Don: I'm Officer Don Orville. Over the past 20 years, I've studied self-defense at some of the top government agencies, developing simple yet effective combat techniques.
Nina: Excuse me.
Don: Yes?
Nina: Does the small print on your shirt say "Federal Bikini Inspector"?
Don: Yes. But for the record, this shirt was given to me after Spring Break '81, and I did earn it.

Sally: Pot Pies, Belly Stuffers, Breakfast in Seconds... Ah, here we are. Pizza. Don? What are you doing in there?
Don: [stuttering] I'm i-inspecting. Yeah. Uh, yep, these frozens are up to code. Good work, people!

Sally: So, if you knew you were gonna be on freezer duty, why didn't you dress for it?
Don: Cold doesn't bother me.
Sally: Then why are you shaking?
Don: Why am I shaking? [sobbing] I'm shaking because there was a robbery. There's no such thing as freezer duty.
Sally: What?
Don: I- I was hidin' from the bad guy. I'm a coward.
Sally: No.
Don: That's why I joined the force. All those cops around, I thought I'd feel safe. [closes freezer door]

Sally: Don? What's with the police tape surrounding your house?
Don: I'm not in the mood for company. I'm a coward.
Sally: All right. Now, you listen to me, Donald Leslie Orville. Ever since I have know you, you have gone out there every day and done your job, even though you're scared to death. There's only one word for that kind of coward. Brave!
Don: I never thought of that.
Sally: Well, think again. And you know what? Now that you've been honest with yourself, you have the power to be the man you've always wanted to be. The man you deserve to be. The man I fell in love with.
Don: I feel like I can go back out in the world and start again. I can always tape my soaps! Thank you, Sally.
Sally: My pleasure. [pins Don's badge to his bath robe] Now... that's my boy. [Don screams] What? Uh, did I poke you?
Don: No, it's just cold against my skin.

Don: Sally, I really took your advice to heart. So I went down to the station and I made some changes.
Sally: You volunteered for the anti-gang unit?
Don: I'm opening a muffin shop!
Sally: What? Don, that's ridiculous. You were meant to be a cop.
Don: Only in your dreams. Whenever I was at work, I was scared. But whenever I'm around muffins... not so much.
Sally: Dick, get in here and tell Don what you were gonna tell him!

Don: I'm on my way to turn in my stuff down at the station, and I wanted you to be the first to try my brand-new, world-famous banana-bread muffins!
Sally: It's- It's big.
Don: Well, I couldn't find those little cupcake papers, so I had to use coffee filters.

Don: Harry, is this your vehicle?
Harry: Yeah.
Don: Well, I'm gonna have to write you up. All novelty vehicles must have a permit displayed. Even the Wienermobile's got one.