Adult Adam: [v.o.] As I got iced out by Brea, the Winter Games were in full swing at home.
Bill Lewis: Aw, come on, USA! Canada's flag is a leaf! That's the weakest living thing on the planet. Sure, I pressed a few into my memory journal last autumn after a lovely drive up to Vermont, but we should be raking these guys up.

Beverly: You bastards! It's exactly the same.
Bill Lewis: I'm a good reader of people and you don't seem pleased.

Murray: Hey, Billy boy. Here to yell at the kids?
Bill Lewis: Bingo! Hope it's okay, but I've written some really terrible things to say to Barry in order to scare him off.
Murray: You did some homework. Good on you.
Bill Lewis: Yeah. Full disclosure: I attack his physical appearance in a very un-Christian way. I mean, it's no way for an adult to speak to a child.
Murray: Hey, go big or go home, right?
Beverly: Wrong! All of our anger, guilt, and emotional terror only makes the kids dig in deeper. We have to rethink our tactics.
Bill Lewis: With your blessing, I am willing to fistfight your son.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] In that moment, my dad would ask a question that would change the course of history.
Murray: What's that?
John Calabasas: That, my friend, is the Bitter. It's Austrian. So very rare.
Murray: Kind of looks like a Ferrari. I really loved those as a kid.
Beverly: Come on, Murray. For once in your life, just treat yourself.
Bill Lewis: And what a treat! Hey, Mur! Individual seat heaters! You know what they call that? "The marriage saver." Maybe if I had these bun toasters, I'd still be married. [laughs] Who am I kidding? We had separate bedrooms, only said hi in the hallway. But come on! Ah, [bleep] it.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Even though my mom treated my dad to a new Bitter, it just made him more bitter than ever.
Murray: I mean it, Bevy. I'm returning that damn car. The last thing I need is the Ferrari of Austria.
Bill Lewis: Sure you do. Those people make a quality product. They gave us the boomerang and Crocodile Dundee.
Beverly: It's Austria, not Australia. My God. Just let me handle this, okay?

Barry: I can't believe she actually left.
Erica: I know! How could Lainey just ditch our band?! Now it's just me and my rhythm-challenged drummer!
Other Erica: I agree! Lainey's talent made up for my lack of skill, and now I'm totally exposed!
Bill Lewis: You think you miss her?! My baby girl left me in an empty nest! Who's gonna make sure I have towels? Who?!

Murray: And that's not all. You know what's in that car stereo?
Barry: Is that a compact disc?
Erica: You said this family fully invested in the cassette and there were no new formats we'd ever need!
Murray: So what do you say we drive around, listen to music, and eat some of our favorite meats! That's right. We're going to Arby's!
Erica: But that's top-shelf fast food!
Barry: We only get that as a treat after we go to the dentist.
Bill Lewis: Their fries are curly! That's a special-occasions potato.

Bill Lewis: Mm. That lucky bastard! I'll tell ya, if I was an older lady, I wouldn't mind spending a little time with him.
Beverly: This is a nightmare.
Bill Lewis: Relax. I said if I was a lady.
Beverly: No. I'm talking about my dad's gambling. He just tried to borrow money from Bill, of all people.
Bill Lewis: Oh, Lord, she's right. I'm not the person you ask for money. My net worth is seven.

Murray: Fine, as long as you didn't tell anybody else.
Beverly: No one. I promise.
[There's a knock on the door. Murray opens it.]
Bill Lewis: There's my angel on Earth.
Beverly: I might've mentioned it to one other person.
Bill Lewis: Don't you worry, pal. I'll marry Bev and raise your kids as my own.

Beverly: Well, unlike you, I live in total terror of that day and all the sad and lonely ones that will follow.
Bill Lewis: Been there. After Lainey left, things got dark. I rarely ate, showered, or ventured outside. My hollow shell of a body would crawl out of Lainey's tear-stained bedroom only to answer a phone that wasn't ringing.
Vic: Is this why you didn't bring the nachos?
Bill Lewis: Yeah.