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38Quotes from ‘La Biblioteca Es Libros’

The Goldbergs: La Biblioteca Es Libros

219. La Biblioteca Es Libros

Aired April 15, 2015

Beverly refuses to accept her child isn't perfect when Adam gets an F in Spanish class. After  Beverly goes down to the school to confront the teacher, she ends up hiring Senor Taraborelli as a tutor for Adam, rather than moving him to remedial classes. When the kids must give an oral presentation in Spanish class, Beverly's blind confidence in Adam can only get him so far. Meanwhile, Murray is impressed when Barry gets a job delivering pizzas. Murray's treatment of "working man" Barry irritates Erica, who has been working hard for years without any respect from Murray.

Quote from Erica

Barry: Hey, it's me, Barry.
Erica: I told you to never come where I am.

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Quote from Barry

Barry: My biggest weakness? I'm honest and I'm lazy. What's your biggest weakness?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: F as in fail? No, that's literally humanly impossible. My children don't fail.

Quote from Erica

Erica: This is a total double standard.
Barry: No, it's not. Dad's just giving me special treatment because I'm a boy and you're not, so you lose.
Erica: That's the definition of a double standard, you idiot.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Who do I think would win a fight between a tiger and a bear? That's a good question. One you didn't ask, but I'll discuss.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Minimum wage? No, no, what's maximum wage?

Quote from Barry

Murray: Ah, look at you. How's the first day on the job?
Barry: Not bad at all. Made a ton of dough. Pizza dough. It's a joke we say around the shop because dough is another word for money, but we also cook with it.

Quote from Murray

Barry: Dude, it's like you have no respect for me.
Murray: It is like that, yes.

Quote from Murray

Murray: No, no, no, stop. Come back here and be a weight on my spirit.

Quote from Beverly

Pops: Okay, I got to stop you before this gets nuts. Clearly this is the one subject the kid struggles in. You can't blame the teacher. It's the boy.
Beverly: It takes a very special educator to teach such a strange exotic language with all the squiggles over the letters and the crazy upside down question marks, and the rrrs.

Quote from Beverly

Senora Taroborelli: Mrs. Goldberg, I have been teaching Spanish for well over a decade.
Beverly: And have you adequately kept up with changes to the language?
Senora Taroborelli: I'm pretty sure it's set in stone.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Every street in this city can tell you a story about Barry Goldberg. Some are pretty hard to talk about. A lot of bad memories. I struggle with stuff. Point is, I know the streets good.

Quote from Beverly

Pops: You see what's going on, right?
Beverly: You mean the way his face gets more delicious the more you look at it?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Don't you worry, schmoo. Your teacher may have failed you, but not your momma. I will see to it that you ace that oral presentation.
Adam: You're even worse at Spanish than I am. It's hopeless. I should just go down to remedial.
Beverly: A presentation has nothing to do with knowledge. It's all about flash.
Pops: I'm pretty sure it's all about Spansih words.
Beverly: No, it's about showmanship. You're a natural performer and with my help, you will dazzle them with your talent, grace and dignity.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Who gets a job and ends up owing them money?
Barry: Me! I'm sorry. I had finally had your respect and I got fired in two days.
Murray: Eh, don't beat yourself up.
Erica: What now?
Murray: He's going through a rough patch. Did I ever tell you about the time I got fired from the deli for refusing to wear a hair net?

Quote from Barry

Barry: How many years' experience do I have as a CPA? Let me answer that with a follow up question, what is a CPA?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I see the situation slightly differently.
Senora Taroborelli: How's that?
Beverly: I see it entirely as your fault.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Please be nice. She's a lovely, but fragile woman.
Beverly: Well, I'm lovely but pissed.

Quote from Adam

Pops: Congrats, kid. Let's hear a little of the old Espanol.
Adam: Well ... I'm not quite ready to talk and stuff. Me and my tutor/teacher work mostly in English.
Pops: Really?
Adam: Yeah, she's got this amazing technique where even if I don't know I know the answer, she reminds me I do know it by telling it to me.
Beverly: Yay! My baby's learning. Little senor.

