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‘This is This is Spinal Tap’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Goldbergs: This is This is Spinal Tap

620. This is This is Spinal Tap

Aired April 3, 2019

After Geoff gets Erica's band, The Dropouts, a gig playing the Spectrum, Adam decides to make a rock-and-roll documentary. Meanwhile, Beverly stresses Murray out when he needs a medical test.

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, before we had the Internet to diagnose all of our illnesses, we had my mom. That's right. Before there was WebMD, we had BevMD.
Erica: My neck is killing me. I must've slept on it funny.
Beverly: What's that? Neck pain? Can you look down?
Erica: Yeah, I guess.
Beverly: You guess? [scoffs] We're going to the doctor. It's definitely meningitis.
Erica: It's not meningitis!
Beverly: You know who else didn't think they had meningitis? Your cousin Gerald. Then it ate through his spine, and now he's just a human jellyfish they have to carry around in a bucket! Walk away from me. Let me see how you walk. Your gait's uneven. We're going to the doctor!

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: You what? Why haven't you said anything?
Murray: I just tweaked my shoulder reaching for the remote wrong. Don't make a big deal out of it.
Beverly: You can't move your arm. How is that not a big deal?
Murray: It's just a tweak!
Beverly: Or advanced leprosy.
Bill Lewis: Oh, no! That's the worst kind!
Murray: Don't listen to her, Bill.
Beverly: You know who else didn't listen? Myrna Silvman's nephew. And the boy had to move to a Hawaiian island where there are no direct flights. In the end, he was just an ear and a foot.
Bill Lewis: Sweet Lord! I don't want a friend who's just human odds and ends. Go to a doctor!

Quote from Beverly

Adult Adam: [v.o.] But the worst was when you'd get caught between their medical philosophies.
Adam: Dad, does this look normal?
Murray: Considering you're a greasy, oily teen with a zit? Yes.
Beverly: No! That is a spider bite. My nail girl Janae's middle son thought he had a zit, but it was actually a black widow injection point. Next thing he knew, about 100 newborn spiders emerged from his fleshy cheek.
Adam: I don't like the spider eggs in my face, Mama!
Beverly: Murray, start the car. We're going to the E.R.
Murray: Yeah, it's a zit. I'm not doing that.
Beverly: Mama's got you, baby!
Adam: [panting] I don't want the spiders!

Quote from Barry

Barry: Come on, Erica! Just let me rock The Spectrum with you. This is my dream.
Erica: Oh, my God. You have so many stupid dreams. Why take mine?
Barry: But this one encompasses all of them. First, I wow the crowd with my lyrical gymnastics, thus getting signed to a major record label.
Erica: That's crazy.
Barry: Second, I drop the mic, pick up a hockey stick. The Flyers Wives see my hockey skills and immediately sign me to their husbands' team.
Erica: That's even crazier.
Barry: Third, I drop the hockey stick, pick up a stethoscope, save the charity by curing cancer right there on the ice!
Erica: You will not ruin my legitimate dream with your three ridiculous ones. You're not in the band!

Quote from Beverly

Murray: I told you it's not a big deal. But then you go and blab it to your mob of yentas?
Beverly: I had to, Murray. This way, they'll lay awake all night full of panic and misery, just like me. It's the whole point of friendship.

Quote from Bill Lewis

Murray: Fine, as long as you didn't tell anybody else.
Beverly: No one. I promise.
[There's a knock on the door. Murray opens it.]
Bill Lewis: There's my angel on Earth.
Beverly: I might've mentioned it to one other person.
Bill Lewis: Don't you worry, pal. I'll marry Bev and raise your kids as my own.

Quote from Barry

Barry: [rec] I just made 1,000 concert T-shirts to sell at our gig. Check it.
Adam: Who's Big Testy?
Barry: [gasp] Oh, no. It implies I have oversized private parts! [gasps] Oh, wait. Nice!
Adam: Not a comedy. Serious stuff.

Quote from Murray

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And while my mother overreacted to everything, my dad didn't react at all.
Barry: Dad? I fell off the tree trying to get my boomerang, and this happened.
Murray: Just don't pick at it. You'll be fine.
Barry: Yes! I'm going back out! [screaming] Oh! Ow!

Quote from Geoff

Adam: How did this even happen?
Erica: Word of mouth, obviously.
Geoff: For sure. Also, I submitted a demo.
Erica: Oh, my God, Geoff. You are seriously the most amazing boyfriend/band manager ever.
Geoff: Me, manager? Really?
Erica: You got us our big break, Geoff. You've totally earned it.
Geoff: Sweet! If there's one thing I know, managing my hot-tempered girlfriend's band could only end well.

