Sally: How did these bozos get to be so powerful?
Mrs. Dubcek: You know what they say: under every great man is a great woman.
Don: Don't you mean "behind every man"?
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, you're dirty.

Mrs. Dubcek: Hi, hi. I heard about your car radio. Did you call the cops?
Dick: Oh, I don't think that's necessary.
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, don't be silly. You go down to the station, you ask for Officer Franco, an Italian gentlemen, very nice. He came right over when my boyfriend got beat up in my living room.
Dick: Your boyfriend got beat up in your own house?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah. Well, my husband didn't care for him.

Mrs. Dubcek: Well, this came for you. The mailman accidentally left it in my bedroom.

Mrs. Dubcek: Wow. I haven't been drugged and tied up like this since Valentine's Day.

Harry: Uh, Miss Dubcek, there's a man downstairs pounding on your door.
Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, he woke up. Maybe I should let him out.

[on Mary's film:]
Mrs. Dubcek: The Solomons are lovely people. Very nice. They're clean. They never complain, and, as for the noise, well, I think they've gotten used to it.
Mary: [v.o.] How do you think they function without a traditional mother figure?
Mrs. Dubcek: You said you were going to let me tap dance. When do I get to tap dance?

Mrs. Dubcek: Are those cops gonna be up here all night? 'Cause I'd really rather have them come down to my place.
Tommy: They're staking out this guy across the street who illegally pirates videos.
Mrs. Dubcek: Does he have any films starring... Chesty Doubloons?
Tommy: Uh, I'm not sure. Why?
Mrs. Dubcek: No reason.

Mrs. Dubcek: Oh, the '60s. What a lovely, lovely decade. You know, a lot of the stuff in this apartment is from the '60s.
Dick: Boy, classic things never go out of style.
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, those long-haired freaks thought they were so cool. Let me tell you one thing. I was reading poetry with Jack Kerouac in a cage in 1956, both of us buck naked.
Dick: Yes, well, thank you for that disturbing visual.
Mrs. Dubcek: I didn't hear Kerouac complain.

Dick: Mrs. Dubcek, as long as you're up here, what ethnic group do you come from?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, I'm a little Czech, a little Romanian. I'm your basic Slavic mutt, like my third husband.
Dick: Oh. What were your first two?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, the first was Irish, and the second was one of your people.
Dick: Our people?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah. Well, you know, Jewish.
Dick, Harry & Tommy: Jewish! [they confer] Oh!
Dick: So what tipped you off?
Mrs. Dubcek: Well, with your name it's pretty obvious.
Dick: Our name?
Mrs. Dubcek: Solomon.
Dick: Oh, you wonderful, wonderful woman! Thank you so much!

Sally: Hey, Mrs. Dubcek. You want a button?
Mrs. Dubcek: Yeah! I'm glad Harry is standing up for good old-fashioned family values. You could learn from this lesson, Sally. Never date a guy if he's not good to his wife and kids.