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39Quotes from ‘A Chorus Lie’

The Goldbergs: A Chorus Lie

302. A Chorus Lie

Aired September 30, 2015

As Adam enters puberty, Beverly does everything in her power to help him through this awkward phase, including his crackling singing voice. So when Adam gets a lead role in the school musical, Beverly convinces Ms. Cinoman to have Adam lip sync - just like the musical group Milli Vanilli - while performing in "A Chorus Line." Meanwhile, Murray inspires Erica to go to the Homecoming Dance with JTP member Geoff Schwartz.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: What if I had a way to solve your problems? A way to make this your biggest hit yet?
Miss Cinoman: Mrs. Goldberg, we have been through this in the past. You can't be in the musical.
Beverly: No, no, I have come to accept that.

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Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Problem solved, love bug! We're gonna Milli Vanilli the [beep] out of that musical.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: Susan, I really appreciate you agreeing to see me on such short notice.
Miss Cinoman: Technically, I didn't agree. You just barged in during third period and yelled "Class dismissed!"

Quote from Coach Mellor

Coach Mellor: Goldfarb! Wheel it in. Time for a private huddle. I'm going to put this delicately, kid. You smell like a gym sock's butt.
Adam: Uh, thanks.
Coach Mellor: You smell like a garlic diaper.
Adam: Thanks?
Coach Mellor: You smell like egg salad left in a humidifier.
Adam: Thanks.
Coach Mellor: I assume you don't notice because you live with that stink 24/7.
Adam: Oh no. I smell it.
Coach Mellor: There's half a Speed Stick in my desk. It's yours now. Be liberal with it. Coach is on your team, here. It's why I pulled you aside to avoid embarrassment.
Adam: I guess I would have preferred you pulled me aside just a little farther.

Quote from Murray

Erica: How is it my fault that every guy in our school is an unbearable moron?
Lainey: That's another thing. You gotta stop calling everyone a moron.
Murray: Morons! You're being too loud! Find another house to stupid up.
Barry: Oh my God, you're just like Dad! Way to go, Mur-man. Years of calling everyone on the planet a moron has poisoned your daughter's love life, and left her cold and alone.
Murray: So you're telling me that I've raised a daughter who doesn't want to date dumbass high school boys?
I think I've done my job.

Quote from Beverly

Beverly: If anyone understands what you're going through, it's momma.
Adam: No offense, Mom, but you have no idea how hard this is for me.
Beverly: Please. I've watched two children go through the "Pubening", ha. Heck, I even went through it myself at the tender age of nine.
Pops: It wasn't ideal.
Beverly: They used to call me Booberly.

Quote from Barry

Barry: It's my duty to help you out, baby bro. Only Big Tasty can guide you through what many call the "Pubening."
Adam: No one calls it that.
Barry: First, stop washing your face. You'll go through a very shiny, greasy couple of months, but eventually your natural oils reach a healthy balance.
Pops: Why does he do this?
Beverly: I don't know.
Barry: Second, always shave dry and against the grain. Attacking the follicles in a jerky, zig-zag pattern. And third, never use deodorant. That's just something the big corporations made up to take your money. Simply apply a healthy layer of Vaseline to the arm pit and let it seal in the stink.
Pops: He's still going.
Beverly: He means well.
Barry: Think of me as a resource. I'm here for you bro.
Beverly: Thank you, boopie. So helpful! Forget everything you just heard.

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Well, if you want to go to homecoming with me, I'll totally drop my foxy lady.
Barry: Your foxy lady is your cousin.
Geoff: Second cousin. Totally different blood line. I mean, I'm probably not going to do stuff. She looks just like me with a perm.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Geoff, this was sweet, but I have a pretty firm "No Moron" policy.
Geoff: Question. Am I that category?
Erica: For sure.

Quote from Lainey

Erica: Chill. I didn't say I was going to the dance. I just said I would consider it if an idiot asked me.
Lainey: Got it. We'll play it cool and casually spread the word.
Barry: Attention, entire school! This is Erica Goldberg and she will go to Homecoming with anyone willing to ask.
Erica: Barry, sit your ass down right now!
Lainey: Uh, to clarify, she's not a desperate loser. She's just super closed off and the door's open a crack.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Which reminds me. Dan! We're hanging out after school.
Dan: I've got a dentist appointment, bro.
Barry: Cancel it! We're building something here.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: This recording is going to blow the fricking roof off this place.
Beverly: And so are you, with your own voices. Yes, they are creaking and cracking. And yes, your foreheads are very shiny. All right, and you take insanely long showers. But it doesn't matter, because you're all just as amazing as you always were.

Quote from Adam

Adam: I don't feel amazing.
Dave Kim: You? What's your problem?
Adam: Oh, you heard my voice.
Dave Kim: Who cares dude? I've got bacne. Crazy bacne.
Dave Sirota: So? I sweat constantly for no reason. I'm sweating right now and it's like 50 degrees in here.
Garry Ball: I've got a weird thing for Sally Jessy Raphael.
Beverly: See, none of you are alone. You're all going through something that everybody has to suffer through.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Hey, peanut. I heard about the kid with the hair. So, you're not going to the dance, huh?
Erica: Honestly, I hate dances. And the nice thing about being here alone is that there's no one here bothering me, acting like a moron. Oh my God, Barry's right. God, I'm just like you. Sorry.
Murray: I get it. But there's hope.
Erica: Why?
Murray: Well, things work out. I met your mom. She sees the best in everybody, even a grump like me. All I'm saying is, just give people a chance. Don't be a moron.

