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39Quotes from ‘The Circle of Driving Again’

The Goldbergs: The Circle of Driving Again

508. The Circle of Driving Again

Aired November 29, 2017

As Murray tries to teach Adam how to drive on his sixteenth birthday, his head is filled with Beverly's scary stories about driving. Meanwhile, when Barry visits Erica at college, his popularity makes her question why she hasn't made any friends.

Quote from Beverly

Murray: Wait, if the clamp gets wet, doesn't it get rusty?
Beverly: Of course it gets rusty. He works around water and metal. That's why he wears a bag over the clamp.
Murray: Ah, come on, there's gotta be a better way to clean pools than a homemade clamp with a bag over it.
Beverly: He's a very determined man!

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Oh, my God. Please tell me you made him wear a seatbelt.
Adam: Technically, I didn't get that far.
Beverly: Doesn't matter. You always wear a seatbelt. Why?
Adam: Because of the road pirates.
Pops: What the hell are road pirates?
Adam: They're like sea pirates, but instead of other ships, they plunder mid-sized sedans and hatchbacks.
Beverly: That's right. Without a belt, they'll just reach into the window and yank you out of the car.
Murray: What are these words?! What are you teaching him when I'm not around?

Quote from Beverly

Pops: Oy vey, Bev. There is no train.
Beverly: Essie Karp's pool man thought the same thing until, boom! His truck was T-boned by a commuter train. Now he holds the skimmer with a homemade clamp.
Pops: Homemade clamp?
Beverly: It's attached to his shoulder. He opens and shuts it with wires he keeps in his mouth.
Murray: No arm part? Just a clamp and a shoulder?
Beverly: Pulleys. It works very well.
Murray: Wouldn't he just choose a different career if he had a homemade clamp?
Beverly: Skimming is his life, Murray. It's what he knows. It's what he knows!
Adam: Everything you're saying right now is very distracting.

Quote from Beverly

Pops: Please drop it already.
Beverly: You know he cleans gutters in the fall? He just swaps in a scooper for the clamp.
Murray: Scoop? What kind of scooper?
Beverly: [laughs] He scoops with a homemade ladle. He scoops out all the gutters.
Murray: So he's scooping gutters with a homemade ladle?
Beverly: He scoops and skims!
Murray: You expect me to believe that?
Beverly: He scoops in the fall and skims in the summer! Scoops and skims.

Quote from Barry

Barry: I'll ask around and find the fun.
Erica: What? How are you gonna do that?
Barry: With this here bag of college!
Erica: Bag of wha'?
Barry: College! In it is everything you need to kick ass here. Jean shorts. Tie-dye poncho. Trick dog with leash. Rasta hat. Fake $100 bill, attached to a quarter mile of string. Foam hand. Sacks to hacky. Stunt kite. Oyster crackers. Unicycle! A Snoopy snow-cone machine! Boomerang! Pogo stick. Devil sticks. Drum sticks. Chopsticks. Beef sticks. Pickup sticks. A stick I found.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: What the hell did you do, Murray?!
Murray: I finally agree with you. That kid should never drive, and he should stay your little baby forever.
Beverly: No, Adam needs to drive!
Murray: Then what's with the cookie business?!
Pops: And the road pirates?
Beverly: I spent the last five years scaring Adam with my stories so he'd be a super terrified, very cautious driver. Now's the time for you to swoop in and call him a moron until he learns to drive.
Murray: Wait, that's your plan?
Beverly: Worked perfectly for Erica and Barry. I don't know what went wrong here.
Pops: I have a theory. Your stories didn't teach him to be cautious. They just terrified a very gullible, anxious child.
Beverly: No one wants your objective opinions based on facts, Dad.
Murray: We'll handle it, Al.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: There's my handsome men. I just snickered up a batch of doodles.
Adam: Should you tell her or should I?
Murray: Let me take this. I was out teaching him how to drive.
Beverly: The [bleep] you say?

Quote from Pops

Adult Adam: [v.o.] With that, my parents shut down my grandfather, who went upstairs and bribed me to drive.
Pops: Okey dokey, it's happening. We'll see you in a few hours.
Murray: What? Wh-Where are you going?
Pops: To take the kid out driving, just like we agreed.
Beverly: Uh, no. You had your diver's license taken away, remember?
Pops: So? Doesn't mean I can't still drive.
Beverly: That's exactly what it means. Wait, are you still driving?
Pops: Sure. How else do you think I get here every day?
Murray: The bus. You told us you took the bus.
Pops: Why would I do that? I got a car.

Quote from Barry

Srini: Wait, you know this girl, Big Tasty?
Barry: She's my sister. Ah, she sucks at first, but you'll come to love her.
Srini: We're currently still in the sucking phase.
Erica: Oh, my God! What world am I living in?
Srini: Fine. Since you're related to Big Tasty, I'm willing to overlook your extremely hurtful words and re-invite you to my soiree.
Barry: You hear that, Erica? He's gonna ignore how terrible you are.

