Rebecca: Look, the important thing is that we are as one forevermore. Honeys till the end of time.
Martin Teal: Well, Sam, I guess you wouldn't be interested in spending the next month tending bar at a seaside resort we reopened in Cancun?
Sam: I'm there. Whoa, hey.
Rebecca: Sam!
Sam: Oh, right. Yeah. Um, that wouldn't be fair to Rebecca here. Who could we get to replace me?
Martin Teal: Oh, no problem. I'll make an exchange with the bartender down there.
Sam: Well, then, I'm out of here. Hey, I'll see you in a month. Adios, amigos! [runs out]
Rebecca: Sam? Sam! Sam! Martin, is this your little way of breaking Sam and me up?
Martin Teal: It's a bona fide offer. I need an experienced man down there.
Rebecca: I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that, when Sam gets down there, and he's all alone, he's going to start roving. Well, I can tell you this. You can send Sam away for a month or a year, and he will only think of me.
Sam: [returns] Excuse me. Do they have drug stores down there, or should I pack an extra bag?

Diane: Look, Sam. Could we be in on the inception of a budding romance?
Sam: You talking about a foursome here?
Diane: How can you make a sweet, innocent flirtation into something tawdry?
Sam: I could tell you, but it'd be a lot more fun to show you.

Dr. Finch-Royce: Now, during the, uh, course of my counseling, I have come up with a number of scenarios, the responses to which give very useful pointers to a couple's compatibility. So, Sam, we'll start with you. You're on your honeymoon.
Sam: With Diane?
Dr. Finch-Royce: With Diane. Now, the two of you are on a tropical beach wearing nothing but your swimming togs.
Diane: Uh, Doctor, I do have a tendency to freckle.
Dr. Finch-Royce: Diane is wearing a big hat. Now, Sam, you see a woman walk by. Her flesh is tawny from the tropic sun. Her proud yet supple bosoms heave mightily against the constraints of her tiny bikini. You think she is the most beautiful creature that you have ever seen. At this moment, Diane turns to you and says, "A penny for your thoughts." Do you share them with her?
Sam: Uh, gee, that's, uh, that's hard to say. Wh- When you say "bikini", is it that French cut?
Diane: Sam!
Sam: I'm just trying to clarify things here. All right, all right, do I tell her? Um... No, of course not.
Diane: You wouldn't trust me to handle that?
Sam: Well, yes, of course I would. Did I say no? I meant yes.
Dr. Finch-Royce: All right. Diane, it's your wedding night. You and Sam have just made love, and Sam has not performed to your satisfaction. [Sam laughs] He asks you how it was. Do you tell him?
Diane: I never have before. [chuckling] I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I tell you I'm kidding. Of course I wouldn't tell him. It would hurt his feelings.

Rebecca: This is just too perfect. Evan found a nice little bowl for his goldfish to swim in. Safe, out of the reach of the other executive sharks.
Sam: Obviously, he forgot about the Great White Sammy.

Rebecca: Um, uh... Sam, wait. What about the Stooges?
Sam: They're all right, they're over at Cliff's.
Rebecca: No, no, Sam. What about the Three Stooges?
Sam: Oh, yeah, great. I like the Three Stooges. That helps a lot.
Rebecca: Wait a minute, Sam. Think about this. Do women like the Three Stooges?
Sam: No, they hate them.
Rebecca: All right. Are women impressed that you like the Three Stooges?
Sam: No, some of them even think they're stupid.
Rebecca: When you're watching the Three Stooges, do you think they're sexy?
Sam: No, when you watch the Three Stooges, nobody has time to think about sex or women. Hey, wait a minute. That means I do have another interest in my life. I like the Stooges for themselves. Hey, whoa, I'm okay. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

Rebecca: Hey, Sam, is what I heard true? You got a new Ferrari?
Sam: No, Volare.
Rebecca: Ooh.
Sam: Hey, Sammy is still Sammy. Babes are still babes. And I don't need a fancy car to catch them. As a matter of fact, when I was pulling up here, there were a couple of twins that couldn't take their eyes off me. Fellas, twins ahoy. Hello, lovely ladies. Can I help you?
Jennifer: Are you the man we just saw getting out of a Volare out front?
Sam: Little passion beige number? Could be. Could be.
Veronica: My God, it was him!
Jennifer: And he admitted it!
Rebecca: I wonder who your Corvette's dating tonight.
Sam: I got to get my car back.

Diane: Sam, I want you to know that what you just said out there just now set my heart to pounding. Boy, one thinks one knows oneself, but all those preconceptions fly out the window when the man in your life says, "l love you."
Sam: Who said that?
Diane: You did.
Sam: Oh, hey, honey, don't worry about that. That doesn't mean anything.
Diane: It doesn't?
Sam: I've used that as a line on a 100 girls.
Diane: You've never said it to me.
Sam: Are you kidding? I wouldn't waste a line on you. Now, what I mean by that is... is... you're not the kind of girl that you use a line on. You're the kind of girl that falls for sincerity. I don't mean that either. I mean, it's just something I say. I say it to Coach all the time. I say it to anybody who gets me tickets to the Hagler fight. I just say it. That's all.

Carla: Whoa, Sammy, what's up? You're breaking out the good stuff.
Sam: Yeah. Susan's coming over again.
Frasier: So, Sam, how are things between you and Susan?
Sam: Oh, uh, you know, pretty good, pretty good. You know, I take her out, we talk. We talk about school, about Kirby, life. You know, everything under the sun. Funny thing is, the more we talk, the more she likes me. The more she likes me, the more she trusts me. And the more she trusts me, the closer I get to snagging that car.
Frasier: Did anyone else's blood just run cold?
Sam: Oh, come on. I'm not doing anything wrong here. Give me a break, man. You know, I'm helping her out, as a matter of fact. She's going through some pretty difficult times. I'm taking her mind off of it.
Frasier: In other words, you deserve that car.
Sam: Well, I didn't want to say it, but I'm glad someone sees it my way, yeah.