Adult Adam: [v.o.] Just when I was feeling bad about my fight with Dave Kim, I ran into a Prince that was feeling even worse.
Adam: Mr. Glascott? Are you okay?
Mr. Glascott: I'm very not. I came in 17th out of 17.
Adam: Sorry to hear that.
Mr. Glascott: There was an Apollonia and a Vanity that both beat me. It never said anything about Prince's muses in the official rules. These people at Prince-o-ween, they run a very loose ship.

Mr. Glascott: And everything smells scrumptious, Bev. And the painful sting of not being on the original guest list hasn't dampened my excitement. Praise all.

Pop-Pop: Uh, Marvin, tell us more about the job.
Marvin: I'm a bank teller. I sit behind a cage. And I get to see how much more money everyone else has than me.
Barry: Boom! I think we fully covered Marvin's career journey. Next topic, let's say turtles.
Erica: Geoff, how many turtles passed you on the way to the finish line?
Adam: Mr. Glascott, I'll bet you've got something to say about turtles.
Mr. Glascott: Indeed I do. I had two turtles growing up... Sheldon and Michelle.

Mr. Glascott: Oh, I know how to reclaim the elusive festive spirit. Adam, why don't you go put on that adorable turkey costume you had on this morning.
Geoff: Turkey costume?
Adam: No, no. I was wearing Barry's Eagles jersey. Mr. Glascott gets his large birds mixed up.
Mr. Glascott: I can abide many an insult. But I do not get my large birds mixed up.

Adam: I'm sorry, but I made some plans with my pals from work.
Beverly: And their parents are okay with them roving around town like a bunch of sailors on shore leave?
Adam: They're 20, and it's dinner at a chain restaurant in the lobby of the Sheraton.
Mr. Glascott: You have been wanting to find the lad some same-aged compadres.
Adam: Wait. You guys discuss my social life?
Mr. Glascott: You're one of our favorite subjects. That, and Ginzy's impossibly green lawn. What is she doing that I'm not? And why is she such a [bleep] about it?

Principal Ball: I bring news. Ms. Cinoman is taking a leave of absence to produce her one-woman show, "Loneliness: A Love Story With Myself."
Mr. Glascott: I read an early draft. One of the characters was wine.
Principal Ball: She's a giant mess. But the immediate issue is the Winter Gourd Fest.
Mr. Glascott: These Quakers will really celebrate anything.
Principal Ball: We have no one to direct our musical program.
Beverly: I have the perfect solution. Uh, my son is in a creative rut, but it's been well-documented that he's a genius in all things entertainment.
Mr. Glascott: Not so fast. My production of Oklahoma! inspired the school's newspaper cleverly worded review "OK is Okay."

Adult Adam: [v.o.] So, Mr. Perott asked out my mom. Even though she was clueless, Barry was not happy. And he was not alone.
Mr. Glascott: [enters] Your mom was on the back of a hog!
Barry: He asked her to dinner!
Mr. Glascott: The meal where connections are made!
Barry: We have to stop this!
Mr. Glascott: Thank goodness you feel the same!
Barry: Come here. [they hug]
Mr. Glascott: You know, that's our first hug.
Barry: Eh, let's not linger on it.
Mr. Glascott: I always thought I'd hug Adam first, then Erica, and you last.
Barry: I knew you weren't gonna be able to hug me normally.

Erica: You two will stop at nothing.
Barry: Is that a giant Pixy Stix?
Erica: Mr. Glascott, I'm sorry to tell you this, but [sighs] your jealousy is a waste of time. My mom doesn't think of you that way.
Mr. Glascott: How dare you! My heart belongs to my ex. She sent me a letter through her lawyer demanding more spousal support. [chuckles] She's such a flirt.
Erica: So why are you all worked up?
Mr. Glascott: Because I have my cousin Gerald in my back pocket for your mom when she's ready for romance. He has his own bait shop, so she'll never want for small fish to catch bigger fish.

Slim Goodbody: [on video] Make sure you eat a rainbow of foods every day.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep, before Google, this guy was how we learned the human form.
Mr. Glascott: He is a hero of the edu-tainment world. And he was all mine. Until he bailed for his niece's bat mitzvah in Ann Arbor. I guess family is more important than $1,000.
Barry: Dollars. I heard dollars.
Adam: All for prancing around in his veiny underwear?
Mr. Glascott: Plus lodging, travel, and for some reason, 500 red M&M's.

Beverly: Thanks for helping me carry in my groceries.
Mr. Glascott: Oh, the pleasure is mine. [chuckles] That's a lie. I have a pinched nerve in my back, and I shouldn't be carrying these or anything else.
Beverly: Well, let me give you a tranquilizer my doctor said I didn't need, but that I demanded anyway. [cabinet doors won't open] Well, that's strange.
Mr. Glascott: Allow me. I have a sturdy core from my days of baton twirling.