Claire: You know your dad wishes he could be here.
Phil: [on virtual presence device] What are you talking about?
Jay: What the-
Phil: I'm right here! [laughs] I had Andy set me up so I could be here with you all.
Andy: I just had to plug him in. It was a nice reversal from when I had to pull the plug on my dad in the hospital.

Haley: Gloria, tell her she can stay.
Gloria: Of course you can stay. We love having you here. Especially Joe. You're his new favorite.
Andy: I used to be his favorite until I told him I get paid to hang with him. I just felt he had a right to know.

Haley: Andy, what is happening with you? Why are you doing this?
Andy: What are you talking about? I thought you loved Wild Andy.
Haley: No, no. I love Normal Andy, tomato-soup-and-grilled-cheese Andy. Still-in-bed-by-11:00 Andy. Uses-the-word-"tummy" Andy.
Andy: Really? Because I've been doing this whole thing because I was afraid you'd get bored and dump me if I couldn't keep up.
Haley: I know you can't keep up. But I'd rather slow down. I like the me I am when I'm with you.
Andy: Well, I wish you would have told me that about a minute ago. Aah! I can't watch! The stress is murder on my tummy.

Haley: Andy? You- You came all the way from Utah?
Andy: Oh, no. I was in town for a self-help seminar "How To Be In The Right Place at the Right Time." Holy cow. It's working.

Andy: Ohh! Crackers! I left my phone upstairs in the nursery. [to Manny] Could you grab it for me? [Manny rushes up the stairs] I know people get all squirrelly when they hear the word "healthy." Actually, Manny? My phone is in my pocket. Sorry, bud. [Manny comes down the stairs] But my goal is to get you healthy without- Nope! It is just a pack of gum. My phone is still upstairs. Without you even realizing what's happening. Wow.
I'm such a dodo. I didn't even bring my phone today.
Manny: I know what you're doing.

Phil: Mother nature!
Andy: Cheez-its!
Phil: Andy. I did not know you were there.
Andy: Sorry. Stupid little cat feet.

Jay: Can I talk to you a second?
Gloria: No, thank you.
Jay: We're gonna need to discuss this.
Andy: I get it. I understand it's a big decision. But if it eases your mind at all, know that I'm not just here for baby Joe. I'm here for you, too.
Jay: Doesn't ease my mind at all.
Andy: My mission is to make all of your lives happier and healthier.
Jay: Is this because I ate that party sub?

Haley: Andy, are you sure about getting on that plane?
Andy: Yeah, yeah. I-I'm fine. You know, she does this every once in a while. She just likes the drama.
Haley: But I-
Andy: Okay. Haley, I appreciate your concern I really do, but I've been in this relationship off and on for eight years, so I kind of know what I'm doing, all right? Thank you for the ride. [holds out keys] It's a tool of the trade. The car one says "Toyota."

Haley: All clear. Well, that was crazy.
Andy: My ticker hasn't gotten a workout that good since I made the finals of that cup-stacking competition.

Andy: Welcome to King's Landing! I am the evil boy king, and I want your heads!
Gloria: Oh, look how much they all love you.
Andy: Ohh, thanks. I'm just trying to match the energy of their video games and whosits and whatnots.