Eugene: [o.s.] Looks like I'm really stuck, you guys. I think I may have to reschedule my deposition.
Sandra: Oh, hey, I just spoke with Carol's lawyer, and she said Eugene could do his deposition through the door, if you wanted.
Mateo: What?
Sandra: She gave me the questions to ask and everything. He could do his deposition now with us and be done with it.
Eugene: Well, i-it's a little unorthodox, but I'll allow it.
Sandra: Uh, so, the first question is... Where were you born?
Eugene: Where was I born?
Mateo: Yeah, I know. It seems like it has nothing to do with Carol's lawsuit. But that's the first question.
Eugene: Well, it's a pretty crazy story, uh... I was born in a hospital in Jefferson City, Missouri. White mom, white dad.

Sandra: A whole year wasted. Jerry and I never even got to go on our honeymoon. I had to freeze my edible lingerie.
Tony: Mom, that's gross.
Sandra: Oh, sorry.

Sandra: This is gonna be so nice. It almost makes me wish we could celebrate the other holidays we missed too.
Marcus: Yeah, like Halloween. I was dressed in full head-to-toe Shrek makeup, in my living room, for no one.
Sayid: St. Patrick's Day, Fourth of July... my first Mother's Day. I had always dreamed of going to Sweet Tomatoes, and hitting that salad bar, soups, serve-yourself froyo... [shakily] I don't wanna talk about it.

Sandra: So you just go on your phone.
Man: Uh, this survey's not on my phone.
Sandra: Just open an internet browser.
Man: No. [hands phone to Sandra]
Sandra: Okay, I guess I can. Um, what's your passcode?
Man: Oh, it's my grandson's birthday.
Sandra: Okay, so... October, or...

Sandra: Oh, you're getting a call.
Man: Oh, you can just answer it.
Sandra: Okay... [answers man's phone] Hello? It's your dentist's office. They wanna confirm for tomorrow.
Man: Oh, tomorrow is no good.
Sandra: Okay. Um, he'd like to reschedule.

Sandra: So again, it's out of five stars, five meaning I helped you a lot today. Are you sure you wanna go with two?
Man: [cheerily] Let's go with one.

Cheyenne: Well, did you at least finish the special assignment?
Jonah: That was just a bunch of busy work.
Cheyenne: Yeah, but if you didn't move those boxes onto the shelves, then they were probably damaged in the flood. And that was, like, all new Zephra products, so that's, like, really bad.
Sandra: Damn it, Jonah! I knew we should've finished the work, but you led us astray with your exotic flavored waters.
Jonah: I just wanted you to understand that we are all better...
Sandra: That's the thing. I'm not better than the work. I'm a shadow person. And I like it!
Jonah: Okay, yeah. No, yeah, I get it, so... so yeah, we'll get back there and assess the...
Sandra: No. You know what? You're not wanted in the back. [Sandra and the others walk off]
Cheyenne: Oh, my God, did you see me almost follow her? Like, I literally took a step.

Sandra: Must be nice. Thinking about buying the fancy vacuum cleaner with the ball thingy like it's just a regular vacuum cleaner with no ball thingy.
Garrett: Yeah, and she bought a Dustbuster yesterday. She's just rubbing it in our faces.

Glenn: So corporate sent me two tickets to this weekend's Cardinals game, so I'm gonna pick one employee to go with me... completely at random. So all your names are in here, and it's time to pick now.
Sandra: Is it Saturday or Sunday, 'cause I-I actually have...
Glenn: It doesn't matter, Sandra.
Sandra: I'm cremating my dog.