Quote from Erica

Other Erica: Wow, you're, like, really harshing on Def Leppard right now.
Erica: I can't believe you're actually going to that dumb party.
Other Erica: Totally, and I'm, like, super bummed you're not gonna be there.
Erica: Well, you don't have to be sarcastic about it.
Other Erica: I'm, like, not. This is just how I talk.

Quote from Erica

Barry: Oooookay! Let's keep this party going. Who's up next?
Other Erica: I was gonna sing The Go-Go's, but I didn't realize this party is religious-themed.
Erica: What? No. [chuckles] That's just a beautiful song that showcases my voice.
Other Erica: Oh. Job well done, then.
Erica: Oh, she's not being mean. That's just how she talks.
Other Erica: No, this time, it was totally meant to be mean.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: It's doubters like you that make him want to skim harder.

Quote from Pops

Pops: Surprising amount of paperwork for a tiny, little nudge.
Beverly: Dad, we T-boned a cop. And you told him to stop making a big deal out of it.
Pops: I think that cop had something going on at home.

Quote from Adam

Murray: Okay, first things first. Give me your keys, Al. No more driving.
Pops: How is this on me? Adam was behind the wheel.
Murray: You know how it works. It's the circle of driving. Somebody loses a license, someone gets a license.
Adam: Or, Pops keeps driving, 'cause I'm not. See? The circle of driving ends with me.
Murray: The circle of driving does not end with you.
Adam: Or Pops keeps driving, 'cause I'm not. See? The circle of driving ends with me.
Murray: You can't end the circle of driving.
Adam: Oh, I just did! The circle is complete.

Quote from Pops

Adam: Hey, Pops? Got a second?
Pops: Sure thing, kiddo.
Adam: Listen, I was thinking Maybe Mom and Dad are right. Maybe it's time for you to stop driving. For real this time.
Pops: Your parents put you up to this?
Adam: No. This time, it's coming from me. I know Mom drilled car safety into my head and all, but I think, in your case, you really should listen.
Pops: Adam, I can't just stop driving. I mean, how are we gonna go on all our crazy adventures?
Adam: Easy. I'll drive us.
Pops: You?
Adam: If getting my license means I get to keep hanging out with you, then I'm all in.
Pops: You'd do that for me? Then I guess these are yours now.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: I know you're bummed about giving up driving, so I thought this place would cheer you up.
Pops: You know me well, kiddo.
Beverly: Oh, hell no! We're going to the Spaghetti Warehouse across the street. Don't even look at this place.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: It's jingling.
Pops: Jingling means keys.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was the sterling-silver Mom locket that all the Goldberg boys got.
Beverly: I put my picture in there so you can always have your mama near your heart.
Barry: Yes! He got the worst gift, too.
Adam: I love it. Thank you, Mama.

Quote from Adam

Barry: Wait. That's your reaction? You get a garbage locket of Mom instead of a car, and you appreciate it?
Adam: Yeah, I'm good with not getting a car. Or driving in general. You get it.
Barry: No, I don't get it at all!
Adam: I've got no sense of direction, I have bad depth perception due to my lazy eye, and I'm easily startled by birds.
Murray: So you're just not gonna drive?
Adam: Yeah, I'm not so much a driver as the guy who sits behind the driver in the backseat.
Pops: You mean a rich guy?
Adam: Exactly. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have play practice. Father, go fetch your driving pants, which are just regular pants you refuse to wear.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Ugh, look at all these bozos and their lame clubs. The whole point of going to college is to be left alone.
Other Erica: I thought it was more, like, to learn and grow and make lifelong friendships.
Erica: Meh. I've got enough friends.
Other Erica: Do you?

Quote from Adam

Murray: Okay, moron. Lose the disturbing "Mom" necklace, take these keys. I'm teaching you how to drive.
Adam: Ooooooh. I'd love to, but the ol' ball 'n' chain says I'll learn when I'm ready, nomasayin'?
Murray: I say you're ready right now.
Adam: But what about all the horrible things Mom says will happen if I don't drive good?
Murray: What horrible things?
Adam: I could get a stop sign through the heart! Or a guard rail through the heart! Or a mailbox through the heart!
Murray: Why are all these things going through your heart? That's not even possible.
Adam: Tell that to Mom's friend Sheila's nephew. He was driving at dangerous speeds, and he flipped his car and got a mailbox- [gestures through the heart]

Quote from Adam

Murray: Okay, you gotta stop listening to these crazy things your mom tells you.
Adam: So rabid pigeons won't peck my eyes out through the sunroof?
Murray: What is it with you and birds anyway?!
Adam: They're just so cocky. So what if they can fly? I can do stuff, too.
Murray: Like driving? I bet you that would really make the birdies jealous.
Adam: Yeah, right. Like birds know what a car is.
Murray: Get in the car!

Quote from Murray

Murray: My son's a moron! Can't you see? Go around! He's a moron! Go around!


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