TV Quotes

Mrs. Dubcek: Could you guys keep an eye out for the U.P.S. guy? I'm expecting a package.
Dick: Why? Where are you going?
Mrs. Dubcek: My gynecologist.
Dick: Your who-li-gyne-what?
Mrs. Dubcek: My gynecologist. He's a wonderful doctor.
Dick: Good. I could use a new doctor.
Mrs. Dubcek: He's a women's doctor.
Sally: For women only?
Dick: Well, doesn't he realize he could double his business if he'd open his practice to everyone?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, please. I'm not into all that P.C. baloney. I think women should have their own doctors, and men shouldn't wait tables at Hooters.

Dispatch: [radio chatter]
Don: Copy that. Over. [to Sally] I gotta get out of here.
Sally: Emergency?
Don: I don't know. I can't understand a word she says.

Dick: This pregnancy thing is no big mystery. Man decides to have baby, man plants seed, man becomes dad. Cut and dried. Black and white. Clear as day.
Sally: Dick, you just don't get it, do you? This is not about men. It's about women. And women have this special club, this pregnancy club, and once you become a member, everything about you becomes fascinating: what you ate that day, what's swollen, how many times you went to the bathroom. Six.
Dick: Six?
Sally: See? Fascinating!

Don: Oh, this is a shocker, Dick. I gotta tell you, it wasn't easy watching Sally try on some of those maternity clothes.
Dick: What?! Damn it! I warned her! Nina, cancel my classes!
Nina: Why? What's going on?
Dick: Sally's become one of the pregnant.
Nina: Oh, my God! Is that true?
Don: I'm afraid so.
Nina: How did it happen?
Don: How do you think it happened?!

Dick: Nina? Nina!
Nina: What is it?
Dick: Here are the keys to my Rambler. Take it somewhere and have my tires rotated.
Nina: Uh, that is not in my job description.
Dick: Oh. What is in your job description?
Nina: Mmm... typing.
Dick: Well, type it into your job description and get it done by lunch.
Nina: I'll do that. [throws keys on the floor]

Mary: You really have a way with people.
Dick: Well, nobody listens to me. I mean, just this morning, I asked Sally to rotate my tires, but instead, she decided to go to the gynecologist. Now, is she wrong, or am I right?
Mary: You know, the great thing about not being in a relationship with you is that I don't have to care about your family's problems anymore.
Dick: So, you think I am right.
Mary: I'll tell you what I think. It's unfair of you to order Sally to do whatever you want as if you were king of the universe.
Dick: Oh, please! We look nothing alike.

Dick: Hello, Sally. How was your trip to the gynecologist?
Sally: Oh, it was great. I met these women, and they were so nice to me. Me, Dick! They were so warm and friendly and pregnant.
Dick: Pregnant?
Sally: They have their own lingo and special classes. They all dress alike and have this incredibly strong bond.
Dick: You know, they sound like a cult. It's too bad we can't infiltrate them.
Sally: Actually I already have.
Dick: You're not pregnant.
Sally: I'm faking it.
Dick: Oh. Smart thinking, Lieutenant. So, what month are you in?
Sally: Ooh, I don't know. 18?
Dick: You look great.

Jacquie: Now, when labor comes, it's your job to keep your partner relaxed, focused, and most importantly, calm.
Dick: You hear that, Sally? You're supposed to keep me calm.
Jacquie: No, Dick, she's not. That's your job.
Dick: Listen to you. You're making this all about the woman.
Jacquie: It is about the woman.
Dick: [laughs]

Dick: Don't make it sound so exclusive. We men have our own special club. It's called a treehouse - men only - and in it, we discuss our enlarged prostates. So there.

Dick: There you are!
Sally: Dick, what are you doing here?
Dick: I've come to take you home!
Jacquie: Now, wait a second.
Dick: I won't have you poisoning her mind with your utero-centric propaganda!