Carol: [on the phone] Hi, Jerry. I'm just calling to let you know that you should probably get tested. There are, like, ten guys here who say that Sandra gave them herpes.

Carol: I've been doing things to Sandra's lunch.

Carol: Hi. If I know who the person is who was tweeting, who should I tell about that?
Jonah: That's- When you say "you"-
Amy: Are you- Are you saying you do?
Luanne: Excuse me. Who is it?
Carol: Her name is Sandra Kaluiokalani. That's spelled K-A-L... K... It's K-A-L... K-A-L-A, then I think it's "O." It's, um... It's K-A-L...
Luanne: Kalui...

Sandra: Thank you for coming.
Jerry: Of course. I'm always gonna be here for you.
Sandra: You're the best.
Jerry: You're the best.
Sandra: No, you're the best.
Carol: [to officer] I hate to say this because they're close friends of mine, but they're both human traffickers. If you check her locker, there's evidence.

Carol: Have we thought about using the teachings of the Sacred Wheel to show them the interconnectedness of all life?
Amy: Yes, Carol, we did try that. I think you were in the bathroom.
Carol: Oh.

Dina: So your crisis of conscience at the bachelorette?
Carol: Totally fake. I wanted you all to let your guard down.
Dina: I knew it! Yes! But what are you doing now? Are you gonna kill Sandra's cat?
Amy: Dina, she's not gonna kill the...
Carol: I'm gonna kill the cat.
Dina: [gasps] Oh, yes... two for two!
Carol: "Oh, I'm marrying Jerry. It's the best day of my life." We'll see about that when your cat explodes on the dance floor.
Dina: Wait, you're going to blow up the cat?
Carol: Okay, that was misleading. I'm going to throw it over the balcony, and ideally, the impact will make it explode.

Mateo: Where's Marcus?
Amy: Marcus is at the hospital. Elias took him. We have 45 minutes to get him his thumb.
Carol: Does the guacamole have nuts in it?
Amy: What? Why does this matter?
Carol: Well, I'm allergic.

Carol: [on the phone] Hey, Adam, it's Carol at Cloud 9. I got your number off of Amy's emergency contact form. I heard about you and Amy, and I just wanted to see how you were you-ing. "Youing"? How you were doing. [laughs] Why am I so nervous?

Carol: Hey, you okay? Guy trouble is not fun.
Kelly: Oh, uh, yeah, thanks, but Jonah and I are... we're totally fine.
Carol: Oh, that's great. Well, I just want you to know I have your back.
Kelly: That's really sweet.
Carol: Should we do something to Amy's car?
Kelly: What?
Carol: Or wait... she has a daughter, right? Oh, she loves that daughter.
Kelly: Yeah, I... I like her daughter too. [backs away]
Carol: It's always gonna be people like us against the Amy's and the Sandra's of the world. We're the same. You and I are the same.
Kelly: [keeps backing away] Yep.
Carol: Careful.

Carol: [on the phone] Hey, Alex, it's Carol from Cloud 9. I got your number off of the vendor list. I was the one that was vaping by the Dumpster last Thursday, and you said, "Are you vaping?" And I said, "Yeah." Anyway, I heard about the breakup, and I just wanted to say sorry. So let me know if you ever want to go grab drinks or you can just come by for a massage or whatever.