Amy: Okay, can we just stop talking about this? The fact is, Carol has to work somewhere in the store, so she's gonna be in somebody's department.
Marcus: Well, it's obviously not gonna be Sandra. I heard Carol freaked her out so much she crapped her wedding dress.
Glenn: Oh.
Sandra: Oh, um, that didn't happen.
Marcus: You don't have to be embarrassed. It's totally natural. It happens to lots of brides at their wedding.
Janet: That's childbirth.
Sandra: I didn't crap myself. Amy, tell him.
Dina: Sandra, she said she didn't want to talk about what happened that night; the rumor stands.
Sandra: Oh, man.

Dina: I'm just giving it a quick once over to make sure there's nothing with sharp edges or too pointy.
Glenn: Oh, come on, you really think Carol would bring a weapon into the store? I mean, she's been to therapy. She's not dangerous anymore. She's back to being boring.
Dina: Oh, yeah? Then how do you explain this?
Glenn: What are those?
Dina: Well, they're... They're headphones. But she could easily use these to strangle somebody.
Glenn: You think?
Dina: Yeah, I do think. Aha. How about these? Bobby pins, dozens of them. You can hide one in your mouth, then when you're Frenching someone, just slip it in, and boom... Oh, the old poke-and-choke.
Glenn: Oh, no.
Dina: Is this a picture of Janet's son?
Glenn: Oh, my God, Sandra's cat was just the beginning. This is sick.
Dina: [gasps] Oh, my God. Kirkwood Youth Soccer League schedule?
Glenn: She's stalking Janet's kid.
Dina: She even had a Janet driver's license made. What is her endgame here?
Janet: What the hell are you doing in my purse?
Glenn: Oh. Oh, it's... It's her purse.
Dina: Yeah, makes sense.

Amy: Guys, I sent Carol to lunch so that we could talk about how we're gonna work with her moving forward.
Janet: I've got an idea. Fire her ass.
Amy: I can't. You can't fire someone for mental health issues.
Justine: Well, good, because I have a lot of issues. For one, I'm addicted to sex.
Dina: You wish.
Justine: Yeah, I do.

Amy: Look, we don't need an HR rep hanging around here auditing us, writing everyone up for all the little things I let slide, like visible tattoos and the pictures you put in your lockers, and unbuttoning your pants at lunch.
Marcus: To let air in so the mold doesn't come back. It's called hygiene.
Amy: Oh. Okay, I can't deal with that right now.

Mateo: I can't believe I lost my place. Now I'm 613th in line. I'm gonna be stuck in the upper balcony with all the heteros. No offense.
Garrett: Oh, no, none taken. That sounds horrible.

Cheyenne: So why do you need everyone's number?
Amy: Oh, I'm, uh, getting a group text going. Got this sweet Norma Rae GIF that I've been wanting to use.
Cheyenne: I don't watch Real Housewives.

Mateo: Boss? [chuckles] There's something about that that I like.
Garrett: Probably the power.
Mateo: Yeah, I think it's the power. Mm-hmm.
Garrett: Well, boss, I'm gonna go get some Takis.
Mateo: Sounds good, boss. I'm gonna get on queue and start Googling seat views. With Celine you don't want to be too far away... or too close.

Amy: So, uh, welcome back, Carol. We are all so thrilled to see how well you're doing.
Carol: Thanks. I am so ready for a fresh start.
Sandra: Me too. Me too. But just asking, corporate knows what she did at my wedding?
Amy: Yep, they offered her a store transfer, but lucky for us, she declined.
Carol: Like I'm gonna leave this store. You guys are like family to me. [pats Sandra's shoulder]
Amy: Yeah, so... So sweet. Um, Carol, before we can get you out on the floor again, I've just been asked to get a quick apology.
Carol: Okay, great. [looks at Sandra]
Sandra: Oh, you think I should apologize?
Carol: Well, I mean, you almost made me kill your cat.
Sandra: I did that?
Carol: You stole Jerry from me. You rubbed your wedding in my face for months. And then you asked me to be your Maid of Honor. I mean, that was just cruel.
Sandra: You told me I had to.
Carol: I don't know, Amy. It seems like she's not ready to take responsibility.

Amy: You know, Carol, some people might think, actually, that, um you are the one who should apologize.
Carol: Oh. Oh, I see. Um, the thing is, when I spoke with C.J. DiBono at H.R., he said that my manager should be impartial.
Amy: And C.J. DiBono would know. I mean, he's... He's C.J. DiBono.
Carol: He said I should call if there were any hiccups or...
Amy: Yeah. No, no, I don't... I don't think we need to call C.J. DiBono. We can handle this internally. I just need a... a quick apology. [Carol looks at Sandra again] [awkward silence]
Sandra: Sorry.
Amy: I heard an apology. Great. Let's get back to work.

Amy: And this isn't a joke. She finished her therapy, and she got cleared to come back to work.
Dina: So after everything she's done, she can just waltz back in here and wear the blue vest? The only vest she should be wearing is one with black and white stripes.
Amy: Like a referee?
Dina: No, like a jail vest. Like a vest you wear in jail.