Beverly: Dolores, your wedding day is the most important day of your life. Murray and I will never forget ours.
Murray: Yeah, it was the dead of winter.
Beverly: July 3rd.
Murray: There was a chill in the air.
Beverly: The cake melted.
Murray: Memories. The slide show of my mind.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, my family had plenty of missteps when it came to love. But for one magic moment, it seemed like the gods of love were smiling on all of us. I was with Brea, Barry had Ren, and Erica and Geoff were as strong as ever. Even my dad's friend Bill Lewis had found someone.
Bill Lewis: My angel, Dolores, I promise to cherish you, and to listen to you recount your dreams no matter how dumb they are, and to smile when I eat what you call a taco salad. Why would you toss a pear in there?
Officiant: This is a courthouse. We don't have time for vows. Is your witness here?
Bill Lewis: Mur-man, you're up.
Murray: And I gotta tell you, I'm ready, except I'm not putting my hand on a Bible.
Officiant: I just need your signature.

Beverly: Stop! Nobody sign a damn thing!
Bill Lewis: Oh, no. She found us. How?
Beverly: This morning Murray says he's going out for a walk, and naturally I assumed he's terminally ill or having an affair, so I followed him.
Bill Lewis: A walk, Murray? That's a lie as lazy as the man who told it.

Beverly: Life-changing news, everyone.
Barry: We're going on safari! And I'm gonna walk across some rocks on a river only to realize they're hippos.
Geoff: I have no information, but I'm positive that's all wrong.
Beverly: In the next 24 hours, you all are gonna help me plan a wedding.
Geoff: Yay!
Erica: Zero chance.
Adam: No, thanks.
Barry: In Africa?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was November 4th, 1980-something, and my mom was attempting to do the impossible... plan an entire wedding with less than 24-hours notice.
Linda Schwartz: We got here as soon as we could. What happened to Murray?
Virginia Kremp: Did he take a header down the stairs because his feet are so swollen?
Essie Karp: Are his injuries consistent with blunt-force trauma and you have a rock-solid alibi, but we know in our hearts it was you?
Beverly: Close. He's barely helping me throw a wedding by tomorrow.
Virginia Kremp: Dang it, Beverly! I had a tennis lesson with Lars. Lars!
Beverly: Good. Channel that weird, middle-aged energy into this. Ginzy, I need enough flowers for a presidential funeral. Linda, I need you to cater a meal for a hundred picky eaters. Essie... prove yourself useful.
Essie Karp: I once went to a wedding that had a really fun psychic. Oh, she was a hoot.
Beverly: Did she predict how useless you'd be in this moment?

Jane Bales: I introduced Bill and Dolores. I don't want you screwing this up.
Beverly: Please. I am the best party planner in Montgomery County, Southern New Jersey, and the entire Eastern seaboard south of Delaware.
Jane Bales: Well, that's impossible because I am. And the rest of the U.S. and Puerto Rico and Guam.
Beverly: I once threw myself a baby shower while I was giving birth.
Jane Bales: I threw a quinceañera for a 50-year-old white guy. It was super weird, but it was his day.
Beverly: I once threw a Cinco de Mayo party on Ocho de Octubre.
Jane Bales: I threw a surprise party for myself, and I had no idea.
Beverly: Thanks, but no, thanks. I have it covered.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] While my dad dodged his wedding duties, we got hit with a long list of chores.
Barry: I can't believe Mom would actually ask us to do manual labor.
Adam: [holding rake] What even is this thing?
Erica: My God, you know nothing. It's called a yard fork.
Barry: Now it's a Kenpo thrusting lance!

Beverly: What the hell is this?
Virginia Kremp: An elegant centerpiece of tulips and begonias.
Beverly: You expect someone to look at this and feel anything but sick?
Virginia Kremp: Maybe whimsy? Beverly, I do think you're pushing us a little hard here.
Linda Schwartz: I already made 350 cucumber sandwiches. I think that's enough.
Essie Karp: Yeah, and I agreed to iron napkins, not whatever these are.
Beverly: Those are Murray's formal intimates, and you will put that iron wherever I tell you to. Now, getting rid of all this. We're gonna start over.
Linda Schwartz: I am done.
Beverly: Good! 'Cause despite your mediocre efforts, you've really set me back.
Essie Karp: I'm right behind you, Linda. I can't believe I wasted my morning creasing your husband's butt rags.
Virginia Kremp: And I said some hateful words in the bathroom to myself, so I need to go apologize to my children.
Beverly: Well, good riddance! I'll just draw a frown on a sack of flour to replace you!

Beverly: What am I looking at?
Murray: That's one of one hundred premium wedding chairs.
Beverly: This chair is for a child.
Murray: Nah. It's perfect.
Beverly: Well, if it's so perfect, why don't you sit down.
Murray: Because I prefer to stand. I like being on the balls of my feet, ready to pounce.
Beverly: Sit!
Murray: [groans] All right. There you go. Well, that's, uh... that's quite comfortable. I like being so close to my knees.
Beverly: You can sit that way through the whole ceremony?
Murray: I'm in a great deal of pain.
Beverly: Dammit, Murray, you failed me, like everyone else! What am I supposed to do now?!
Murray: I'm gonna tell you what I tell our kids. There's nothing wrong with quitting.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] As my mom and Jane Bales joined forces, the strength of our bonds was about to be tested.
Geoff: Hey, guys. You ready?
Ren: Almost. Let me just touch up my lipstick.
Barry: Because I smooched it off.
Erica: [gags] I'll never get used to it.