Barry: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know there was a new "Rocky" movie!
Erica: Dope, that's not Rocky Balboa. That's "Rocky Horror".
Barry: So the Italian Stallion fights a werewolf? It is the boxer's natural enemy, after Mr. T's and Russians.
Geoff: No, it's a spoof of horror movies, but with the singer Meat Loaf.
Barry: While I love his passionate vocal range, he's more loaf than meat. Rocky would own him.
Erica: That's because it's not "Rocky".
Geoff: This one has singing and dancing and audience participation.
Barry: Ew. I'm in.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And so Barry decided to give "Rocky Horror Picture Show" a shot, and to his surprise, he kind of dug it. After all, he got to throw stuff and make tons of noise... ...and play with water guns and chuck toilet paper.
Barry: This is the best "Rocky" movie ever.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And even though he still thought it was a "Rocky" movie, Barry was obsessed.

Beverly: Murray, wake up. Something's going on downstairs.
Murray: It's probably just a burglar. Go back to bed.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But she was too freaked out to sleep, so she made my dad go check it out, and this is how he explained it.
Murray: Yeah, it's just the house settling.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But an hour later, another one fell. [clatter] [Beverly gasps] And my dad found a new reason why.
Murray: Wind did it. [Beverly gasps]
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But the paintings just kept falling.
Murray: Tiny earthquake. Army ants. Magnets. Meteor shower. Wall raccoon. Local train derailment. Local volcano. Army ants again. Local youths who were on the train that derailed earlier.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Ah, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". Back in the day, college kids loved watching this cult classic on Halloween, except for the one college kid who could never decide what movie to see.
Erica: Will you stop being a nightmare on this street and pick a Halloween movie already?
Barry: But it has to be perfect... one part scary, one part thriller-y, and no parts "Gremlins". Too many rules.
Geoff: But gremlins only have three rules... no bright lights, no water, and no feeding after midnight.
Barry: Oh, my God, boring Geoff. Every time you talk, I feel like I'm reading.
Erica: Speaking of, I'm off to the library... or what you like to call the book zoo.
Geoff: It's Halloween. Take a break from studying and see a movie with me.
Erica: Sorry, dude, but this conversation was my study break. Plus, watching Barry eat popcorn is the real horror show.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was October 30, 1980-something, and one of our family's most legendary, terrifying, and 100% true stories was about to take place.
Adam: It's showtime!
Murray: Is this a Halloween costume or one of your everyday dumb things?
Adam: It's Beetlejuice.
Murray: Hey! My bagel! Watch it, beetle bug.
Adam: Sorry, but I'm a reckless spirit who causes havoc.
Murray: I'm a hungry spirit that pays the bills, so shut up.

Beverly: Beloved family, look at these old, dusty, and therefore priceless, fancy French paintings I bought at a garage sale.
Adam: Oh, boy. I just discovered why art is important.
Murray: You paid for that crap? I could paint better butts.
Beverly: You know, I'm glad you said that, because there's a couples painting class at The Learning Annex...
Murray: I love 'em. Put 'em up.
Beverly: Great! Adam, be careful on the stairs. Don't be a clumsy gorkus and smash into them. I love you, but you're a gorkus.
Murray: Hey, Bevy, the boy's no Gregory Hines, but he knows how to work a staircase. [Adam knocks over Murray's cup of coffee] I just defended you, ya gorkus!

Erica: It's not happening.
Barry: But you're the one who's always saying how important it is for me to make new college friends.
Erica: The word I used was "impossible".
Barry: Well, it won't be when it's "Rocky Horror"-themed.
Geoff: Oh, that sounds like a good time... to consider how Erica might feel about it.
Erica: There isn't gonna be a party, because I have a chem midterm to study for, and so do you.
Barry: Then we're in full agreement. [claps hands] Good talk.
Erica: Barry, there will be no ragers, no bashes, no shindigs, hootenannies, soirées, amusements, teas, galas, festivities, or functions of any kind.

Beverly: Somebody slashed my art.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, this 100% really happened.
Adam: You know what that means, don't you? We have a ghost, and that ghost hates butts.
Murray: Stop! There's no such thing as ghosts!
Adam: Of course there is! There's Large Marge from Pee-wee's Big Adventure, the poltergeist from Poltergeist, and Blinky, Inky, Pinky, and Clyde from Pac-Man.
Beverly: Those are some very compelling examples, Murray.
Murray: Examples of things that aren't real.
Adam: It's obviously a spirit with unfinished business trapped in the realm of the living.
Beverly: Obviously.

Murray: Ghosts aren't real!
Beverly: Our mailman's niece ignored a scary ghost who frightened her so badly that her hair turned bone-white, and now she has to play Mrs. Santa Claus at a year-round Christmas store.
Murray: It's hard to argue with that iron-clad evidence. Eh, but let me try... no ghosts!

Beverly: Adam, we have to get to the bottom of this.
Adam: On it! You got the fear, I got the gear.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] We were haunted, probably, which finally gave me reason to say this.
Adam: I ain't afraid of no ghost. I mean, a little, but let's do this.

Murray: Will you two knuckleheads stop yakking about ghosts? I'm trying to watch the Eagles blow a lead.
Adam: How could you be watching sports right now? A departed soul is interplaying with our world.
Murray: Yeah, it's not.
Beverly: To be clear, you would never believe in anything that couldn't be explained?
Murray: Of course not.
Beverly: Interesting. So, if I came into the den and touched this wall during an Eagles game, that wouldn't bother you even a little?
Murray: Bup, bup, bup! Keep your hands off my lucky wall. [crowd groaning on TV] Tony Franklin misses the extra point! He's Mr. Automatic! What have you done?!
Beverly: So you do believe in things that can't be explained, but only when it suits you.
Murray: Don't turn this around on me. We all know my lucky wall has been a great part of the Eagles' success for years.