Ted Quote #593
Robin: Ted, I know you're nervous, but you've got to stop procrastinating. You've spent the last two days choosing the official pen of Mosbius Designs.
Ted: Hey, I've made some progress! I've eliminated felt-tip. Who am I kidding? Felt's back in the ballgame.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Hey, hey. If Ted says that PJ is important to the company, then PJ is not going anywhere.
Ted: See? He's very valuable.
Barney: Well, whoa. PJ's a guy? PJ's not some hot chick you're banging?
Ted: No, I'm mentoring him.
Barney: Oh, mentoring. I mentored a young fellow once. Even made him my wingman. Then, one day, he hired an assistant to work ten feet from his bedroom who... get this... isn't a hot chick, proving he never listened to a word I said. And do you know that young man's name?
Ted: Ted Mosby?
Barney: Maybe. I don't remember. Because he is dead to me! PJ's gonna be getting a very confusing card in the mail, along with a garment that he should by no means wear for three days and then mail back to me.
Quote from Ted
Robin: Hey, you okay?
Ted: What if I don't think of the books?
Robin: Excuse me?
Ted: There's this famous architecture story about an architect who designed this library. It was perfect. But every year, the whole thing would sink a couple inches into the ground. Eventually, the building was condemned. He forgot to account for the weight of the books. This company... it's just me. What if I don't think of the books?
Robin: Okay. First of all, nobody goes to libraries anymore, so who cares about that guy? Secondly, you need to get on the phone and start calling clients.
Ted: The longer I put off starting my own firm, the longer it can remain a dream and not something I screwed up at. It's like I'm giving up before I even started.
Quote from Intervention
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment as Ted stacks books on a shelf:]
Marshall: Hey. What's that?
Ted: A 1986 World Book encyclopaedia. [en-sahy-kluh-pay-dee-uh] It's exactly the one I grew up with.
Ted: Oh, you think it should be pronounced encyclo-pee-dia. It's a common mistake. But if you look at that squished together "ae" symbol in this here encyclopaedia, you'll learn that it's a ligature derived from the Anglo-Saxon rune...
[The bookshelves collapse, ripping off a portion of plasterboard and exposing the building's red brick walls]
Marshall: You know, you're gonna have to paedia for that.
Quote from We're Not From Here
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much New Yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a New Yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland Tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!