Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, the economy was booming, Americans were heading into the office. No one was more into working 9:00 to 5:00 than my mom.
[Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 plays over a montage of Beverly waking up, getting ready for work and commuting]
Beverly: [sings along] ♪ Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living ♪ Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving ♪ They just use your mind, and they never give you credit ♪ It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it ♪
Principal Ball: What do you think you're doing?
Beverly: Oh, I'm just exercising my right as an American to complain about the rat race, the grind, the old 9:00 to 5:00. But secret story... I love it.
Principal Ball: But we're a school. We start at 8:00.
Beverly: But the Dolly Parton song...
Principal Ball: Look, no one loves the Smoky Mountain Songbird more than I do, but that Backwoods Barbie has no bearing on our hours.
Beverly: My coworkers/best buds will share a chuckle about our overbearing boss. [they both laugh] You're a joke.

Beverly: Mr. Glascott, you're usually chipper. What's got you down?
Mr. Glascott: Oh, I'm not down. I'm just having a contemplative moment about turning 55, the same age as the speed I won't exceed.
Beverly: It's your birthday? Well, how are we celebrating?
Mr. Woodburn: This yogurt I'm eating has his name on it.
Helen: Your parents did it in April. Nice.
Beverly: Come on. We've got to bake a cake, call a school assembly so the kids can sing to him. This man is your best friend.
Mr. Woodburn: Best friend? Where'd you get that horrible notion?
Beverly: Murphy Brown, Designing Women, Cheers, Mary Tyler Moore.
Mr. Glascott: Yeah, those are all fun, but that's a bunch of hooey.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Barry and Geoff prepared for a win, my mom was at a loss about how to connect with her coworkers.
Beverly: I don't get it. I have tried everything to bond with these dopes. Cakes. Parms. Parmed cakes. Nothing works. And I'm pretty sure they're using bird calls to warn each other I'm coming.
Coach Nick: Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Bird noise alert!
Mr. Perott: Oh, hell no!
Beverly: And it's nothing like the workplaces on TV. Where are my instant friendship and hilarious misadventures?
Adam: Has it ever occurred to you that you've been terrifying these people on my behalf for a decade?
Beverly: Please. When have I ever terrified them?
[montage of Beverly harrassing the teachers]
Adam: I'm just saying, I think they need time to adjust. How about you just leave them alone?
Beverly: You're right. I should mix in more.
Adam: That's the opposite of what I said!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was March 24th, 1980-something, and my girlfriend, Brea, was off to visit her cousin at college, which for two teens in love, wasn't easy.
Brea: I can't believe we're not gonna see each other for three whole days. We've never been apart that long.
Adam: One last kiss before you go?
Beverly: Hell, yes!
Adam: Mom!
Beverly: Sorry, Schmoo. You've got that lazy eye. It wasn't clear who you were talking to.
Adam: Here's a fun way to know the difference... It's never you!
Brea: Oh. We'll just save that kiss for later.
Adam: Okay. Love you.
Beverly: Love you too. Sorry. The eye keeps finding me.

Pops: So, where's Brea off to, kiddo?
Adam: Visiting her cousin at the University of Virginia.
Beverly: Hold on. You're letting Brea visit a college south of the Mason-Dixon line, in a state that's famously "for lovers"?
Adam: She's not visiting the school. She's visiting her cousin.
Beverly: Cousin visits are gateways to actual college visits. One minute, you're all, "Yay! Our moms are sisters." And then, the next minute, "Mmm, yeah. I think I could spend four years here."
Adam: Where are you going with this? Is a question I'm sure I'll regret asking.
Beverly: Once Brea strolls past the columns of the UVA Rotunda and then picnics next to the waters of Lake Monticello, she will fall in love with the place.
Adam: Where is all this specific UVA information coming from?

Beverly: Have you and Brea even talked about your college plans?
Adam: A little. We're both applying to NYU.
Beverly: So you explicitly told her that you wanted to go to school together?
Adam: No, but we'll have that talk once we both get in. Then everything will be hunky-dory.
Beverly: You mean, hunky dog [bleep]! While you're in the Big Apple yelling at taxis, she'll be watching a shirtless blacksmith making horseshoes while saying, "Oh, I do declare."
Adam: Shirtless blacksmith? At least he should be wearing a leather apron while working the flame. A-And stop trying to get in my head.

Beverly: I just thought it'd be nice if Adam surprised Brea with a quick phone call.
Adam: I don't need to call Brea. We're fine. Plus, she's on the road. There's no way to reach her.
Beverly: Lucky for you, I've calculated her likely rate of speed, miles per gallon on her VW Rabbit, and the time she'll slow down to admire herself in the mirror. According to my calculations, Brea should be at this gas station, and I've got the number on speed dial.
Adam: Do not.
Beverly: [phone beeps] Oops.

Adam: Smells good. What are you cooking?
Beverly: Oh, just some fried catfish, hush puppies, sweet potato pie, and Mama's famous fried okra.
Adam: Brea's coming over! She can't know we've been down South!
Beverly: [Southern accent] Quit your fussin'. I reckon I'd never tell tales about goin' down yonder.
Adam: Damn it, woman. Get it together!
Beverly: Please. You ain't knee-high to a June bug, so don't pitch a hissy fit, and set a spell. [Brea enters]
Adam: [Southern accent] There she is! Now, don't get too far in here, 'cause we gotta git. [normal voice] I mean go! Damn it!
Brea: I thought we were having dinner. Are those hoecakes?
Adam: There's no way to know! Move, move, move!
Brea: What? Oh!
Beverly: Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was March 31st, 1980-something, and my mom was playing her favorite sport... haggling with salespeople.
Beverly: So listen up, Deb. You're gonna take this coupon, apply it to the existing discount, then hand me the sweater plus $15.
Deb: I'm getting the manager.
Beverly: Great. Go get Gerald. [chuckles] It'll give me time to get mad.
Erica: Can we go? I still have to exist in this society even when you're not around.
Beverly: Erica, I will not pay a dollar more than the $4 that I've already paid for that giant bag of new clothes.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And from there, things only got weirder.
Beverly: Nothing like a little group speedwalk to help break up the day.
Virginia Kremp: A run would also feel good.
Essie Karp: I'm super cold but sweaty. Let's run hard.
Beverly: Linda's just nodding 'cause she can't move her jaw, but I say yes, too!