Garrett: So when do you become a soulless suit and forget about the little guy?
Amy: No, it's not... The whole job is being a liaison to Cloud 9, so I'm still gonna be working with you guys. And they're still ironing out the details, but it'll probably be soon.
Dina: Damn it! Oh, not the California thing. I already knew about that. I actually knew before Jonah. So, no big deal. But Brian just texted. We're supposed to be going to the Aloha Thunder Indoor Waterpark for a sex weekend, but it turns out they're closing. Seems like this coronavirus deal is spreading.
Garrett: Whoa! The NBA just announced they're suspending the season.
All: What?
Cheyenne: Wow.
Mateo: More cases are popping up in Oregon, Washington, New York...
Cheyenne: [gasps] You guys, Tom Hanks has it! [all murmuring]
Mateo: What about Rita? Does it say anything about Rita? [Cheyenne checks her phone, turns around and nods] Ah, damn.

Dina: [blows whistle] Let's go, sir. No lingering. Just pick a conditioner and keep moving.
Amy: Nope, nope. You're fine, sir. Take all of the time you need.
Dina: Ah, he's just putting on a show. We all know he's just using it to masturbate.
Amy: Okay, Dina? Our customers are already on edge. They don't need us blowing whistles and yelling at them about masturbation.
Dina: Hard disagree. You heard Sugarman. We are essential. Customers are like sheep looking for guidance. Without leaders, sheep start to eat each other. So, unless one of us leads, this place is gonna be littered in haggis from here to Sunday. All right, soft hands. Get goin'.

Marcus: Okay, but big news of the day? Just finished Tiger King episode three. Carol Baskin? Come on, what a trip! Definitely killed her husband. Let's get into it.
Cheyenne: Yeah, sorry, that was, like early pandemic. No one really cares anymore.
Sandra: I think we're all embarrassed we cared in the first place.
Marcus: Seriously? Ugh! Stupid coronavirus. I wish I never even went to the ICU.

Cheyenne: I guess I'm kinda lucky because now that all concerts are shut down, I don't have to throw that huge, illegal music festival for my birthday that I charge people for.
Sandra: I don't think I knew about that.
Cheyenne: Oh, really? Tickets are still available. You should check it out.

Dina: So, whenever at all possible, you must remain 6 feet apart.
Cheyenne: Well, is it 6 feet from, like, the center of our bodies or from, like, where our bodies end?
Dina: Great question. Um... I'm gonna say start measuring from nips and tips.
Mateo: Sorry, are the men measuring from the nips or the tips?
Cheyenne: I think women nips, men tips.
Dina: Yeah.

Amy: So, first off, Marcus tested positive for COVID after attending a spring break party on the lake. So if any of you have been hanging out with Marcus, you should leave now. [nobody moves] Yeah, that's what I thought. I just had to ask.

Glenn: Come on. Amy might have abandoned us a little, but we're fine! You know, everything's fine. In fact, in my panic dream last night, the person clubbing me to death was Topher Grace. So... little taste of Tinseltown for y'all.

Sandra: Wait. Is Jonah going too?
Marcus: I think I would have gotten the heads up if Jonah were leaving, and I didn't. So he's not, so we can just stop talking about it.
Jonah: Actually, uh, yes. I am. I'm going, so...
Marcus: Ahh.
Sandra: [Bleep], yeah! Together, baby! All you [bleep] haters can suck it!

Garrett: [over PA] Attention shoppers. We ask that you please not physically wrestle things from your fellow customers. There's a highly contractable virus out there that our country does not have a hold of. None of y'all are listening, huh? All right. Enjoy the apocalypse.

Glenn: We're not heroes.
Dina: Doing our jobs. Hey, you know, I was watching the news last night, waiting to record a blooper for my tape, and they did this segment on "Heroes in Your Neighborhood." And it made me think... we could be next.
Glenn: Oh, wow. I mean, can you imagine? Someone banging a pot for us? Or a pan?
Dina: Ohh.