Leslie Knope: Where are we going?
Ben: Oh, it's right up here. Just trust me. I'm on Endor. These are the redwoods George Lucas used to create the forest moon of Endor. Sorry. That's not why we're here.

Leslie Knope: I am shocked an appalled by the actions of the honorable delegate from Peru.
Ben: Leslie, just... look... I thought I could handle being friends with you. But I can't, okay? Now, we agreed the other night that we can't spend time together. I think that was the right call.
Leslie Knope: But that was in a romantic way. We can still spend time together as friends.
Ben: It doesn't work that way. You can't just chop up the aspects of a relationship into discrete parts and select the ones you want like a buffet.
Leslie Knope: Why not?
Ben: Because it's selfish. Stop being obtuse.

Bulgaria: Her life is so awesome. You're lucky you're friends with her.
Ben: Shut up, Bulgaria!

Ben: So, doctor, um, what do we... Like, what do we do? Like, what do we do? Um, how do we... How... How... How... How... What do we do?
Dr. Saperstein: The first thing you do is, you forget everything that I said before because you, young lady, need a lot of rest and especially avoiding stress. Leslie, I need you to be Buddha on quaaludes, and, Ben, you are Matthew McConaughey in a hammock on the beach.
Ben: All right, all right. All right.

Ben: Wow. So Gryzzl's really taken off, huh?
Sam: Uh, yeah, it's been a crazy ride. Our music service, Gryzzldump, launched in November, and now we have 170 million users.
Mike: Six months ago, I was working in a taco truck. Now I own one-third of the Portland Trail Blazers.
Ben: You know, I think Pawnee is a great candidate for your free-wireless initiative. We lead the country in online pizza ordering. In fact, a lot of people go to the library just to order pizza online.
Mike: Right now we're kind of focused on, like, bigger cities, like Shreveport, Akron.
Ben: Sure. Obviously, we're no Akron. I mean, we're more like Dayton. But with your help, we can become Toledo.
Mike: Ben, we don't like to say the word "no"...
Sam: [softly] No.
Mike: At this company. We feel it's counterproductive to our creative mission, so, instead, let me say... "Nah, bro."
Ben: How is that better?

Ron Swanson: Congratulations. I'm sure you will both raise a wonderful child with whom I will profoundly disagree on nearly everything.
Ben: Well, actually, and this is crazy, but it's children, plural. We're having triplets, and...
Donna: Shut the--
Jerry: Oh, my God!
Ben: A little freaked out about it.
April: That's amazing. Babe, I am so glad you didn't tell me.
Andy: I know. I'm incredible.