Photographer: Hey, listen, can we get a couple more shots of you guys?
Sam: Yeah, sure. You bet.
Tom: I appreciate this, Sam. I really do.
Sam: You didn't dump me when I had a drinking problem.
Tom: Uh... sure I did. You were just passed out at the time.

Sam: Hi, fellas.
Man #1: Hi, Sam. What's going on?
Sam: Well, I've got a little bit of a problem. Maybe you can help me out. See, I'm the owner of this bar.
Man #2: Yeah, we know. We read the article in the newspaper.
Sam: Oh, right. Right.
Man #2: That took a lot of guts.
Man #1: It really did.
Sam: Yeah. Uh...
Man #1: So what's your problem?
Sam: As a matter of fact, I don't have a problem. Coach, get these guys a beer on the house.
Coach: Right, Sam.

Norm: So, Sammy, guess who got the extra ticket.
Sam: Come on, Harry. Please, Harry, don't get us in any trouble tonight.
Harry: Oh, come on, Sam. I'll be good. In fact, I'm driving. What kind of car do you want to take?

Diane: I was going to say that it's totally hopeless, that I can't make any sense of our relationship at all.
Sam: Well, why do we have to make any sense of it? I think it's stupid. Whenever you think too much about something, it loses all its sense. I mean, obviously, the only reason I'm with you is because I lo-
Diane: What, Sam?
Sam: I said the reason why I'm with you is cos I lo-
Diane: You lo?
Sam: You know what I mean.
Diane: Well, what's the matter? Can't you say it?
Sam: Of course, I can. I lo-
Diane: Oh, don't you see? That phrase that you throw around so casually is now impossible for you to say. And why can't you say it? Because with me, it's no longer casual. I'm important to you. I matter.
Sam: No, no, this is silly. I mean, I can say anything I want to say. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.A peck of pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick. See?
Diane: OK. Now, say the other thing.
Sam: All right. I lo- I lo- I lo-
Diane: [opens the door] Hey, everybody. Sam can't say he loves me.
Carla: Who can?

Sam: Well, I wish you all the luck in the world.
Diane: Because we'll need it?
Sam: No. Gosh, no. I think you two are a pair made in heaven. I don't care what the skeptics say, I say the two of you will last... Let's see, what time is it now?
Diane: Sam, you're hurting now, aren't you? Admit it. It's not in the least surprising that you're bitter because I never took this step with you, but what Frasier and I have together is more substantial. What you and I had was exciting, tempestuous at times, but there was no future in it.
Sam: Yeah, you've got to be careful about that excitement stuff. I mean, too much of that and soon you're starting to expect life to be enjoyable. Then one day you wake up and all those years of pleasure have gone by and what have you got to show for it? Happiness.
Diane: How true.

Woody: Wow. You know, if I bet with a bookie, I'd have something to tell my grandchildren.
Diane: Sam, I don't think you should encourage Woody to pursue illegal activities.
Sam: Oh, lighten up, will you, Diane. It's a part of a guy's passage into maturity. You know, like going to a cathouse or whizzing off a balcony or mooning out of the back of a car.
Cliff: Or on a really good night, all three.
Norm: Ah, yes, the triple.

Sam: I'm sorry I'm late. Oh, hey, I bet you can't guess who I met at Janet's house last night.
Diane: Sam, please.
Sam: What?
Diane: This is really getting out of hand. In the month that you've been dating the lovely Councillor Eldridge you've done nothing but drop names. You'd think you'd never seen a celebrity before. So spare me your stargazing. [exits]
Norm: Hey, hey, Gary Hart. Gary Hart, there he is.
Sam: Oh, hey, senator.
Gary Hart: Hi, Sam, you left your coat in my car last night.
Sam: That's sweet of you to bring it by. Thank you.
Gary Hart: Least I could do for a Trivial Pursuit partner. By the way, thanks for your help with those sports questions.
Sam: Well, that's my strong point. Thank you for helping me with everything else.
Gary Hart: That's my strong point.
Sam: Yeah.

Sam: Uh Diane, I'm going to go home now and watch the, uh, last half of the Celtics game. All right?
Diane: Okay, Sam. See you in the morning.
Sam: Okay.
Diane: I'll be dreaming of you.
Sam: I'll be dreaming of me, too.

Sam: Give my best to Norm.
Diane: Well, aren't you coming?
Sam: Oh, I gotta take care of the bar here.
Diane: Oh, Sam, we've got to show Norman our impressive phalanx.
Sam: Oh, that's all right, honey. He saw mine at the gym.

Woody: Oh, boy, I need change for this 50.
Harry: You need change. Maybe I can help you, huh?
Woody: Great.
Cliff: Hold it, hold it.
Harry: Oh, come on, guys. Give me a break. I'm a reformed man.
Norm: Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you wouldn't mind if we monitored this little transaction.
Cliff: Yeah.
Harry: Wouldn't mind at all. Okay, you got 50 bucks. Here's one, two, three, four, five. Norm, what time is it?
Norm: 11:00.
Harry: 11, hmm? 12, 13, 14. Gee, my watch must be fast. I got, uh, 11:25. 26, 27, 28. Cliff, you have not aged a day. How old are you?
Cliff: Oh 39.
Harry: 39. 40, 41, forty... Wait. You can't be that old. When were you born?
Cliff: '47.
Harry: 48, 49, 50. There you go, barkeep.
Woody: Thank you.
Harry: Good to see you, guys.
Norm: Yeah.
Harry: Hey, Sam, long time no see.
Sam: What was Harry the Hat doing here?
Woody: He just came in for a beer.
Sam: Oh.
Woody: And some change.
Sam: Oh... [runs after Harry]