[2013:]
Ted: Wait a second. This is my umbrella. I left this umbrella at Cindy's, you totally stole my umbrella.
The Mother: [laughs] What? No, I didn't. This is my umbrella. I bought this.
Ted: Excuse me. It even has my initials on it right here: T.M. Ted Mosby.
The Mother: Yeah. Look again, Ted Mosby. Those are my initials: T.M. Tracy McConnell.
Ted: Um, no, Tracy McConnell, it's T.M. Totally My umbrella.
The Mother: Uh, your T.M., Terribly Mistaken, because this umbrella has always belonged T.M.: To Me. [laughs] Although, I did lose it for a few years there. Um, so, I went to this dance club...
Ted: On St. Patrick's Day.
The Mother: ...on St. Patrick's Day.
Ted: And you left it there.
The Mother: And I left it there.
Ted: And you never thought you'd see it again.
The Mother: And I never thought I'd see it again. Funny how sometimes you just... find things.
Ted: Hi.
The Mother: Hi.

[flashback to Ted and Victoria at her bakery:]
Ted: Sorry, what's his name?
Victoria: Whose name?
Ted: Your fiancé to-be.
Victoria: Oh! His name is Klaus.
Ted: Klaus.
Victoria: Klaus.
Ted: German name.
Victoria: Yeah, German guy.
Ted: Hmm. When you were living in Germany, and we were doing the whole long-distance thing, wasn't there a Klaus in your class?
Victoria: There was a Klaus in my class.
Ted: And you and Klaus were close.
Victoria: Not that close.
Ted: Yes, yes, you and the Klaus from your class were quite close.
Victoria: Kind of close.
Ted: Was that your Klaus?
Victoria: My Klaus?
Ted: In your class.
Victoria: In my class?
Ted: Is your Klaus the kind of close Klaus from your class?

Robin: Yeah, well the owner goes to my gym. It turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for Metro News One. So now, I'm on the list for tonight.
Ted: Nice going, Scherbatsky. You're becoming a long and difficult-to-spell household name.

Marshall: All right, we got most of the ingredients on our list: Ginger, bananas, Funyuns. I can't believe that mini-mart sold Tantrum. It's been discontinued for years.
Ted: Uh, hey, ahem, will you toss me that bottle?
Marshall: Yeah, we haven't done this forever.
Ted: Dude, you're a grown man, why are you throwing a Tantrum?
Marshall: Nice!
Ted: So awesome!
Marshall: So awesome!

Future Ted: [v.o.] So there we were, helping Barney pack up his childhood home.
Barney: Whoa, Ted, that thing you're packing's way too big to fit in that box.
Ted: Yeah, that's what your mom said.
Barney: How dare you!
Ted: No, she actually said that.
Loretta: Oh, dear. I thought I told you that's just not gonna fit in there.

Robin: Ted, I know you've waited ten years for this girl, but some things just aren't meant to be.
Ted: Not so fast. At the end of the night, when I leaned in and somehow accidentally kissed her open eyeball, there was a slight flicker of something I might even call chemistry... adjacent.

Robin: Ted. Are you listening? You're a good guy.
Ted: You wanna know why I have to work tomorrow? My firm's designing an executive lounge for a tobacco company. In the fight against cancer, I'm on the side of cancer.

Ted: That was hard to listen to.
Marshall: No one likes how they sound on an answering machine.
Ted: Thanks for doing that. You yelled at me. You got very firm with me. Very confident. It was cool.
Marshall: Thanks.
Ted: You're very sexy when you yell, Marshall.
Marshall: Shut up.
Ted: Veins, crazy muscles in your neck. You look like a Kentucky Derby-winning steed.
Marshall: You're ruining a nice moment.
Ted: At one point, I swear, I thought we were gonna kiss.
Marshall: Ted, seriously. I'm married.

Ted: You think that this is just about Robin? This is about... You know, I've seen you do some bad stuff. I mean some really terrible stuff to a lot of different people. I just always thought there had to be a limit. I always thought I was the limit. You're always spouting off these rules for bros. Isn't one of them, "Don't do this"?
Barney: Yeah. And I broke it. I'm sorry. But, Ted, seriously, this suite at the Bellagio...
Ted: I am not going to Vegas with you! I'm not going to blow off my friends and my girlfriend, and spend my 30th birthday in a strip club. The fact that you think I would... You know, Barney, earlier this week I started putting things in a box and that box was labeled "stuff I have no use for anymore."
Barney: What does that mean?
Ted: It means... maybe you belong in that box.
Barney: Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?
Ted: I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore.
Barney: Okay, I'm going to stop you right there, because it seems like you're about to say something that's going to pretty much ruin Vegas.
Ted: Ranjit, stop the car. I'm getting a cab.

Robin: Ted, I know you're nervous, but you've got to stop procrastinating. You've spent the last two days choosing the official pen of Mosbius Designs.
Ted: Hey, I've made some progress! I've eliminated felt-tip. Who am I kidding? Felt's back in the ballgame.