Don: Well, I gotta go. See you, Sally. Tommy, Dick, Harry. You know, I- I just noticed that you're Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Harry: So?
Don: So Tom, Dick, and Harry. You know, like "every Tom, Dick, and Harry."
Tommy: Well... that doesn't mean that it's a calculated attempt on our part to seem average.
Harry: Yeah. I mean, we just picked names at random when we got here. [Dick and Sally slap Harry] I mean when we landed. [Dick and Sally slap Harry again] Bye, Don.
Don: Bye.
Tommy: Well, that was close.

Dick: Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Who am I?!
Harry: Well, let me see. Your first name's Dick. Your new last name is Head, so I guess that would make...
Dick: Oh, my God.

Harry: Well, I'm going with ya. Because I, too, have a wanderlust inspired by a different book.
Tommy: You do?
Harry: Indeed. And one day far from here, you and I will point our fingers at that bespectacled man with the sock hat and proudly say, "There's Waldo!"
Tommy: Harry, Waldo's a fictional character.
Harry: Ah, then it will be that much sweeter... when we find him.

Harry: Dick? I can't see through my eyelids.
Sally: Open them.
Harry: Oh! They're manual.

Dick: Why does death have to be so inconvenient?
Harry: [holding an apple] Mmm, to die, to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Oh! [turns apple around to reveal three bite marks that look like the holes of a skull] There's the rub, for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause.
Dick: What's that from?
Harry: I don't know, some Mel Gibson movie.

Dick: What have you got there, Harry?
Harry: Well, yesterday I was exploring the park, and I found this stone. Look at it. It's been worn to a perfect sphere by the elements and dimpled by time.
Sally: Harry, that's a golf ball.

Harry: I want to make the world a better place. I want to bring mankind the gift of electricity.
Tommy: They have electricity.
Harry: Ah. Then my work is done.

Harry: No, Sally, no. I mean, I have a difficult job too. When- And- I think that you should shut up.
Sally: What is your job exactly?
Harry: I am the sponge. I know many things.
Sally: Like what, oh, great sponge?
Harry: Okay. Like how many bags of trash do our neighbors produce per week. What are Barney's friends names? His real friends. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a marble! You don't know, do you?
Tommy: Well, he's got you there.

Tommy: Good morning, Harry. What are you eating?
Harry: New cereal.
Tommy: Monopoly?
Harry: Finally a cereal about real estate.
Sally: Uh, Harry, that's a game, like Life.
Harry: Life's a cereal too.
Tommy: And a magazine.
Sally: Yeah, and a bowl of cherries, but that doesn't change the fact that you're eating little plastic houses.
Harry: Plastic, no. These houses are just stale. [spits out] Stale plastic!

Tommy: Oh, man. The High Commander and the Lieutenant are incapacitated. You know what that means? The Information Officer takes over, and that's me. I'm in charge of the mission.
Harry: Permission to speak, High Commander.
Tommy: Permission granted.
Harry: Well, we might as well just take this mission, roll it up and stick it... [voice quavers] Incoming message from the Big Giant Head. "Your request to return home for emergency maintenance has been authorized."
Tommy: Yes!
Harry: "The time-space portal will open tomorrow evening between 8:51 and 8:53 P.M. Earth time. On your journey home, we will be showing Tin Cup, starring Kevin Costner and Rene Russo."
Tommy: Well, that settles it. We're going.
Harry: "The Big Giant Head looks forward to reading your comprehensive report on the history of human civilization."
Tommy: Oh, no.