Pam: What is it? [Jim lifts the hog maw with a fork] Don't touch it.
Dwight K. Schrute: [Comes running up at startles Pam] Somebody's found the hog maw.
Pam: Oh!
Dwight K. Schrute: What? It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? I don't even want to tell you what it's made of until after you try it.
Stanley: Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat.
Dwight K. Schrute: It is stuffed pig stomach. And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib.

Dwight K. Schrute: He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease, and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
Jim: Win-win.
Dwight K. Schrute: Exactly. Thank you, Jim.

Pete: I'm just hoping German terrorists don't take over this Christmas party. Make me go all John McClane on their asses.
Erin: Wait, German terrorists? That's oddly specific. And I think- I think you mean John McCain.
Pete: "Die Hard" reference.
Erin: I haven't seen it.
Pete: You haven't seen "Die Hard"?

Michael Scott: I got it. We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.
Jim: What is Yankee Swap?
Michael Scott: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else's gift or choose a new gift.
Jim: I thought that was called Nasty Christmas.
Pam: Yeah, we call it White Elephant.
Michael Scott: Well, I call it fun!

Pam: Michael, what's going on?
Michael Scott: Carole and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances.
Jim: Will they still air Rudolph?

Michael Scott: You know what, Christmas isn't about Santa, or Jesus. It's about the workplace. All of you feel like my family. Ryan, you are my son. And Pam, you're my wife. And Jim. And Angela and Phyllis, you are my Grandmas. And Stanley, you're our mailman. And I can't help but look at all your wonderful beautiful faces and think, "How could they do this to us?"

Phyllis: Angela, you're going to move this for the party, right? It's not on theme.
Angela: It's the Nativity scene.
Phyllis: All right. You can keep your camel, sheep, elephant. And the North African king can stay. Everything else goes in the drawer.

Jim: That's the Christmas spirit.
Dwight K. Schrute: I am punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to give their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that. How does that happen? The king had sex with a unicorn? A man with a horn had sex with a royal horse?

Phyllis: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas boys and girls! It's me, Santa Claus!
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey Santa!
Oscar: They finally let you do it!
Phyllis: Yeah!
Kevin: Congrats Phil!
Erin: It's so edgy!
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: I have been wanting to be Santa for years. I believe I have the right temperament, and the figure to do the job well. I slipped a note to Jim eleven weeks ago, and he said I could do it. [laughs] Oh, it's been a long journey, but [sniffles] I'm Santa Claus!

Erin: Hello. Sorry guys. Sorry guys. I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet. But whoever is giving me the Twelve Days of Christmas as my Secret Santa? Please stop. I can't take it anymore. My cat killed a turtledove; the French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. Please. Stop.
Kelly: What psycho would send that as a gift?
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa. And I decided to give Erin the Twelve days of Christmas. Is it my fault that the first eight days is basically thirty birds?