Geoff: Hey, um... historically speaking, do the winners look more like me or more like those tall beefcakes?
Jean Jacobs: Check out our wall of winners.
Geoff: Oh, man. They're all so smooth and beautiful. This was such a mistake. Wait... Albert Solomon?
Barry: Hey, that guy looks familiar.
Geoff: Barry, that's your grandfather, and he won Mr. Ships Ahoy with normal, human muscles.
Barry: All those boring stories about being trapped behind enemy lines, but nothing about this.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] The Mr. Ships Ahoy pageant was still under way, and it was time for the contestant interviews.
Barry: See, most people eat the ice cream first, but I bite the bottom of the cone and suck everything out.
Jean Jacobs: The question was, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Barry: And I believe you have my answer.

Barry: Great news! I figured out why my talent of knife-throwing went sideways.
Geoff: 'Cause it's a tremendously difficult skill that requires a lifetime of patience, practice, and a throwing area far away from people and pets?
Barry: I just had the wrong tools. Whatever you do, don't move.
Geoff: Barry, listen to me very closely, do not throw that.
Barry: How about a hatchet?
Geoff: No!
Barry: Gardening fork?
Geoff: Barry!
Barry: Fishing lure?
Geoff: Please!
Barry: Dart?
Geoff: Barry!
Barry: Knitting needles?
Geoff: No!
Barry: Pineapple?
Geoff: No, no.
Barry: Sharpened pencil?
Geoff: Aah!
Barry: This icicle I found?
Geoff: No!
Barry: A shark tooth necklace?
Geoff: Barry!
Barry: Then what?
Geoff: Maybe this gentle Nerf ball? [Barry knocks over a picture with the Nerf ball] Ooh!
Barry: Let's go ninja stars.

Barry: You're taking that random girl over me?
Geoff: Barry...
Barry: Don't "Barry" me. You're always choosing Erica, and I'm sick of it!
Geoff: Boyfriends and girlfriends do special things together.
Barry: And best friends don't?
Geoff: She breathes on my neck and makes me dizzy.
Barry: My breath smells bad, too.
Geoff: Her hugs are full-body.
Barry: Big Tasty's hugs are also full-body. Here's proof.
Geoff: Oh, please don't.
Barry: Let our bodies become one. [hugs Geoff]
Geoff: Oh, I prefer them as two.
Barry: That's right. Wear your friend Barry like a big, warm coat.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While Pops was helping me with Brea, Barry was looking for help with Geoff from the JTP.
Barry: [enters] JTP!
Matt: JTP!
Barry: Wait. It's just you, Matt Bradley?
Matt: It was just me when you came in.
Barry: Where's Naked Rob?
Matt: He's getting his knee surgery. He'll finally be able to walk without pain.
Barry: What about Andy? Let me guess. Height surgery.
Matt: Close. He's on a semester abroad in Sweden.
Barry: Those giant blond people will try to put him in their pockets.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, my dad and Barry shared a love of Philly sports teams. Especially the Eagles. Though you wouldn't always know it by the way they talked.
Murray: [on the phone] The Eagles are a giant steaming pile of crap.
Barry: They need to fire the coach, G.M., and the guy who carts off the players after they get injured. Could he drive any slower?
Murray: It's a shame a pig had to die for this.
Barry: I hate my team so much! What time should I come over to watch the game on Sunday?
Murray: The preshow starts at 10:00. Don't be late.
Barry: Okay.

Murray: Get in your stance. Not like that. Be like, uh, a dog digging up sand at the beach.
Barry: But dogs aren't allowed on beaches.
Vic: It's true, and if you're caught, it's a hefty fine.
Bill Lewis: Beaches can be stressful environments for dogs. The heat, the lack of shade, and noise can trigger all sorts of unfortunate behavior.
Barry: I love our furry friends, but let's keep beaches fun and safe for people first.
Murray: Enough with the beach report. Just pretend you're a human digging like a dog at the beach.
Barry: Now, that I can do.

Murray: Hey! You drove away before we could talk.
Barry: I brought shame on the family like a disgraced samurai. And if I hadn't broken my sword last year attacking that anthill, I would've done the honorable thing.

Barry: So, what do you want to talk about?
Murray: I don't know. I... Anything, everything. What are you interested in?
Barry: [sighs] Nunchucks, the vocal stylings of Big Daddy Kane. [chuckles] I melted a Nerf Ball with a blowtorch.
Murray: We'll find something.

Barry: I used to be a Cub Scout until I was dishonorably discharged, so that tracks.