Barry: Wrong! If anyone's gonna be famous, it's gonna be me.
Adam: Please, what makes you think you can be famous?
Barry: 'Cause I can play any part. Badass action star, romantic lead, comic relief, plus I do accents. [in a Russian accent] I'm from Russia. Blue jeans.

Barry: Alright, me and the JTP are off to the slopes. Check the news for an avalanche, 'cause Big Tasty's going to hit that mountain hard.

Barry: I have a well-established rep at school as basically the coolest human of all time. And you'll embarrass me and yourself if you do the musical.
Adam: Sure, I'm no Ben Vereen, but I'm really growing as a performer.
Barry: I don't care if you act better than Jean-Claude Van Damme. You're in high school now. The last thing you want is to be branded a lame-ass theater geek.

Adam: Hey, that's my serving of fruit for the day.
Barry: Oh, then maybe you should have some punch.
Adam: Ow!

Beverly: Well, that's a kick in the downstairs stuff.
Barry: This is the classic friend diss, like the time I only had three tickets to the Eagles game and told Matthew we all got stuck in an elevator.
Matt: What?
Barry: Do you mind, I'm helping my mom here. They're meeting without you, just like we all met for ribs after the Eagles game.
Andy: Stop telling him about our special day, dude!
Matt: I'm trying to be cool about this, but it's getting hard.
Barry: It's not always about you, Matt Bradley! And don't be a Matt Bradley. Be the Barry and take charge.

Barry: Hi. You've reached the Goldbergs. Leave a message. [beep]
Erica: Hey. I got a flat tire, and I need-
Barry: Ha! It's not the answering machine, you dumb idiot! It's actually me Barry.
Erica: [Sighs] It's me. I need Dad-
Barry: Gotcha again! It is the answering machine. Leave a message. [beep]
Erica: Damn it! I've got a flat tire, and I need Dad-
Barry: No, it's actually me, Barry, for real. So, what's the deal?
Erica: Barry, I will kill you! Put Dad on the-
Barry: But, seriously, leave a message at the beep. [beep]
Erica: Dad, I got a flat-
Barry: Oh, my god, you are a dumb sack of crap.

Leon: And last but not least, we have our edible underpants in all flavors and sizes. Questions?
Barry: I got one. This place is awesome.
Erica: That's not a question, kiss-ass.
Leon: That's all right. I share young Barry's verve for the gag game.
Barry: Well, sir, I'm gonna learn everything about this place, starting with the exploding golf balls.