Sam Quote #1148
Rebecca: Um, uh... Sam, wait. What about the Stooges?
Sam: They're all right, they're over at Cliff's.
Rebecca: No, no, Sam. What about the Three Stooges?
Sam: Oh, yeah, great. I like the Three Stooges. That helps a lot.
Rebecca: Wait a minute, Sam. Think about this. Do women like the Three Stooges?
Sam: No, they hate them.
Rebecca: All right. Are women impressed that you like the Three Stooges?
Sam: No, some of them even think they're stupid.
Rebecca: When you're watching the Three Stooges, do you think they're sexy?
Sam: No, when you watch the Three Stooges, nobody has time to think about sex or women. Hey, wait a minute. That means I do have another interest in my life. I like the Stooges for themselves. Hey, whoa, I'm okay. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
Quote from Norm
Norm: Yeah, or you could try using my problem. I've always had this terrible fear of being a failure.
Carla: You are a failure.
Norm: Well, then I've licked it.
Quote from Sam
Dr. Sheila Rydell: My professional opinion of you is that your every thought, word and deed revolves around sex. You have nothing else in your life. Without constant sex, you'd probably just shrivel up into a little, dried anchovy and die.
Sam: Well, who wouldn't? I mean, that's it? No bad stuff?
Dr. Sheila Rydell: Sam, there's nothing but bad stuff. You're an aging lothario who uses sex to cover up massive insecurity, a fear of true intimacy, fear of a relationship and quite frankly, not only a fear of dying, but a fear of living, too. You're one sick cowpoke.
Sam: I resent that. You know, you were shoveling down that lobster tonight like there was no tomorrow. You know, you even ate the green stuff and this is the thanks I get?
Quote from I Will Gladly Pay You Tuesday
Diane: Sam, I know you to be a man of pride and principle, but strength is also to be found in the ability to bend. Witness the willow, nature's strongest tree.
Sam: No, I thought the oak was the strongest tree.
Diane: Only in furniture.
Sam: What about the saying "strong as the mighty oak"?
Diane: The oak can be felled by a single harsh wind under the right circumstances.
Sam: All right, but what about birch and mahogany? Now, those--
Diane: Would you shut up about the damn trees?
Sam: You brought them up.
Quote from The Proposal
Sam: You know, for the longest time, I kept pretending about you. I guess I was afraid to really admit my feelings. But from the very start, down deep inside, I have been crazy about you. Crazier about you than any other woman I've ever met. I mean, hell, I was crazy about you even when I hated you. [Diane laughs] What I'm trying to say is will you marry me?
Sam: Are you serious?
Diane: I'm afraid I am.
Sam: Well... seems to me you have two choices. One, I can throw you in. Or two, you can jump in.