Phil: We're making a video love letter for Andy's girlfriend.
Andy: Your dad uses his computer to put in cool backgrounds while I act out all the things that I would do to be with her, like swim an ocean or climb a mountain.
Haley: Ooh, how about you buy a plane ticket and visit her like a normal person?
Andy: I would, but the Coast Guard keeps her really busy.
Phil: Eyes. Does she like it?
Andy: She's probably so lonely with only two other women to talk to in her whole 40-person unit.
Haley: So you're saying it's just your girlfriend and 36 super in-shape dudes?
Andy: 37. And it's not what you think. The Coast Guard seriously frowns on fraternizing. It's forbidden.

Andy: A real man would be more considerate of your time.
Haley: You're right. That's why every year People magazine names the "consideratest" man alive.
Andy: Oh, man, you can make fun of me all you want, but when you grow up, you'll see what qualities make up a real man.
Phil: Someone say "makeup"?
Andy: I did.
Phil: All right, here we go. Oh, yeah. Much better. You know what? I think I'm gonna shadow down here.

Andy: Honey, this is my long way of saying I miss you. I don't have to climb a mountain or swim an ocean to be with you, 'cause you're always with me. In my thoughts, my dreams, my heart. You deserve more than I could possibly ever give you, but everything I have is yours. I love you.
Phil: Cut! That was beautiful. I really felt that one. Did you feel that one?
Haley: No, I didn't feel anything.
Phil: I was talking to Andy.
Haley: I know! Put me down, freak! Ugh!
Phil: Wow. That really takes me back to my cheerleading days.

Phil: Who's that?
Haley: My date.
Phil: Your lunch date? It's 5:00.
Haley: He fell asleep. But he texted me right when he woke up.
Phil: Well, then, you'd think he'd be well-rested enough to walk to the front door.
Andy: Yeah, a gentleman honks to support the troops, not summon his girlfriend. Although my girlfriend is a troop, so in my case, it's a little confusing.

Haley: You guys don't understand how dating works in the real world.
Phil: What are you talking about? Look at everything Andy did for Beth today.
Andy: I just live my life to make her happy. I'm gonna give this to the mailman who's gonna give it to the Coast Guard, and by this time tomorrow, someone in the Coast Guard's gonna be giving it to my girlfriend.
Phil: Can you imagine the smile on her face when she takes it all in?
Haley: Okay, I'm gonna go while you two replay that in your minds.
Andy: Oh, my gosh. Would you like to re-enact "Gravity"?
Phil: Yes. Sandra Bullock!
Andy: Ugh. Dang it! That was quick.

Phil: In space, no one can hear you scream.
Andy: What?!
Phil: In space, no one can hear you scream!
Andy: I can't hear you! In space-
Phil: Oh, I just got it. That's good. That's good.
Andy: Thank you.
Phil: That's awesome.

Andy: Whoa! That is honestly the best photo anyone's ever taken of me.
Haley: Thank you.
Andy: You mind if I send a copy to Beth?
Haley: Andy, um... When I read the text about your flight, I saw the text from Beth telling you not to come.
Andy: Yeah, she doesn't mean that.
Haley: She said, "it's over."
Andy: That can mean a lot of different things.

Andy: I'm just glad we didn't take it any further. Because clearly, we are wrong for each other.
Haley: Totally.
Andy: We are way better as friends.
Haley: Way!
Andy: Like, imagine if we kissed or something.
Haley: Ha!
Andy: That would've been a disaster.
Haley: A huge disaster.
Andy: You would've been destroyed.
Haley: Yeah... What?

Andy: Whoa, Joe. What's with the snow on the roof? You're aging like a president.

Andy: Okay. I didn't mean to imply that if we kissed, it wouldn't affect me. Are you kidding? You are so pretty and so out of my league. It would've rocked my world.
Haley: Okay, then.
Andy: It just would've hit you harder. That's all. [in British accent] Mr. Pritchett! Your bath awaits! Are you prepared for a bum-scrubbing today, sir?