Quote from Lainey

Lainey: Come on, let us help you find someone. Go on, describe your perfect guy.
Erica: Well, he'd be a mysterious, handsome outsider with a trench coat, a sexy voice, and a thriving acting career where he plays the thinking girl's heart-throb.
Lainey: Dude, you're just describing Christian Slater. Seriously? You're a lost cause.

Quote from Barry

Adam: You sure about this? People are going to know I'm covering up a zit.
Barry: Don't worry, pal. I'll just tell everyone in school I pummelled your face.
Adam: You're a good brother.
Barry: The best.

Quote from Adam

Adam: I know in past years I was upset when you put me in the chorus, but I'm thinking this year it feels right.
Miss Cinoman: Done! You're in the chorus.
Adam: Oh, thank God.
Miss Cinoman: Chorus Line, which is a lead.
Adam: But I'm in the chorus.
Miss Cinoman: Line.
Adam: Oh, thank God.
Miss Cinoman: Which means you have a big solo.
Adam: But I'm in the chorus.
Miss Cinoman: Line!
Adam: But did you not hear the sounds I just made?
Miss Cinoman: Adam, every boy your age sounds like you. And honestly, I don't have that much to work with here. So I might as well just give the leads to the most enthusiastic kids.
Adam: Balls.
Miss Cinoman: Yep, balls.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: Point is. I understand you're putting together a cast for this year's musical, and it's presented some challenges.
Miss Cinoman: It's a real suck show. I mean, you're gonna be great.
Adam: I won't be, but that's sweet to say.

Quote from Lainey

Lainey: Erica, you know I love you, but you're kind of closed off and way too picky. I mean, stay away from Geoff, obviously, but you got to give someone a chance.

Quote from Adam

Beverly: There's my tiny snuggle angel.
Adam: Stop it. I'm not tiny. I'm not snuggly, or angel-y.

Quote from Adam

Pops: Tough day at the office, kiddo?
Adam: The worst. I got the lead in the musical.
Beverly: Schmoo, that's fantastic. That's all you've ever wanted.
Adam: Not any more. My face is breaking out, my pits are stinking, and my voice is very, very unpredictable. I finally get the part of a lifetime and I'm just gonna humiliate myself.
Pops: Ah, yes. The wondrous journey through puberty.
Adam: It's not wondrous. It's awful.

Quote from Adam

Pops: But this is just something all of us had to suffer through on our own. Now you will too.
Beverly: Or completely skip over. With my guidance, I'll take this horrible time and make it smooth, easy and maybe a little bit fun.
Adam: Are you actually saying you could save me from puberty?
Pops: No! She can't.
Beverly: Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.
Adam: At this point, I've got nothing left to lose. Show me what you got, lady.

Quote from Geoff

Geoff: Greetings and salutations. A lovely home you've got here.
Murray: What's going on? Why are you talking like a jack-ass?
Geoff: Erica said she wanted a Christian Slater, so here I am. I know it's a long-shot, but I just think your daughter's amazing. And if you approve, I'd love to take her to Homecoming.
Murray: Erica! You've got a gentleman suitor.
Geoff: You're one of the good ones, Mr. G.

Quote from Barry

Murray: Wow. Who knew so many interesting and attractive young men went to this school.
Barry: They're okay, I guess.
Murray: Yeah. Lots of fellas who look like they'd be worth getting to know.
Barry: I should put myself out there more.
Murray: Oh, look at that one with the stylish scarf and the sketchbook. A poet and an artist, I bet.
Barry: That's Dan. He's shy but I bet I could crack open that nut.
Murray: Hey, how about that hot shot? Is he a swimmer? He's built like a swimmer.
Barry: Look at those shoulders. He swims for sure.
Murray: Will you shut up? I'm not even talking to you!
Erica: Well, I certainly hope you're not talking to me.

Quote from Barry

Murray: Hey, take it from someone who doesn't like people. If you close yourself off, you're gonna miss out on a lot.
Erica: So my dad wants me to date more?
Murray: It's Homecoming. There's got to be a nice guy somewhere who deserves a chance.
Barry: You're right! I'm going to go ask Dan to sit with me at lunch. See what makes that guy tick. Thanks, Dad.

Quote from Lainey

Lainey: Yes! This is amazing. Your dad actually provided you with real wisdom for once.

Quote from Beverly

Adam: What kind of sorcery is this? My giant zits are gone.
Beverly: Momma made you a promise. Now your adorable punim is ready to light up that stage.

Quote from Murray

Murray: Who the hell is that?
Erica: My date to the dance on Saturday. He wanted to hang.
Murray: That kid's your date? He's a moron.
Erica: Well, you're the guy who told me to give the morons a chance.
Murray: But I meant other morons.
Erica: What other morons?
Murray: Nice morons. Morons like that Geoff kid.
Erica: Schwartz? He's a moron!
Murray: They're all morons. That's what I'm saying. But any other moron is better than that moron.

Quote from Erica

Erica: Are you taking both of us to the dance?
Jonny Atkins: Classic Jonny Atkins, am I right? How could you not see this coming?
Erica: Because I have no idea who you are, other than an oddly confident band geek.
Jonny Atkins: Shows what you know. Band geek in the front, rock god in the back.

Quote from Beverly

Pops: Bevvy, you can't let him go through with this cockamamie scheme.
Beverly: Well, actually, it was my idea.

Quote from Adam

Adam: I forgot my foundation, rouge and powder puff. Good day to you, sir.

Quote from Adam

Murray: You seen my TV Guide with Sally Jessy Raphael on the cover?
Adam: Uh-uh, no.
Murray: Huh.
Adam: (Looking at the cover of said TV Guide) Man, oh, man. Those looks and emotional intelligence to boot.

Quote from Barry

Barry: Thank God for Milli, Vanilli not so much.


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