Beverly: You are not getting married to Lainey Lewis. You are a high-school senior and a tiny boy.
Murray: And you need a job! First, you drop out of college to be a rock star? Now you're back here driving up my electric bill!
Beverly: You will get married over my dead body. And shame on you for not even consulting your one true lady love of your life, which is me.
Murray: And look at you. Using my stove and my light bulbs like you're some sort of Norwegian royalty.
Beverly: You can't be a husband. You are still my baby Barry.
Murray: Those beautiful blond bastards! They did nothing to help us during the war.
Beverly: Murray, stop. You're on a bad tangent. Just focus on how she's breaking our hearts.

Murray: Hey, Billy boy. Here to yell at the kids?
Bill Lewis: Bingo! Hope it's okay, but I've written some really terrible things to say to Barry in order to scare him off.
Murray: You did some homework. Good on you.
Bill Lewis: Yeah. Full disclosure: I attack his physical appearance in a very un-Christian way. I mean, it's no way for an adult to speak to a child.
Murray: Hey, go big or go home, right?
Beverly: Wrong! All of our anger, guilt, and emotional terror only makes the kids dig in deeper. We have to rethink our tactics.
Bill Lewis: With your blessing, I am willing to fistfight your son.

Barry: We can live in some tiny, shark-tankless apartment, for all I care. As long as it's me, Lainey, and our four snuggly little kids.
Beverly: Okay, there is no way I'm gonna let- Oh, my God. Did you say kids?
Lainey: Can you imagine all those cute little Barrys running around? Aww.
Barry: Aww.
Beverly: Aww.
Lainey: Why is she aww-ing with us?
Barry: I don't know.
Beverly: Little Barrys. Oh, with the curly hair and the squishy, husky baby body and the not being able to ride the bus to camp 'cause you're so emotionally out of control. [gasps] Ah!

Dave Kim: We're gonna relive all of the classic "Sixteen Candles" party moments.
Emmy Mirsky: Like what?
Dave Kim: I'm talking beer-can pyramid. Pizza on the record player. Irreparable house damage! Somehow, foam gets in your vents. Toilet paper trees. And, obviously, a dweeb will be imprisoned in your glass coffee table.
Adam: But what about Long Duk Dong?
Dave Kim: No! There will be no discussion of the Donger.
Adam: I'm trying to-
Dave Kim: Say he's hilarious? Well, he's not.
Adam: Get off your totally warranted soapbox, Dave Kim. I'm trying to say I'm in.

Lainey: Barry, please. I'm done talking.
Barry: Well, then, just listen, 'cause my dad has something he wants to say.
Lainey: If you're here to call us morons for getting married, there's no need, 'cause it's not gonna happen.
Murray: You really think I'm gonna walk through the sand with my bad foot just to call you a moron? Look, if you really love each other, there's nothing you can't survive.
Lainey: Even the world's worst smother-in-law?
Murray: Yes. Because at the end of the day, I know Beverly Goldberg can stay away when it really matters. And I know it's scary to think of her on your back, but that also means that she has your back. And trust me, there's no better feeling.
Lainey: I thought you wanted us to break up. Why are you trying to help?
Murray: Because that's what families do, and like it or not, you're always gonna be family.

Beverly: Look, I know I got carried away. It's just... All my babies grew up and don't need me anymore. But you made me realize it's not fully over. I- I still have a whole new chapter left, one day.
Lainey: Well, when it does happen, I hope you're there with me.
Beverly: On a mom cot?
Barry: Mom!
Murray: Bevy.
Lainey: We'll figure it out. We have time.
Beverly: You'd think, but it just goes so fast. And it seems like only yesterday I was in the hospital holding my little Adam in my arms for the first time and... Holy crap! We forgot his birthday! We forgot Adam's birthday!
Murray: This is gonna be a whole thing.
Beverly: Go, go, go!

Beverly: Oh, Adam, I almost forgot.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] I knew she'd remember. It was birthday gift time. I bet it's that fancy editing machine I wanted.
Beverly: Here's $3. I was so busy crying about your brother taking a child bride that I didn't make you a lunch.
Adam: It's shepherd's pie at the cafeteria today! That's the worst of all savory pies.
Beverly: And no bananas till you make a poop-ila in the pot-ila.

Barry: And we can put a samurai sword on this wall. Shark tank, shark tank, shark tank. Boom! Seven more shark tanks!
Lainey: Bar, where am I gonna hang all my guitars if every wall is full of swords and sharks?
Barry: You're right. Mom, we're gonna need a bigger, wall-ier house, but we appreciate the offer to buy us this one.

Lainey: That's right! Can you imagine all those cuddly little baby Barrys?
Beverly: I'm imagining it so hard right now.
Lainey: That's good! But the only way to get them is to get us married.
Beverly: Oh, no, you're not getting married. But But how soon could you get married and give me little Barrys?
Barry: What are we even talking about right now?
Lainey: Bar, we're talking about the sooner we get married, the sooner your mom becomes a Grammy.
Beverly: Bubby. Ohh, I want to be a bubby so bad!
Barry: Ohh! Now I get it.
Beverly: Would literally kill my friends with envy. That's my dream.

Barry: This is very exciting, but let's manage expectations. This baby thing is a ways off.
Lainey: Yeah, it could be decades. But it'll for sure happen one day.
Beverly: Oh, one day is so close. Oh, I can almost taste the baby in my mouth. Muh-muh-muh. Ohh! That's a tasty baby. Oh, I'm gonna eat your foot. [Imitates nibbling] Baby foot is my favorite! I'm gonna put ketchup on the baby foot. [chuckles]
Lainey: Told you I could get her on board. Although I may have concerns she wants to eat our baby.