Jerry: There is a great dinosaur-themed restaurant in Patterson. It is called Jurassic Fork. [Leslie laughs] I have gone there three times a week for the last 15 years.

Donna: Jerry. Jerry! Maybe you should wrap it up. It's 4:00 in the morning.
Jerry: Is it really? [laughing] Oh, my gosh. Wow. Well, that flew by, huh? I will just take these down to the post office and, uh, put the, uh... Oh, jeez. Oh, no. I put the handout flyers in the mailing envelopes, and I was supposed to put these flyers in the envelopes.
Donna: Oh... My God.
Jerry: Well, you know, it's like I always say. It ain't government work if you don't have to do it twice. Here we go! [whistles]
Donna: I'll make some coffee.

Jerry: Please, Ron, I am very sorry. I guess I put too much fuel in the torch.
Ron Swanson: Oh, I don't know, Jerry. I think you're being hard on yourself.
Jerry: Ron, are you mad at me? 'Cause without eyebrows, I can't really tell.

Jerry: Leslie, that is really sweet of you, but you don't have to worry about me. I'm great. Here. I want to show you something.
Leslie Knope: Okay.
Jerry: [catches mug] No! You also dropped that, clumsy. [throws mug in the air and catches it; laughter]
Leslie Knope: Where am I?

Tom: We all burned our initials in, see?
Chris: Wait a minute, who's G-J-L-G-G?
Jerry: That's Garry Jerry Larry Gergich Gengurch. I burned in all my names. I really--I didn't know what to do.

Jerry: I got the menus.
Tom: Great. [chuckles] Larry, what the hell? What are these pictures?
Jerry: Aw, jeez, I must have given the printer the wrong flash drive.
Tom: What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
Jerry: No, it's my dog's rectum. Lord Sheldon has a growth, so we're sending pictures over to the vet. But I guess this isn't good for menus, is it?
Tom: Larry, Larry, Larry, listen to me. This is the worst thing you've ever done. I need you to take all of these dog-butt pictures and burn them in the pizza oven. April, you list all the menu items from memory. It'll be classier anyway.

Ben: Could you please focus? It'll take two minutes. And all signatures need to be notarized, and I really don't want to have to schedule two different notary appointments.
Jerry: Uh, not to eavesdrop, but I have a crazy story. I recently had a bit of a health scare, just a couple weeks in the hospital.
Andy: Oh, God. This story's terrible so far.
Jerry: Anyway, I became really motivated once I got out to finally live life to the fullest. So...I fulfilled one of my lifelong dreams. And I became a notary public. So if I go with you, Ron and Leslie can sign the document separately.

Jerry: I know I didn't achieve all my work goals, but, Leslie, I don't care because for me, the best part about working in the Parks department was that I got to be home every night with my family at 5:00. And to me, that's what mattered most.

Jerry: I mean, yes, my daughter might think she is old enough to be sexually active with her boyfriend. But I'm sorry, 16. That... That just seems too young to be on birth control. You know, I was 24 when Gayle took my virginity.
Ron Swanson: What's say we just stand here in silence. And think of ideas... for projects.
Jerry: You know what I should do? I should lead a teen abstinence workshop.
Ron Swanson: That might be incredibly effective.

Jerry: So for my painting, I chose one of my very favorite Greek myths, the centaur goddess Dyaphena slaying a great stag.
Ann: [clears throat] It's, uh, stunning.
Tom: It's breathtaking, Jerry.
Donna: Yeah. Really is.
Jerry: Wow. Thanks, guys.
Ann: Hey, Leslie, you should really come over here and look at Jerry's painting.
Leslie Knope: Oh. Oh, my God. That's me. Is that me?
Jerry: What? [chuckles] No. Oh, jeez, it does look like you.
Leslie Knope: You're just realizing that now?
Tom: That's what you see when you close your eyes at night, Jerry. Topless Leslie glued to a horse. [laughs]
Jerry: Okay, Leslie, I am just so, so sorry. Dyaphena, she is this powerful goddess. And I've been thinking a lot about powerful women. And subconsciously, I painted you. I'm sorry. I'm gonna take it right down.
Leslie Knope: No. Leave it up. I love it.