Ben: Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I think I know what's going on in your head.
April: Oh, well then, welcome to the terror dome.
Ben: Okay, you need to tell Leslie that you want to leave your job.
April: No. She freaks out when anything changes. One time Andy told her that I was getting rid of my bangs and she called 911.
Ben: Okay, well, I can't keep your secret much longer. Anytime your name comes up, I panic and change the subject to the Twin Peaks reboot 'til she gets bored.
April: So you talk for one second?

Ron Swanson: Please don't hold anything Andy did against April. She is an exceptional human being, who married a well-meaning goofball.
Ben: And I think that presentation we put together says it all.
Ron Swanson: All we're asking is that you meet with her and seriously consider her for the job.
Ben: And if she disappoints you, you can hold me... accountable. [Barney laughs] Right?
Barney: You know what? If her friends are trying this hard, there must be something amazing about her. Tell her I'll meet with her tomorrow--
Ben: Uh, hold on. [answers phone] April? Hey, we were just talking about you. We got some good news. Oh, boy. Okay. [hangs up] She doesn't want the job.
Barney: I see.
Ron Swanson: Well, this is uncomfortable.

Ben: Why are you wearing a poncho?
Jennifer Barkley: Oh, because every surface area in your house is sticky. Last time I was here, I found a melted crayon on my blazer.

Ben: Good afternoon. I'm here today to share with you all my vision for the economic future of Southern Indiana, but first, Leslie Knope, my wife... has a brief statement.
Leslie Knope: Hello, everyone. Thank you. Wow. How about this weather we're having? Very temperate. Okay. Recently, I made an attempt to--
Ben: Actually, hang on. Stop. I'm sorry. This whole thing just makes me queasy I love how independent my wife is, and because of that, I will not let her speak. That came out wrong. The point is Leslie is a great mother, public servant, all-around person, and I am tired of everybody constantly telling her that she's making the wrong choice. So you can say whatever you want. I couldn't care less about the political consequences.

Ben: Walter Gunderson served Pawnee for 39 years. And as per his final wish, his body will lie in state in the city council chambers for a day, which is just a real cool thing for a public space. Also, he sent us a brief video message to be played for this event.
Walter Gunderson: [on video] Hello, Pawnee. My time in office has come to an end. A lot has been done. But I wasn't really doing very much. I wasn't paying attention most of the time. Fortunately, the citizens of Pawnee didn't pay attention either. So if there's credit to take, I will humbly take it. And if there is blame... it's your fault. Thank you. Good-bye forever.
Ben: Uh, okay. Well, that was really something.

[Washington, D.C. 2022:]
Ben: And I am the Lamplighter, a character from my new board game sequel, "Cones of Dunshire: Winds of Tremorrah. "Gameplay Magazine called it "punishingly intricate."

[Pawnee, 2025:]
Leslie Knope: Okay, everybody, gather around. First of all, I just have to say that all of you in the same room at the same time with your children here, it's like it's the greatest thing that's ever happened in the history of America. And secondly, Ben and I have an announcement.
Ben: Leslie's running for governor of Indiana.
All: What?
Ron Swanson: Bully for you, Knope.
April: That's amazing.
Ben: Yeah, she got approached by the DNC, and they think she has a great shot to win. Indiana native, supremely qualified, and she wrote that she wanted to be governor in her kindergarten dream journal. Just makes sense.
Leslie Knope: So I'm running for governor.
All: Yeah!

Leslie Knope: Hello, Congressman.
Ben: Hey, babe. How are you?
Leslie Knope: How are you is the question? I know that shirt and it worries me.
Ben: The most incredible thing happened. Okay, so today I'm cleaning the house. I get dizzy from the cleaning supplies. And then, I home-schooled the kids but they don't learn anything because of the dizziness. But then, I had the most amazing idea. Do you remember this guy? [holds up claymation figure]
Leslie Knope: Oh, no.
Ben: Ahh. But here's the twist. Do you also remember this? [holds up Cones of Dunshire board game]
Leslie Knope: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Ben: Six words, babe. "Cones of Dunshire..." the claymation movie. The entire story just popped into my head. This humble little nobody living his life, walking around on a random Tuesday. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. When suddenly, he finds out from an ancient scroll, that he is actually... The Ledgerman.
Leslie Knope: Honey, did you put all the caps back on the cleaning supplies?
Ben: Now, the title is either "Cones of Dunshire: The Ledgerman's Ascent", or, of course, "Cones of Dunshire: The Curse of the Arbiter's Prophecy".
Leslie Knope: Okay, honey. I'm gonna be here at work for a while. I have to start the phone tree, and then I will be home. Just hang in there. Keep it together.
Ben: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No... take your time. I'm just gonna start writing a story... [disconnect chime]

Wreston St. James: As you can see, we like to keep things quite immaculate. I remember when Pawnee had that massive sewage overflow in Circle Park, whatever happened with that?
Leslie Knope: We totally fixed it.
Ben: Well, except for the smell. The scientists think it's going to linger for another 40 years.

April: Soundtrack to Pulp Fiction, soundtrack to Singles, soundtrack to Grosse Pointe Blank. Why do you have so many soundtracks?
Ben: Oh, well, uh, I kind of look at it like it's your favorite directors making a mix tape just for you.
April: Eww.