Garrett: Tony is in the store, and he would like me to open up the condom case.
Sandra: Jerry and I knew this day would come.
Garrett: Yes, ever since you very recently adopted him.
Sandra: Well, I guess it's good that he's being safe. You can open it.
Garrett: Okay.
Sandra: And actually, maybe you could talk to him about sex and stuff.
Garrett: Yeah, no, I'm not gonna do that.
Sandra: Oh, please, Garrett? I just wanna make sure he's really ready and he's doing it for the right reasons. You know how teenage boys don't wanna talk to their moms. And Jerry tried, but he's so sexually specific.
Garrett: Look, I'll open the case 'cause that's my job, but that's it. And by specific do you mean anatomically? You know what? I don't wanna know.

Garrett: So I talked to Tony.
Sandra: You did? Aww, thanks, Garrett.
Garrett: Yeah, no problem. You know, he's a good kid. You know, it was actually really cute. He asked how he would know when he's in love.
Sandra: Oh, I'm sorry. That must have been tough.
Garrett: Why would you say that?
Sandra: Just seemed like you were more of a hookup guy, not really a love guy. So, you know, might've been hard to know what to say.
Garrett: [chuckles] Come on, seriously? I've been in love before.
Sandra: Oh, no. I mean, like, with a real woman. Not, like, with Tomb Raider.
Garrett: No, real women.
Sandra: Okay. My mistake.
Garrett: I have.
Sandra: Okay.
Garrett: It's true.
Sandra: O...
Garrett: Don't say okay.
Sandra: Mm-hmm.
Garrett: [quietly] Come on.

Earl: I keep putting my funny bumper stickers on Sandra's locker, and she keeps peeling 'em off, and it hurts.
Dina: Okay.
Sandra: They say, "I heart musty balls," and it just doesn't really reflect my opinions.
Dina: Sandra, Earl's in pain. This is not about defending yourself. We are here to listen.

Jonah: I'm assuming we're in health and beauty because the raccoons finally claimed the warehouse.
Sandra: I like it here. It smells like confident women.

Sandra: Hey, guys. I'm collecting donations. My vet said my cat, Biscuit, needs balloon valvuloplasty.
Mateo: What is that? Like, implants?
Sandra: No, it's more of a lifesaving thing. Anyway, we're still 900 short after the $5 coupon we got from liking their page on Facebook, so if anybody wants to chip in... [change clinking]
Ken: Aw, I forgot my wallet. This shape in my pocket is a Clif Bar.
Justine: I'm low on cash. You know, 'cause everything's digital now.
Sayid: That's it. Hold the line.
Sandra: I get it. I mean, Biscuit is kinda like a daughter to me, but I guess putting down your daughter is just a part of life.
Mateo: Damn, are you trying to raise money or win an Oscar? [laughs] Sorry, I should've saved that for a private text.

Jonah: Okay, Glenn, here's your DVD/VCR combo. We haven't sold these in years, so I had to go to Crestwood. Why do you need this?
Glenn: I don't. This was a ruse to get you into my office.
Jonah: Glenn, why didn't you... you're the boss. [Sandra closes the door] You can just say, "Jonah, come in here." What is happening?
Glenn: Jonah, you need our help. Right, Amy?
Sandra: Totally, dude.
Jonah: "Dude"?
Sandra: She's in California now. That's how people there talk.

Glenn: And finally, your name tag. Now, the Cloud manual says that this is made out of polyvinyl chloride, but I say it's made out of honesty, hard work, those elderly shoppers' smiles...
Mateo: Glenn, can we hurry this up? Not to be rude, but this means nothing to me.
Sandra: Wow, my son, a Cloud employee. We're a dynasty like Billy Ray and Miley.

Sandra: I don't trust Zephra either. I've learned some stuff. You ready to wake up?
Glenn: Well, I am awake.
Sandra: [whispers] Not yet.

Sandra: And I accept full responsibility. I, Cheyenne Lee, of 1280 Raymond Street.

Hannah: Excuse me. Can you help me find Carol Maloon? I'm her attorney, Hannah Connelly?
Sandra: Well, hear this. Carol's gonna do everything she can to pin this on me, but if she wants to make this ugly, I will drag it all the way to hell!
Mateo: I think she's in floral. On your left, just ahead towards the register.