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‘Fear and Loathing in Rutherford’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

3rd Rock from the Sun: Fear and Loathing in Rutherford

602. Fear and Loathing in Rutherford

Aired October 31, 2000

Dick and Strudwick hit the road when they fear Tommy and Alissa are about to elope. Meanwhile, Sally and Harry hatch a plan to scare Tommy and Alissa into each other's arms.

Quote from Dick

Strudwick: You know, it's funny. I used to bring these creamers home to Alissa. She'd have little tea parties with her stuffed animals. They grow up quick, don't they?
Dick: Yeah. I can remember when Tommy didn't even know how to wipe his own butt. Then he figured it out all on his own. And taught me.

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Quote from Sally

Harry: Okay, they're on the couch, but they're not sitting very close.
Sally: Get over here. Harry, listen and learn. First, I got a chain to drag against the wall. Then I got a rubber axe. Then I got tomato juice, which doubles for blood, and I got low sodium tomato juice which doubles for blood but is better for you.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Well, this isn't scary. We gotta be subtle.
Sally: Subtle?
Harry: Yeah! Did you ever see Jaws? Okay. The scary part was not the shark. It was the hint of the shark. The fin. Oh! Slicin' through the water.
Sally: Well, what, so you got something planned?
Harry: Yes, I do.
[Harry turns around and reveals a fin attached to his back]
Sally: Harry, that's adorable, but you know, as a warrior, I think I know how to scare.
Harry: Well, as someone who's always scared, I think you're wrong.

Quote from Harry

Harry: Now we're gonna try it my way.
Sally: Birdseed? That's not scary. Plus, you'll attract every bird in the neighborhood.
Harry: Exactly. We'll feed 'em a lot at first. But then bit by bit, we'll pull back. First we'll get 'em hooked, and then we'll get 'em pissed.
Sally: Yeah, and then slowly we'll start to replace the seed with human flesh. That is not bad. All right. How soon do you think they'll come?
Harry: Well, maybe tonight. Maybe six months. Maybe never. But they'll come. As God is my witness, they'll come.

Quote from Dick

Strudwick: Dick? Dick? Is Alissa here?
Dick: No, she's not, Strudwick. Why don't you join her and not be here together?
Strudwick: Well, she disappeared three hours ago with your ragamuffin son.
Dick: Ragamuffin?! Sally, throw him out. Harry, bring me a dictionary.

Quote from Don

Don: Hello, Alissa. Tommy. I'm here on official business. Alissa, we found your father's car on the interstate, crashed and covered with blood.
Alissa: Oh, my God!
Don: Do you mind? I'm not done yet. In addition, we found a dead deer not far from the car.
Tommy: This is horrible.
Alissa: So my dad hit a deer?
Don: Slow down, Nancy Drew. That's one explanation. Another is a tri-county murder spree with your dad at the center. [Tommy squeals]
Alissa: What does that have to do with a dead deer?
Don: Even a deer can be a witness. Maybe it saw something and paid the price. [police radio chatter, indistinct] Orville. Go. [radio chatter, indistinct] 10-4. Your father was spotted checking into a motel with a psycho wearing a tight t-shirt and carrying a purse.
Alissa: So my dad's okay? He's alive?
Don: Yes. But my cop nose tells me that there's an ugliness spreading throughout this town. No one is safe. See ya.

Quote from Harry

Harry: [opens bottle] "You almost won a million dollars. Please try again." [screws cap and opens again] What does it say, Tommy? I can't look.

Quote from Tommy

Strudwick: Hello, Thomas.
Tommy: Hello, Strudwick.
Strudwick: I thought Alissa had given you your walking papers.
Tommy: I'm sorry. My what?
Strudwick: Dumped you. Gave you the boot. The old heave ho.
Tommy: Oh, yes. Yes, she did. But she's a big girl. She can change her mind. She can make her own decisions. And who's to say that she won't make those decisions with me... in your Jacuzzi?
Strudwick: You shut your mouth.
Alissa: Okay! All right. Bye-bye, Daddy.
Strudwick: Where are you two going? What's in that suitcase?
Tommy: Those must be my walking papers.

Quote from Dick

Strudwick: Dick, my toothbrush is wet. Did you brush your teeth with it?
Dick: No, I did not... brush my teeth... with your toothbrush.
Strudwick: Well, let's try and get some sleep. I never want to think about this day again.
Dick: Which part don't you want to think about most? Our abandonment of Mary? Our collision with that deer? Or your coming epiphany that I'm a nocturnal spooner?

Quote from Harry

Sally: Aw, man. Are you still moping about Alissa?
Tommy: Well, what am I supposed to do? She won't even talk to me. Everything was going really great right up until graduation. I don't even know what I did wrong.
Sally: You gave a commencement speech that was mostly about making out with her on her parent's bed.
Tommy: No one ever remembers those speeches.
Harry: If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you'll ever do any better than Alissa.

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