Jack Geller: Enough. I don't want to hear about it anymore. Good luck, Chandler.

Monica: Hi. Hey, look who's here.
Jack Geller: Where's my granddaughter? I've been practicing my magic tricks.
Chandler: He pulled a quarter out of my ear.

Jack Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up these pamphlets on how to get pregnant.
Monica: Hey, Dad.
Chandler: Hi.
Jack Geller: [knocking] Sorry to bother you again, but could you pass my pamphlets back? Thank you.

Monica: Hey, Dad. What are you doing here?
Jack Geller: I just stopped by your boyfriend's to give him a piece of my mind.
Monica: And?
Jack Geller: And I was going to punch him in the nose but he had the game on, so we started watching... Then at half-time I was going to give him the "What for?", but he offered me a beer. And you know what?
Monica: What?
Jack Geller: He’s got it on tap! Right in his apartment. The damn thing is built right into his bar. It's unbelievable!

Ross: She could've made this.
Jack Geller: Sure.
Ross: Right? And this. [holding a trophy] She- She could've won this.
Jack Geller: [holding a glove] This could've been hers.
Ross: Sure. Ooh. Ooh, what about this?
Jack Geller: Your make-up kit? I’d feel better.

Judy Geller: Congratulations.
Jack Geller: Looks who's married, and just in time I hear.
Monica: What? Ross!

Judy Geller: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica?
Monica: Over here, Dad.
Jack Geller: Wait. How do you zoom out? There she is.

Judy Geller: I have a wonderful idea. You should take Rachel to the prom.
Ross: Doubtful.
Judy Geller: Jack, give me that. Talk to your son. All right, go on. This thing's heavy.
Jack Geller: Your mother's right. Take her. You can wear my tux.
Ross: She won't wanna go with me.
Jack Geller: Of course she would. You're a college man.
Ross: I don't know.
Jack Geller: Well, come on. Don't you wanna find out?
Rachel: I can't believe I don't get go to my own prom prom. This is so harsh!
Ross: Okay, Hold my board.
Jack Geller: Thataboy! Thataboy!

Jack Geller: Rachel, ready or not, here comes your knight in shining- Oh, no.
Monica: Bye, don't wait up.
Rachel: Chip.
Judy Geller: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
Jack Geller: Press the button.
Judy Geller: Which one? Which button? Jack.
Jack Geller: The button. The button.

Judy Geller: Where is my grandson? You didn't bring him?
Ross: No, he's at Carol's and Susan's today.
Jack Geller: A woman in my office is a lesbian. I'm just saying.