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The Big Giant Head Returns Again Part 2

‘The Big Giant Head Returns Again Part 2’

Season 5, Episode 22 - Aired May 30, 2000

Dick is reeling from the news that the Big Giant Head (William Shatner) is his father. Meanwhile, Tommy tries to patch things up with Alissa, while Vicki can't accept seeing Harry with another woman.

Quote from Harry

Dick: Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Who am I?!
Harry: Well, let me see. Your first name's Dick. Your new last name is Head, so I guess that would make...
Dick: Oh, my God.


Quote from Don

Don: I brought you a little somethin' for after the meal.
Sally: Oh, thanks. "People's exhibit B"?
Don: It came from a bakery we raided that was a front for a drug dealer. You might want to scrape off the powdered sugar before you serve it.

Quote from Dick

Dick: You guys know the Big Giant Head, right?
Sally: Yeah.
Harry: Uh-huh.
Dick: Well, you're not gonna believe this, but he's my... He's my father!
Sally: What?! No way!
Tommy: That's just like in Star Wars when Luke Skywalker finds out that Darth Vader's his father.
Dick: Oh, grow up, Tommy. That was popular entertainment. This is real life!

Quote from Vicki Dubcek

Harry: Oh, Vicki, what happened to you?!
Vicki Dubcek: Well, you don't know what it's like livin' up there with him! I mean, at least on Earth I could fill the void in my soul with malt liquor and Velveeta.

Quote from Dick

Big Giant Head: Are you sure this is what fathers and sons do?
Dick: Yeah. Trust me. I saw it on a Kodak commercial.
Big Giant Head: How long do we drag our strings in the water?
Dick: I guess until somebody takes our picture and then processes it on Kodak paper.

Quote from Nina

Big Giant Head: The fish we got in the market have a lot less attitude than the ones in the lake.
Dick: Nina, could you behead and filet these for us? We're both starving.
Nina: Oh, I'd be happy to! Would you like them grilled or sauted.
Dick: You are such a sweetheart.
[Nina puts the fish in Dick's desk drawer]

Quote from Dick

Big Giant Head: So, Mary, tell me more about yourself. What do your parents do?
Mary: Oh, you know. They're just average retirees. Dad plays golf.
Dick: Yeah. And her mom likes to get tanked and shoot at squirrels from the garden window with a BB gun. You're just gonna love these people.

Quote from Harry

Harry: You two know each other?
Janice: Well, yeah. I met Vicki at the mall today.
Harry: Well, what a small world! You know, I wonder who else I know knows someone I know that I don't know knows that person I know. You know?

Quote from Harry

Vicki Dubcek: Hey, I have an extra ticket to Tommy's graduation. Please tell me you'll come. Please!
Janice: I don't know. Harry, isn't graduation sort of a family thing?
Harry: Oh, come on. Are you kiddin' me? Hearin' the names of 500 kids read in alphabetical order? That's not just fun for family. That's fun for everyone!

Quote from Tommy

Tommy: Come on, Dick! You can't run away. Just stand up to the guy. He's just your father.
Dick: Yeah, but fathers are supposed to be looked up to and revered. Plus, I don't want him to give me the belt.
Tommy: What planet have you been living on for the last five years? Kids here don't revere their parents. They disrespect the hell out of them!
Dick: Are you sure?
Tommy: Yes. Trust me. This is my area. I know about disrespecting fathers.
Dick: That's right. You always make me feel like crap.
Tommy: See that?
Dick: Oh gee, thanks, Tommy. I don't know what I'd do without you. I probably don't say this often enough, but I love you, son.
Tommy: Shut up.
Dick: Jeez, you are good!

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