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Sandra's Wedding

‘Sandra's Wedding’

Season 5, Episode 14 -  Aired January 30, 2020

Amy has to take charge of Sandra's wedding as Dina is preoccupied with a threat to the big day.

Quote from Dina

Sandra: You guys are the best. I love you all.
All: Aw...
Carol: Wait! Don't eat that. They're filled with laxatives.
Dina: What? Why? I mean, I get that some of you may have that problem. For the record, I do not. My doctor is begging me to eat less fiber. I won't do it.


Quote from Garrett

Garrett: So, uh, one story that comes to mind when I think of Jerry is Jerry and I went to... A rodeo. Yeah, yeah, it's funny, because we're in a cowboy restaurant, but I would've told this story either way. Um, so we're at the rodeo, right? And we're watching these guys ride the bucking broncos. And Jerry leans over to me and says... "I can do that." [laughter]
Sandra: Really?
Jerry: [laughs]
Garrett: It was so sad. So sad.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: So we're flying, okay? We're doing 80 down the freeway, and the mob guys are chasing us 'cause they had money on the rodeo, all right? And I lean over to Jerry. I go, "Jerry, what are you getting me into here?" And Jerry, calm as a cucumber, looks at me, tips down his sunglasses, and goes, "Welcome to my life." [laughter]
Sandra: "Welcome to my life"!
Garrett: So, Sandra, welcome to Jerry's life. Let's all raise a glass to many more adventures. Congratulations.
All: Cheers.
Sandra: When did you get sunglasses?
Jerry: I guess at a rodeo.

Quote from Glenn

Garrett: Hey, Glenn, that's the only story I had. That's all I know about them.
Glenn: Okay, I'm sorry. I just... I panicked. But you're going to be fine. I remember you told me something about you and Jerry eating corn, so maybe go with that.
Garrett: What? We ate corn once.
Glenn: Well, don't just blurt it out. Come on, paint me a picture. What time of day was it? Was there butter? Hmm? Was there salt?

Quote from Carol

Dina: So your crisis of conscience at the bachelorette?
Carol: Totally fake. I wanted you all to let your guard down.
Dina: I knew it! Yes! But what are you doing now? Are you gonna kill Sandra's cat?
Amy: Dina, she's not gonna kill the...
Carol: I'm gonna kill the cat.
Dina: [gasps] Oh, yes... two for two!
Carol: "Oh, I'm marrying Jerry. It's the best day of my life." We'll see about that when your cat explodes on the dance floor.
Dina: Wait, you're going to blow up the cat?
Carol: Okay, that was misleading. I'm going to throw it over the balcony, and ideally, the impact will make it explode.

Quote from Amy

Jonah: I knew we were here too early. They haven't even finished setting up the... [stammering] s-ship? Is... Is it a cowboy ship?
Amy: No, their theme is nautical, but they got this western place for cheap because Jerry got hit by a dart here.

Quote from Glenn

Garrett: Oh, hey, Glenn. Getting ready for the ceremony?
Glenn: Yeah. You bet. I know this backwards and forwards. Though I would not recommend it backwards. I sound like a lunatic.

Quote from Garrett

Glenn: So how's your toast coming?
Garrett: Oh, well, you know, I'm still working it out. I just have this, like, little story about him. Basically, Jerry and Sandra have this sweatshirt with a crab on it, and whoever's feeling crabby has to wear the sweatshirt. And the only time Jerry's worn it is when Sandra was out of town.
Glenn: That's nice. And then?
Garrett: That's... Well, that... That's it.

Quote from Cheyenne

Cheyenne: He's great. Yeah, he's so nice.
Mateo: I know, we're working on getting him to talk trash about people.
Cheyenne: Yeah, it just takes practice. He'll be a nasty bitch real soon.
Mateo: Thanks. [chuckles] I was a little worried, you know, inviting him to a wedding this early on. But then I thought it'd be weirder not to bring him.
Cheyenne: Totally, that's how it was for me and Bo at homecoming. But then we just did a bunch of whip-its in the DJ's van, and it was great.
Mateo: I say this with love... it's crazy you haven't been murdered.
Cheyenne: I know.

Quote from Dina

Amy: But you're not some kind of nerd like Glenn. You're just going to find your speech in, like, the moment, right?
Dina: No, sir. I take my maid of honor duties very seriously. So I've rehearsed it down to the syllable. I know exactly where I'm going to... [sniffles] almost start to cry. And where I'm going to... [chortles] Get myself a little bit with my own joke. And then I'm going to bring it home with a series... of meaningful... pauses.
Garrett: So you have thought about it. All right.

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