Sandra: Your total is $3.89. Would you like to round up for charity?
Man: Not today, thanks.
Jonah: Hey, Sandra, aren't these your favorite kind of chips?
Sandra: Yes. I love these chips.
Man: Oh. Cool.
Sandra: Uh-huh. You're a lucky man. And these, um, are some lucky chips 'cause they get to take a ride in that hot little mouth of yours. Nope. Oh, my God. I have to call Jerry. [on the phone] Jerry? Jonah made me seduce a man.

Jonah: Ah, I was probably 25 when I finally heard of dryer sheets. Before that, it was just like wrinkles, shminkles, you know. Let's hit the club.
Sandra: [chuckles] You know who else likes dryer sheets? Jonah's girlfriend. Which he has. Your total is $26.17.
Woman: Oh, I'll round up for charity.
Sandra: No. No rounding up. Not like this.

Sandra: Jerry. You didn't have to come. I told you to forget about it.
Jerry: I did, but then I remembered again.
Jonah: Hey, Jerry.
Jerry: Sandra told me you tried to make her do stuff with men for money.
Jonah: What... Oh, oh. Earlier today? No, that was... That was just talking.
Jerry: Let me make myself perfectly clear. I don't like that.
Sandra: Jerry, please calm down. I've never seen him this angry.
Jerry: If you ever mess with my marriage again, I will hate it.
Jonah: Got it. Understood.
Jerry: Sandra, could you bring home some magazines? Bye, Jonah.
Sandra: Bye, Jer. Take notes, Jonah. That's marriage material. And yes, he reads magazines.

Marcus: Amy, I think everyone's just trying to be safe. People who hurt animals eventually start hurting people.
Sandra: It's true. My uncle accidentally ran over a mongoose, and then he punched out a guy at Foodland.

Glenn: Carol, honey, I found a clump of your hair. I'm gonna put it in your pocket.
Amy: And again, Carol, I am so sorry, but you are gonna be fine. People get electrocuted all the time. It's, like, good for you. It's a cleanse. You're gonna feel great.
Sandra: What happened?
Dina: Amy electrocuted her.
Amy: Not on purpose, and she's gonna be fine.
Sandra: Oh, no. What if she's not, though? [smiles]

Sandra: [watching video] Oh, no. Carol, don't go for the screwdriver. And... bzz. Night-night.

Dina: Hey, Sandra. Just wanted to introduce you to my boyfriend, Brian.
Sandra: Brian the vet. So nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you.
Brian: Well, one thing I bet you haven't heard is that I'm also a veterinarian. I'm sorry, you just said that.
Dina: Listen, I've got a vet and you've got a messed-up cat. Maybe we could help each other out, 'cause I need to know what's going on. What's with all the phones and the sneaking around?
Sandra: Dina, please, I can't say. I don't wanna get anyone in trouble. Brett just let me follow him on Instagram.
Dina: Okay, well, it's a shame you won't help us 'cause this guy loves doing feline lumpectomies. And refresh my memory, does Biscuit have lumps?
Sandra: So many. It's like holding a bag of marbles.
Brian: Well, I'd be happy to smooth that cat out for you. Free of charge, of course.
Dina: Of course.
Sandra: Okay. Fine. But I'm only giving you this. White board, warehouse. Secret photos, customers, game, $200 prize. But that's all I can say.

Sandra: It's Easter fever at our place right now. Jerry's been practicing his finding skills for the egg hunt. He's... he's getting there.
Justine: Being newlyweds sounds so fun. You must be doing it all the time.
Sandra: Uh-huh.
Sayid: All that sex and no baby. When's Jerry gonna put the bun in the uterus?
Sandra: Fair question, but actually, when we're ready, we're gonna adopt. There's so many kids out there who need homes. Plus, we love our cat, and we adopted her.
Garrett: Right, as opposed to birthing her yourself.

Cheyenne: Two kettlebells for Sarah, almond milk for Preeti.
Sandra: Janet asked for three cans of tuna, but I think we should make it four. It's the least we can do for her these days because of... you know.
Cheyenne: Racism? [Sandra nods]

Sandra: Last night, Jerry fed a granola bar to one of Tony's sharks.
Cheyenne: Whoa, what happened?
Sandra: Nothing.
Cheyenne: Cool.