Chris: Anne Perkins!
Ann: Chris. Hey. I heard you were back.
Chris: Yeah.
Ann: I didn't do this because of you.
Chris: Uh, well, it looks great. Yeah, you look great. Am I right? It's... So good running into you. You know, we should get together soon. I'd love to catch up.
Ann: Me too! Ketchup and mustard. Ketchup and mustard, I just was...
Chris: Oh! [laughing] That is so delightful. I relish your wit. [chuckling]
Ann: Well, I salsa... your face.

Ann: So how does this work?
Juliet: All right, you just fill out your name tag, and you're all set.
Ann: Okay. But I-I mean, do I just go up and talk to anyone, or do I wait for them to talk to me, or...?
Juliet: Are you asking me how to flirt with men?
Ann: Okay. All right.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: It's a whole new Ann Perkins. I'm putting myself out there, meeting some new people, having some casual fun, and it is... awkward.

Ann: You know what might make you feel better?
Leslie Knope: A hug?
Ann: Paxil. Do you want me to get you a prescription?
Leslie Knope: Ugh.

Ron Swanson: Just tell me what Leslie is planning.
Ann: Honestly, I-I don't know. I haven't heard anything.
Ron Swanson: Why don't you tell me what she did for your last birthday?
Ann: Oh, well, that was intense. She totally surprised me. She kidnapped me from work, and then she took me to that place, Senor Vega's, you know, where the mariachi band comes out. They put a big sombrero on you, and then everybody sings Happy Birthday?
Ron Swanson: Damn it.
Ann: And then we went back to my house, and she invited basically everyone I knew, and she had this great guy doing face painting, and I had my face painted like a fairy tiger. [Ron groans] Also, she did it, like, a week before my birthday, which is genius, 'cause I had no idea it was coming. And then there was a bouncy castle. Did you know they made those for adults?

Ann: Well, first of all, this color looks amazing on you.
Leslie Knope: Thank you.
Ann: Second of all, the whole fence thing... she's obviously trying to get a rise out of you. Third of all, she knows she only got the job because you turned it down, which must drive her nuts. But most importantly, you say the word, and I will beat her senseless with a baseball bat.
Leslie Knope: [softly] Thank you.

Ben: What is this?
Leslie Knope: Whale sounds.
Ben: Okay.
Leslie Knope: You can change it if you want.
Ben: Yeah?
[Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" plays]
Leslie Knope: What the hell?
Ben: Oh, no, no, no. This is such a great song.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Yeah, I snuck an Al Green song in there. I want them to get together. Sue me.

Ron Swanson: Anyone find any mistakes?
April: Yeah, actually. In here, it says that Pawnee is great. But in reality, it's terrible.
Ron Swanson: Let Tom know we haven't found anything.
Ann: Hey, I'm thinking about getting a new phone. Do you guys like your phones?
April: [on her phone] I've never used a phone in my life.
Ann: What about you, Ron? Do you like your phone? [Ron is silent]
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Here's my goal. I'm gonna get these two people that I've known for a long time to talk to me for five minutes. Who am I kidding? One minute. One minute would be amazing.

Ann: All right, so we don't have to fact-check anymore. But Leslie wants us to be on ready-alert one just in case something comes up.
Ron Swanson: Now I can get some real work done. [whittles]
Ann: You know, I think I'm just gonna hang out here with you guys, if that's cool.
April: It's not.
Ann: Great.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: I could leave. I could. But I'm not going to. I will get my one minute of small talk, damn it. And it will be casual, and it will be amicable!

Leslie Knope: And mom, how's it going with Steven?
Marlene Knope: Well, I met him on the Internet because of my lovely daughter, and we are compatible.
Leslie Knope: La, la, la, la, la, la, la. Okay, no, no, no, no, no. Ann, can you start talking?
Ann: Well, I'm- I'm- I'm in a bit of a lull right now, but I'm so glad that you all have people in your lives that you care about, so congrats! It's really hard to say congrats without sounding sarcastic. Seriously, I really hope you guys are all very happy-- Damn it.
April: We are.

Ann: Listen, let's do practice interview...
Leslie Knope: Big idea, Ann.
Ann: And see how you do.
Leslie Knope: Let's go.
Ann: [Russian accent] Leslie, in your humble opinion... [Leslie laughs] What?
Leslie Knope: Why are you from Russia?
Ann: I don't know.