's for some crab, make a night out of it.
Adam: Dad, respectfully, did you fall off the toilet again?
Barry: Yeah, since when do you want to watch wrestling or spend money or be with us?
Murray: Since now! Can't a dad have a little bonding time with his sons?
Adam: A dad can, but not our dad.
Murray: Just buy the damn wrestling, morons!
Barry: There's our guy!
Adam: That feels right!

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