Quote from The Art of Dick
Dick: Low-mass black holes form only when matter is compressed into enormous densities by very large external pressures. And this demonstrates which principle of quantum matter physics? [silence] I'll give you a hint. It has nothing to do with geometric cosmology. Anyone? If no one answers, I'll have to pick someone.
Leon: Someone please answer. Please raise your hand. Please, someone. Answer, please.
Dick: Leon, since you're talking, I'll ask you. What's the principle?
Leon: Uh, wetness?
Dick: No. Try again.
Caryn: Dr. Solomon, why do you keep calling on Leon? It's just not funny anymore.
Dick: That's nonsense. Leon, the only way of understanding the universe is to find the limits of your own intelligence.
Leon: I think I've reached my limit.
Quote from See Dick Run
Dick: Ah. Smell the spring air. What do you say we have class outside? The world is such a perfect place. What are we doing indoors?
Leon: Dr. Solomon.
Dick: What is it, darling?
Leon: Well, I think we're supposed to be having our final exam. And I'm shooting for a D, so I'll need the full hour.
Quote from Fourth and Dick
Dick: I just don't see why you care so much about a team that has no chance of winning. [all groan] Why are you so passionate about a lost cause? Ohio Western's record is 6-1. They're going to win. Why don't you root for them?
Bug: But we go to Pendelton. We're the badgers. The badgers are us. We're us, not them. They're them. We're us with the... Don't you get it?
Dick: No! Why didn't you just go to Western?
Leon: Because we choked on our SATs.
Quote from Dick's First Birthday
Dick: The truth is, time measured in years would have no significance at all if a second-rate sun hadn't pulled this planet into the little suck party we call gravity, causing everything on it to wither and die. Thoughts on that? Bug?
Bug: It doesn't look dyed to me.
Dick: Let me simplify. If a year is not a year anywhere but Earth, what does that make time in the universe? Leon, time is what? Don't think, Leon. Just answer. Time is what? Take a shot. Go!
Leon: Time is relative?
Dick: My god, Leon, you're right!
Leon: My head hurts.
Quote from Dick, Smoker
Pitman: Oh, man, Solomon's here.
Bug: Don't look, he might come over. Does he see us?
Leon: I'll check.
Dick: Leon! What a happy accident. Now we can spend the evening getting to know each other better. Please, continue with your conversation.
Leon: We can't. We were talking about you.
Quote from Truth or Dick
Dick: Leon, I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to tell me the complete truth.
Leon: This won't affect my grade?
Dick: Absolutely not. What do you think of me?
Leon: Uh... you make me really nervous. I don't know what's going on half the time, and when you walk around the room, I'm always afraid you're going to hit me in the back of the head.
Dick: Thank you. There, you see the truth. By the way, Leon, you're failing.
Leon: I thought you said it wouldn't affect my grade.
Dick: It didn't.
Quote from Frozen Dick
Leon: Dr. Solomon?
Dick: Well, come in, Leon. [Leon cautiously steps into the room] Come in, come in, come in, all the way in.
Leon: Can I have the weekend to turn in my paper?
Dick: Leon, do you find that I cause you stress?
Leon: Why? Did someone say I said that?
Leon: It was all a misunderstanding. [Leon starts backing away] I love physics. I find it very soothing. I don't know what you've heard. Please don't fail me. I'll turn the paper in by Friday. [exits]
Quote from Frozen Dick
Sally: Okay, here are our rations, tuna salad on whole wheat. Sorry, all we have to drink is this giant bottle of wine. It has a modest bouquet, but I think you'll be amused by its presumptuousness. Whatever. Well, Leon, to the survival of the species.
Leon: Oh, hmm, yes. [drinks]
Sally: Why are you nervous?
Leon: Well, it's just that I've never been with a woman of your... good-lookingness before.
Sally: Yeah, I know, I'm hot. It's kind of exciting for me, too. All the men I've met have been strong and decisive, and you're neither of those things.
Leon: Well, I can be, maybe. Probably not.
Sally: Oh, Leon, think what our offspring will be like. They'll have my skills as a warrior and your fierce intelligence.
Leon: Dr. Solomon doesn't talk much about me, does he?
Quote from Angry Dick
Dick: This shouldn't be all that difficult for you. The interactions of elementary particles are far simpler than the interactions between people. For example, Leon, do you have any friends in this class?
Leon: Uh... Well, sometimes I talk to Caryn.
Dick: Mmm-hmm. So Caryn is your friend?
Caryn: [mouths] No.
Dick: I see.
Quote from Dick the Vote
Bug: Well, sir, we just want to pay you the proper respects.
Leon: Yeah, we didn't know.
Dick: Know what?
Leon: About your family connections, Don Solomon.
Dick: Oh, it's that stupid ad. It's a complete and utter lie. I would hope you people would know better. Good, because I've had all I can take of this election foolishness. [the class scream as Dick pulls a microscope out of his bag] Oh! This is ridiculous! Your political system is a sham! It's nothing but lies and propaganda. Look what it's done to you. You can't even tell who's good or bad or right or wrong. Give me science. At least with physics, you know when you have the right answer.
Leon: I never do.