Barry: The good news is you don't have to worry about wolves. I spread my scent all over this place.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, there was no more beloved couple than Erica and Geoff. Unfortunately, after a disastrous camping trip, they were utterly broken up, and Erica wasn't ready for the world to know.
Erica: Hey, um, Barry, nobody else knows about the breakup besides you. You will not tell the dopes inside this house.
Barry: But I keep nothing from them. Intimate financial details, anatomical distresses, historical shames... it's all for public consumption.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As I watched my shot at stardom fall apart, Barry was doing whatever he could to get Erica and Geoff back together.
Geoff: Oh, man, I can't believe you got me a one-on-one meet-and-greet with Gene Simmons of KISS!
Barry: Hey, when my best friend needs cheering up, it's Big Tasty to the rescue. And you know what? Gene's excited, too. That's why he wants you blindfolded for the big reveal.
Geoff: It's all so unlikely, but Gene is a showman.
Barry: I'm gonna put this trench coat on you.
Geoff: Ooh, fun! Is this part of Gene's plan, too?
Barry: Yep. He also wants you to hold this boom box over your head.
Geoff: He is a glam-rock superstar, so who am I to say no to his every whim?
Barry: Yeah, Bon Jovi's gonna love you.
Geoff: Wait, I thought you said it was Gene Simmons. Jon Bon Jovi's gonna be here, too?!
Barry: Yeah, all your musical fellas. Just let me press play, and I'll get outta your way. Damn it! It's dead. We need 16 "D" batteries, stat.

Erica: What is going on? Geoff? What are you doing here?
Geoff: Damn it, Barry! What did you do?
Barry: Only re-created the most romantic moment in movie history. You're about to "Say Anything" Erica.
Geoff: Why would I do that?
Barry: Movie's the best! John Cusack is a kickboxer who falls in love with a girl who only reads the dictionary. You should see it.
Geoff: I've seen the movie. We've all seen it. I've actually done this exact thing before.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] He really did. And he wasn't the only one. Yeah, at our house, "Say Anything" was pretty much the go-to big, romantic gesture.
Barry: Quite the cultural touchstone. So, is it working? Are you guys back together, and I don't have to live in the Kremps' home?!
Erica: No. Who put that thought in your head?

Beverly: Damn it, Barry, you can't "Say Anything" them. That's been done, like, a lot.
Barry: I know that now, Mother! Just go back inside! I have this under control. I'm gonna get them to Dirty Dance.
Geoff: We've done that, too.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] They sure had.
Erica: I can't believe you, Mom. We're broken up. Why can't you just accept that?
Beverly: Because you love Geoff, and Geoff loves you, and I love you both. I can't just let you throw it all away.
Geoff: I agree. This sucks. And, honestly, I don't even know why it's happening. But I do know I don't want to be here right now.
Erica: You know, this was incredibly selfish, even for you. [window closes]
Barry: [chuckles] One of the batteries was in backwards. That makes all the difference.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] But no one enjoyed the game of romance more than my brother Barry.
Barry: If I was one of these bachelors, I'd smoke these clowns.
Matt: For a date with a 50-year-old drama teacher?
Barry: 50 is the new 48, Matt Bradley. Open your mind to all of God's creatures.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As Erica fumbled her way into a date, Barry was prepping Geoff for game-show success.
Barry: Winning The Dating Game is all about one thing. [Joanne giggles] ANUS.
Geoff: I thought there was nothing that could make me want to do this less, but there it is.
Barry: A is for "Alpha Status." You need to dominate the other contestants around you by saying things like, "Wow, Bachelor Number Two, have your eyes always been so far apart, or is your mother an elephant seal?"
Geoff: I thought it was light flirting and being affable, but I'll be awful, I guess.
Barry: Moving on to U and S, a.k.a. "Us."
Geoff: Wait. Us? What about the N?
Barry: N in this case stands for "nothing." I just really wanted to spell "Anus."

Barry: Can I give you some advice? I was wrong. You can't be friends with your ex.
Erica: Stop. I'm just here to explain last night.
Barry: Erica, take it from the guy who lost the love of his life. You're only gonna make it worse.
Erica: This is nothing like you and Lainey.
Barry: No, it's harder. She went away, and I didn't have to see her every day.
Erica: What are you saying?
Barry: I'm saying you guys need to be out of each other's lives for a while. It's the only way you're gonna get through this.
Erica: It's impossible. To see him, to not see him. I just didn't think it was gonna be this hard.
Barry: I know. And I also know I'm just your younger, goofy brother, but I'm always here for you.
Erica: Thanks, Barry.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Life can get messy sometimes, whether it's the end of a relationship... or even the start of something new and wonderful. Either way, you can always look back... but you can only live forward.

Adam: Bar, I'm in trouble. Wait. What are you doing?
Barry: We're out of TP, so I'm improvising. Cheggit.
Adam: Hey, you did something good with a saw.
Barry: Now, tell your wise brother your woes.
Adam: Well, my friends used me to pull a prank.
Barry: A tale as old as time, but your situation is even worse than you think.
Adam: Worse?
Barry: If you're not actively involved in a senior prank, no one will remember you. Like Seth Snider?
Adam: The son of the pretzel baron?
Barry: Not even a little. He graduated my year without a prank to his name. I only remember him 'cause he had that weird thing on his nose.
Adam: That thing was weird. What was that?
Barry: No one will ever know. Well, probably him and the dermatologist and the insurance company and his friends and family and anyone who isn't afraid to ask. Long list. Anyway. Let's get prankin'.

Adam: But pranks get you in trouble!
Barry: Look, you may not have the courage, the mental agility, the hunger...
Adam: Sure, but...
Barry: ...the physical prowess, the danger in your eyes, the cunning wit.
Adam: I get it.
Barry: The muscles in your arms, legs, or back.
Adam: Get to it!
Barry: But you do have something no one, including me, ever had.
Adam: Juvenile arthritis?