Quote from Erica

Barry: Dad's giving me a beer 'cause I'm a working man.
Erica: What? I work and I like beer. I've said too much. I should go.

Quote from Murray

Barry: Hey, I was watching that.
Murray: I know.
Barry: Then why'd you change it?
Murray: Because I don't care. I thought that was clear by now.

Quote from Murray

Barry: I demand your respect. Give it to me right now.
Murray: Respect isn't given. It's earned. You never get off your lazy butt. When I was your age, I went to school and I had two jobs.
Barry: Oh, yeah? I'll go out right now and get an awesome job, and then you'll have to respect me. And I'll learn responsibility, and earn my money, and never depend on you for anything.
Murray: You're threatening me with things I want you to do!

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Maybe it means F as in fabulous or first prize.
Adam: I knew you would say that, so I asked. It's fail. The teacher said maybe I'm better off moving down a level.
Beverly: As in remedial? Oh, no.
Adam: Are you mad?
Beverly: Yes, I'm mad, at your teacher.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Have you ever even traveled to any of these Spanish places?
Senora Taroborelli: No, not on a teacher's salary.

Quote from Murray

Murray: This frosty cold one is a rite of passage. A symbol of my respect. Son, you are no longer a moron. You are a man.

Quote from Barry

Barry: This is too much. I'm freaking out.
Murray: Don't freak out.
Barry: I'm freaking out.
Murray: Don't freak out.
*Barry knocks beer bottle off the table*
Murray: What the hell was that?
Barry: I panicked. I don't know what to do.
Murray: You drink it. You don't slap it across the room.
Barry: I know that now!

Quote from Beverly

Pops: I mean his teacher clearly gave him the answers 'cause you paid her.
Beverly: Oh, poop. She did not. That would be cheating.
Pops: Yes, it is cheating.
Beverly: No, it is tutoring, during the test. It's a totally different thing.

Quote from Pops

Pops: For once, stop with the mom logic.
Beverly: That's not a thing.
Pops: Oh, it is. That's how you sleep at night even though you know he's learned nothing.
Beverly: But he thinks he's learning, and thinking is learning.
Pops: Again, mom logic.

Quote from Beverly

Pops: If cheating's the only way Adam can do well, just do him a favor and drop him down to remedial.
Beverly: [beep] that! Adam can learn six languages because he is perfect and anything but remedial.
Pops: Mom logic.

Quote from Barry

Barry: This is a job. You pay me. I don't pay you.
Manager: Yeah, that's how it usually works, but here we are.

Quote from Adam

Dana: Everyone knows what's going on with you and Senora Taroborelli.
Adam: You mean my tutoring?
Dana: Seems like a little more than that.
Adam: Dana, babe, it's me. I would never step out on you like that.
Dave: No one thinks you're dating the Spanish teacher, dude.

Quote from Barry

Barry: And the remote? Last time I touched this thing you threw a Photocube at my head.

Quote from Barry

Erica: And why do you keep watching that? It's so weird!
Barry: I wish I could move my hips like that.

Quote from Adam

Adult Adam: [v.o.] That's right. Beverly Goldberg's mom logic convinced me that I could pass a Spanish test without the use of actual Spanish.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! ... Oh crap, pizza.
Manager: That'll be three hundred and fourteen dollars.
Murray: What?
Barry: Erica, how many toppings did you order?

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: I'm sorry. It's just that I always see you as my perfect little angel and, when the world doesn't agree with me, I go a little nuts.
Adam: A little?
Beverly: Okay, a lot.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Look, I realize no one's perfect. God knows I'm not. But when it comes to you, I can never see you any other way.
Adam: Well, I guess that's not the worst thing in the world.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: Looks like remedial class is more my speed.
Beverly: You are so going to Harvard.
Adam: I'm not, but sure.


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