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Much Ado About Dick

‘Much Ado About Dick’

Season 2, Episode 5 -  Aired October 13, 1996

Dick is upset when Mary wants to keep their relationship a secret. Meanwhile, Officer Don helps Sally out when she gets a parking ticket.

Quote from Dick

Mary: No. Stop it.
Dick: We're not in the office.
Mary: Behave yourself.
Dick: Let's go back in the car.
Mary: No.
Dick: Not in the car, not in the bar, not in the house, not up your blouse. I cannot touch you here or there. I cannot touch you anywhere.


Quote from Sally

Sally: What's this? [picks up parking ticket] I won. I won $150!

Quote from Harry

Tommy: Harry, I need a ride.
Harry: No.
Tommy: You know, I outrank you.
Harry: Oh. Well, in that case, no, sir.
Tommy: Please? Just give me a ride.
Harry: Look, come on. Can't you see that I'm busy? What, is it too much to ask for a little time for Harry?
Tommy: I'll tell you what. If the roadrunner wins this next one, you take me. But if he doesn't, I'll never ask you again.
Harry: Okay, you're on. I've seen this next scheme before, and it's far too brilliant to fail twice. [falling sound on TV] Let's go.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Well, you just don't understand. I've worked hard to be taken seriously. There was a time when I had a reputation.
Dick: For excellence?
Mary: Well, yes, but in a very specific category. When I was a young professor on the fast track, there were things that I did.
Dick: Well, what were you doing?
Mary: The Dean.
Dick: Is that like the Watusi?
Mary: Sometimes. There was this very prestigious job opening.
Dick: Did you get it?
Mary: No, I didn't get the job, but I did get a nickname. Dr. Mary Slutbunny.

Quote from Dick

Sally: Because I can make a difference.
Dick: I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but I forbid it.
Sally: Why?
Dick: Because you will make a difference. Say you clean up Rutherford. What's next?
Sally: Cleveland.
Dick: Exactly. Then you clean up Ohio.
Sally: That's the plan.
Dick: Soon, the entire Midwest is crime-free. What's going to happen to all those people whose income depends on crime? The lawyers, the insurance companies, the 11:00 news? Hell, the entire FOX network? There are worldwide implications here. And we're not supposed to interfere with life on this planet.

Quote from Don

Don: I'll take care of this. Sally?
Sally: Hello, Don. It's been a long time.
Don: I thought you walked out of my life for good.
Sally: I'm back. I ran into trouble out there in the city.
Don: The city is full of trouble.
Sally: I found this on my car.
Don: Parked in a handicap zone. I'm sure you had a good reason.
Sally: Yes. It was the closest spot to the store.
Don: Works for me. Consider this taken care of.
Sally: Just like that?
Don: Just like that. Sally, can I take you out tonight?
Sally: 'Kay.

Quote from Judith

Dick: You're wrong.
Judith: I'm right.
Dick: You're wrong.
Judith: I'm not wrong.
Dick: You're wrong about that, too.
Judith: There's no way to observe a society without intruding. One can't help but leave footprints.
Dick: Well, of course not. I've seen your bipedal gait.
Judith: So let me get this straight. You're saying that you could drop right out of the sky into some strange culture and walk amongst them unnoticed?
Dick: Yes! Hypothetically.
Judith: Mary, you're an anthropologist. Back me up.
Mary: Oh, I'm afraid I'd have to agree with Dr. Solomon.
Judith: Of course. What was I thinking? You're sleeping with him.

Quote from Don

Don: Sally, you look beautiful.
Sally: Oh, Don, that's just the doughnuts talking. You know, what you did today was really powerful. I mean, you just snapped your fingers , and things fell into place.
Don: Let's just keep that our little secret, shall we?
Sally: Okay.
Don: Would you like another doughnut?
Sally: I don't know. Are you sure you can afford it?
Don: I get 'em for free, all except the cream-filled, but all that will change when I make detective.
Sally: That day will come, Don. We'll make it come.
Don: And then... we can eat cream-filled together.

Quote from Dick

Mary: Oh, Dick.
Dick: Oh, Mary.
Mary: We mustn't do this here.
Dick: Yes, we must do it.
Mary: We can't!
Dick: We can. I measured.
Mary: Oh! I have an early class tomorrow.
Sally: You hear what she said, Dick? She's got an early class tomorrow.
Dick: Will you be quiet? Can't you see I'm trying to get to second base here?

Quote from Harry

Sally: Things have really changed since she entered the picture.
Tommy: Yeah, now we even have to act like humans when we're by ourselves.
Sally: She's like that Yoko woman who ruined her husband's band.
Harry: Oh, yeah. You remember that episode where she convinced Ricky that she could play the bongos?

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