Don: I brought you a little somethin' for after the meal.
Sally: Oh, thanks. "People's exhibit B"?
Don: It came from a bakery we raided that was a front for a drug dealer. You might want to scrape off the powdered sugar before you serve it.

Don: Hello, Alissa. Tommy. I'm here on official business. Alissa, we found your father's car on the interstate, crashed and covered with blood.
Alissa: Oh, my God!
Don: Do you mind? I'm not done yet. In addition, we found a dead deer not far from the car.
Tommy: This is horrible.
Alissa: So my dad hit a deer?
Don: Slow down, Nancy Drew. That's one explanation. Another is a tri-county murder spree with your dad at the center. [Tommy squeals]
Alissa: What does that have to do with a dead deer?
Don: Even a deer can be a witness. Maybe it saw something and paid the price. [police radio chatter, indistinct] Orville. Go. [radio chatter, indistinct] 10-4. Your father was spotted checking into a motel with a psycho wearing a tight t-shirt and carrying a purse.
Alissa: So my dad's okay? He's alive?
Don: Yes. But my cop nose tells me that there's an ugliness spreading throughout this town. No one is safe. See ya.

Sally: Come on, Tommy. You can get through this. We've been through tougher things than this before.
Tommy: You're right. We have. Damn right, we have
Sally: Yeah!
Tommy: Okay! [gunshot] [both scream]
Don: Hey, I'm sorry, I thought that the trigger was the safety.

Don: I'll take care of this. Sally?
Sally: Hello, Don. It's been a long time.
Don: I thought you walked out of my life for good.
Sally: I'm back. I ran into trouble out there in the city.
Don: The city is full of trouble.
Sally: I found this on my car.
Don: Parked in a handicap zone. I'm sure you had a good reason.
Sally: Yes. It was the closest spot to the store.
Don: Works for me. Consider this taken care of.
Sally: Just like that?
Don: Just like that. Sally, can I take you out tonight?
Sally: 'Kay.

Don: What the heck is going on here? You almost made me spill my joe.
Sally: That noise, Don, what is it?
Don: All right, everyone, there's no need to panic. This has been a test of the emergency broadcast system.
Dick: Why? Is there an emergency?
Don: No. This has only been a test. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed on where to go in your area for shelter.
Tommy: Shelter from what?
Don: Bombs.
Dick: To interrupt a program of this quality under the guise of national security is preposterous!

Sally: What did they do to you?
Tommy: It was pretty scary. As a juvenile, I could've spent 200 hours cleaning up other people's trash on the highway.
Don: But I wanted to teach him a lesson, so I charged him as an adult.
Sally: What does that mean?
Tommy: I got a $40 fine.
Sally: Where'd you get $40?
Don: I paid it. Damn the system!
Sally: Thanks, Don. I owe you big.

Dispatch: [radio chatter]
Don: Copy that. Over. [to Sally] I gotta get out of here.
Sally: Emergency?
Don: I don't know. I can't understand a word she says.

Dick: Oh, that's it! I want a new job. A job that comes with respect, stature, and free cheeseburgers. I want your job.
Don: Dick, you don't know the first thing about being a cop. It's a gritty job where a good day is one where you come home alive.
Tommy: Isn't that pretty much a good day for anyone?

Don: They are a strange family.
Mary: So strange.
Don: You know, they have a litter box. But no cat.
Mary: [laughs] Okay, how about this? Dick saves his toenail clippings and puts them in a shredder 'cause he's afraid of being cloned. [Don chuckles] So odd.
Don: So very... very odd.

Don: Well, I would have dropped by tomorrow, but rumor has it that the, uh, FBI has agents in town looking for somebody. Yeah, they might need old Donnie's help.
Sally: Who are they looking for?
Don: That's classified information.
Tommy: You have no idea, do you?
Don: That's also classified.