Beverly: As of tomorrow, I will officially start my second job.
Erica: What's your first job?
Beverly: Being a mom! Unbelievable.

Beverly: Something's wrong. He didn't come to the window. I've got to get up there and put my lips on his forehead. It's the only way to get an accurate temperature.

Beverly: F as in fail? No, that's literally humanly impossible. My children don't fail.

Beverly: Hey you go, boys. Toad in the hole for my snuggle face. Raisin bran and prune juice for the coolest and most regular daddy I know.

Beverly: My little angel's a ten. You are a ten. You're a [bleep] ten!

Beverly: If stealing a van and trying to break into my own home so I can snuggle my boy is crazy, then I don't want to be sane.

Beverly: If anyone understands what you're going through, it's momma.
Adam: No offense, Mom, but you have no idea how hard this is for me.
Beverly: Please. I've watched two children go through the "Pubening", ha. Heck, I even went through it myself at the tender age of nine.
Pops: It wasn't ideal.
Beverly: They used to call me Booberly.

Adam: I'm the one who needs to find the right table, 'cause where I sit will define me for the next four years. It's just like "The Breakfast Club." Look at the cliques: the cheerleaders, the burners, the band geeks, the Mom?!
Beverly: Hey, kids! Over here. Come sit with your mother.
Adam: Oh, balls. Balls, balls.
Erica: Son of a-
Lainey: Um, your mom's here.
Erica: We know. We see her.
Beverly: Yoo-hoo! Can you see me?
Erica: She's waving very clearly at us.
Beverly: I'm your mama! I pushed you out of my swimsuit area!

Beverly: Okay, come here. I got to put my lips on your forehead and take your temperature.
Barry: I'm fine. Keep your lips off me.
Beverly: Come here, come here. Mwah! Oh, my God. You must be 102.3. You're with fever!
Barry: I'm not with fever. There's no science to putting lips on a forehead.
Beverly: Why do you think they call it a ther-mom-eter? Mom is in the name. 'Cause we invented it.
Murray: Yeah, none of that's real.

Murray: Wait, if the clamp gets wet, doesn't it get rusty?
Beverly: Of course it gets rusty. He works around water and metal. That's why he wears a bag over the clamp.
Murray: Ah, come on, there's gotta be a better way to clean pools than a homemade clamp with a bag over it.
Beverly: He's a very determined man!