Cole: Damn, girl! You can't just jump in front of golf carts. That's how gardeners die.

Cole: You're my number one shorty, yo.
Lucy: Yeah, that actually leads perfectly into what I wanted to talk to you about.
Cole: All ears, boo.
Lucy: See, now that we're officially a couple, we're gonna have to start, well, changing you. Okay, boo?
Cole: [chuckles] Wait, what now?
[later, Lucy lectures Cole in front of a whiteboard:]
Cole: Man, this is so hard! How am I supposed to remember all this?
Lucy: While you're my boyfriend, please refrain from using the following words and phrases: Crushing it, ghost riding the whip, hunting the big dawg, redonkulous, wrangle dangle, shtoops, the "donk" show, gittin' right, homeskillet, broseph, brosephine and sexting.
Cole: On the serious?
Lucy: There's another one. Also, substituting your name for words that sort of sound like your name. Stone Cole, Cole War, Piña Cole-lada. You know what I'm saying.
Cole: Girl, I can't give this all up cole turkey.
Lucy: Why don't we just call it a day? And we'll, uh, start fresh in the morning.
Cole: Sizzle.

Lucy: [on the phone] Mom, I love that you're proud of me, but I'm not a doctor yet. You can't keep giving my number out to women in your church group and saying I'll help them. I can't.
Cole: Oh, hey. Tell your mom the cookies she made are ridic!
Lucy: Yes, that's him. It means "ridiculous." No. There's no reason to shorten that word. Look, I-I gotta go. Bye. [hangs up]
Cole: Your mom doesn't like me very much, does she?
Lucy: No, she's crazy about you.
Cole: Aw, see you're lying! You're chewing on your hair. Babe, I can read you like the back of a DVD case. A'ight, you chew on your hair when you lie, you adjust your bra when you're gonna yell at me, and you get a far-off look in your eyes when you narrate In your head.
Lucy: [v.o.] Even though Cole and I were clicking-
Cole: There it is!
Lucy: Stop noticing things I do!

Drew: You can be a big fish at home, and then you get to med school and everybody's brilliant.
Cole: Man, you brainiacs think you have it tough? My 'rents made me go to med school because everyone on my dad's side is a doctor. Okay, on my mom's side, everyone is a bounty hunter. I don't know why I couldn't go to school for that.

Drew: We have to stop turning on each other. Especially since it's so obvious that Cole's the one who cheated.
Lucy: I'm sure Cole has some great explanation. Cole, what were you doing in the bathroom?
Cole: Doing my test prep. Okay, part one: dropping a D. Part two: using the mnemonic skills I picked up at A.D.
D. Camp. Okay, I remember the circulatory system by singing nickelback.
[flashback to Cole singing into a mirror while holding an empty toilet roll:]
Cole: This is how I remind me of blood cells and their jobs Lymphocytes and "t" cells Crushing cancer on every level
[present:]
Drew: Wow. That makes a kind of horrible sense.

Cole: Dude, you never told us why you were in the bathroom.
Drew: I was in the bathroom taking a leak.
Trang: Didn't you stop using public toilets after you lived in a gas station bathroom for a month?
Cole: That's right. It was your fun fact at orientation. Maya's fact was she's colorblind, and Trang absorbed his twin sister in the womb. That's why he's so smart. My boy's got two brains.
Drew: That's not how it works, genius.

Lucy: All right, Drew, you're our leader. Let's get this goin'.
Drew: Uh, get what going? I rarely listen to you people.
Cole: No, seriously, Big D., I fail out of here, I gotta go to med school in the Caribbean. Dude, I don't speak "Caribbesian." So tell us what to do!

Lucy: So I thought we could start with a little bonding game "Two truths and a lie." I'll start. I am from a small fishing town in Maryland, horses are my favorite animal, and I once made love with tennis great Pete Sampras.
Cole: "Pistol" Pete? Damn, that's hot.
Lucy: No. See, Cole, that was the lie.
Maya: My mom hooked up with Michael Chang.
Lucy: All right, look, let's just forget about the game.
Cole: Okay, my mom used to date Craig T. Nelson. Coach was almost my dad.

Cole: Oh, what up, Dr. T.?
Turk: Okay, today, as part of your practical doctoring class, you will be conducting physical exams on one another for the first time. Cole, put your pants back on.
Cole: Oh, my bad. I thought this was going somewhere totally different.
Turk: People, I said it day one. I can't teach you without your pants on.

Turk: So, Cole, uh, unfortunately, the biopsy shows that your mole is malignant. You have melanoma.
Lucy: Skin cancer? Oh, my god, Cole.
Cole: [auto-tuned recording] Oh, snap I got a funky cancer mole
Turk: How'd you know it was gonna be malignant?
Cole: Oh, I didn't. I was prepared for both ways. [auto-tuned song] Check my rhymes 'cause my mole is benign