Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, my family had plenty of missteps when it came to love. But for one magic moment, it seemed like the gods of love were smiling on all of us. I was with Brea, Barry had Ren, and Erica and Geoff were as strong as ever. Even my dad's friend Bill Lewis had found someone.
Bill Lewis: My angel, Dolores, I promise to cherish you, and to listen to you recount your dreams no matter how dumb they are, and to smile when I eat what you call a taco salad. Why would you toss a pear in there?
Officiant: This is a courthouse. We don't have time for vows. Is your witness here?
Bill Lewis: Mur-man, you're up.
Murray: And I gotta tell you, I'm ready, except I'm not putting my hand on a Bible.
Officiant: I just need your signature.

Bill Lewis: Hi. We're here for the murder. Ha! That's not something people say.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was game on between Erica and Barry. Meanwhile, our murder-mystery party was taking off.
Dolores: Oh, oh, oh. That's crab, Billy. You're highly allergic.
Bill Lewis: Blazes. I love that sweet sea meat, but I love breathing more. Good catch, babe.
Dolores: One clam almost ruined our whole trip to Myrtle Beach. That was a nasty rash.

Beverly: Murray, you could've seriously hurt Bill.
Murray: Nah, I saw him accidentally eat some popcorn shrimp at a Sixers game. I figured it was worth it.
Bill Lewis: For fun like that, you can play fast and loose with my life anytime.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] And just like that, my dad dragged me into brainstorming how to be more involved with his wife.
Adam: Looking past the obvious weirdness, can I ask why your adult best friend is on my bed?
Bill Lewis: You're lucky, little man... you got the best mattress in the whole house.
Adam: And you know that because...
Bill Lewis: Oh, I water your plants when you're out of town, but the details aren't important. What's important is getting the Mur-man back in your mama's good graces.

Murray: Exactly. You two morons seem to keep your women happy, so I thought I could ask you both for some tips.
Adam: My first tip would be to not go to your child for advice on intimacy.
Murray: And your second tip?
Adam: Just get in that hot tub with her.
Bill Lewis: Amen to that, Mur. Hop in that lobster pot with your lady. Sooth the aches and pains of your body and marriage. Also, what happens under that foam... Oh, boy.

Dolores: Give me that marker. Me and Bill have the magic touch, too.
Bill Lewis: A horse.
Dolores: What? Why would that be a horse?
Bill Lewis: Plain as day that's a pony's tongue.
Dolores: Why would I start by drawing the tongue?
Bill Lewis: Because it's the most expressive part of a horse.
Dolores: Okay, so you're saying you can tell a horse just by the tongue?
Bill Lewis: If it's done with nuance, yes.

Bill Lewis: Hey, Mur! Dolores sent me to borrow your blender. She's making melon soup. 'Cause who don't want cold fruit stew?

Bill Lewis: Hey, buddy. Little worried about ya. For old time's sake, why don't you kick back in your old chair and pop off those pants? [Murray grumbles] I can't talk to you with your pants on, Mur! Open up to me! Let's get those things around your ankles!
Murray: Get your hands off me!

Bill Lewis: Kid's right. I tell Dolores everything. Except that I hate her melon soup and Debra Winger wasn't my high school girlfriend, though I think she knows.