Quote from Geoff

Adam: Problem. This letter's for you and Lainey.
Geoff: Yeah, I submitted their demo six months ago.
Erica: So now they're only getting two-thirds of the band they want? You suck, and you're fired!
Geoff: Oh, no! This didn't end well at all!

Quote from Murray

Bill Lewis: What form you like your pretzels in, Mur? Rods or twists?
Beverly: Really? It's gotten to the point where you're so lazy, even Bill has to get your snacks?
Bill Lewis: Hey, there's nothing lazy about my robust gentleman best friend here.
Murray: [happily] Thank you, Bill!
Bill Lewis: He just hasn't been able to use his left arm for three weeks because of a searing, fire-like shoulder pain.
Murray: [angrily] Thank you, Bill!

Quote from Beverly

Murray: I'm not going to a doctor! They're scam artists!
[cut to:]
Doctor: Yeah. Looks like you just tweaked your shoulder.
Murray: Damn it! There goes another 100 bucks plus parking.
Doctor: Why don't I set you up with a sling?
Murray: Ugh. Here comes the upsell.
Beverly: I'm just so glad you don't have to move to a leper colony and turn into an eyeball and a couple of knuckles.

Quote from Murray

Doctor: How long have you had this mole?
Beverly: There a problem?
Doctor: No, it's just a bit abnormal. It's probably nothing, but I'd like to do a biopsy, just to be safe.
Murray: Ah, the "just-to-be-safe biopsy." Again with the upsell.
Doctor: Your insurance covers it. Head two doors down. It's not gonna cost you anything.
Murray: Hoo-hoo! You hear that, Bevy? This clown's giving away free biopsies. Quickly, show him your blotches.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Doctor, quick question. Will he live?
Doctor: Yup.
Beverly: Don't sugarcoat it. Will he live?
Doctor: Yup.
Beverly: Have you no bedside manner? Will he live?
Doctor: Yup.

Quote from Pops

Adam: Initial thoughts?
Pops: Well, I I'm not gonna sugarcoat this, 'cause I love you, but this movie's complete hazarai.
Adam: What's that mean?
Pops: Yiddish for "a flaming pile of [bleep].

Quote from Pops

Adam: I know! Erica's band didn't even get through one song.
Pops: If anything, it's hilarious. They're like big-haired bozos who don't even know what words mean.
Adam: Wait! That's it! This whole time, I thought I was making a serious concert film, but really, this is This is Spinal Tap!
Pops: What is "Spinal Tap"?
Adam: This is This is Spinal Tap!
Pops: Okay, I know I ask this a lot, but I mean it this time. What's happening?

Quote from Adam

Adam: It's a mockumentary about a fictional band. It's one of my favorite comedies of all time. Look, here's a sketch from TV. You've got Nigel Tufnel, David St. Hubbins, Derek Smalls. They're such British morons that their amps go to 11 and they can never find their way to stage.
Pops: Wait. Y- You want to make fun of Erica? But your whole movie's supposed to be about her rocket ride to fame.
Adam: Does it really matter whose rocket ride to fame it is, as long as someone gets on the rocket? Mainly me?
Pops: You're very passionate, so I'll just say, "Go get 'em!"
Adam: Pops is on board! Thanks for always being there for me!
Pops: I really don't need to come over so much.

Quote from Erica

Adult Adam: [v.o.] After realizing my sister's band was ridiculous, I became Marty DiBergi and would direct my own version of Spinal Tap.
Adam: [rec] So, this is where the magic happens, huh?
Erica: Oh, yeah. I find inspiration everywhere. This week, I'm really inspired by women being empowered. I mean, take someone like Gloria Tubman. She discovered the Underground Railroad and was the first lady to vote. She's my muse, which is why we dedicated our first cassingle to her memory. It's called "Don't be Jealous Cuz I'm Hot".

Quote from Adam

Adam: [rec] So, how long have you been drumming for?
Other Erica: Actually, I'm pretty new to the drums. But when I started, it was like I'd been drumming my whole life in here. Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom, boom, boom-boom, boom boom. I have an irregular heartbeat.

Quote from Barry

Barry: [rec] Welcome to my musical lair. Got my many trophies over here. [clicks tongue[ Check it! Personal kara-te dojo. All my sweat gear. Wristbands, headbands, towels. Soaks it all up. This is my home studio. I got a list of words that rhyme with other words. Cat, bat, hat, mat, rat.
Erica: Dude, why do you keep filming him? He's not even in the band!
Barry: Yeah, I'm in the band!
Erica: You're not in the band!
Barry: You're not in the band! Get out of here!
Erica: You suck!
Barry: I'm in the band.

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