Pops: Hey, kiddo. I heard what you said the other day loud and clear.
Adam: Then why are you here with that rolling battleship?
Pops: I thought you'd want to take it to your party. When you roll up with this baby, you'll be fighting trixies off with a stick.
Adam: You certainly know what a modern boy wants, but you're not even supposed to be driving.
Pops: Enjoy the Caddy. [tosses keys]
Adam: I don't want the Caddy. [tosses keys back]
Pops: You got to take the Caddy. [tosses keys back]
Adam: Stop saying "Caddy," and stop throwing Caddy keys at me. [tosses keys back]
Pops: I know we had a rough patch the other day, but let me do this for my best bud.
Adam: I don't want this. I don't want your help. I just want to be left alone.
Pops: Okay, then. I get it. You don't want me.
Johnny: Oof. That was rough. Hope you have the same presence of mind when Paula Abdul demands her pants back.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was February 26th, 1980-something, and I was getting ready to eat what I ate every day... Hot crap.
Adam: I thought it was square pizza day.
Doris: And I thought it was dork-free lunch line day. It didn't work out for any of us.
Adam: I wasn't looking for a give and take, Doris.

Matt Schernecke: Where are we headed for lunch, my good man? Shakey's? That other Shakey's that's closer but scarier?
Brea: I'm just excited to get off campus. The freedom's intoxicating.
Adam: Know what's better than freedom? The tried and true flavors of our own cafeteria.
Emmy: Ha. You clearly didn't get your mom's signature.
Adam: I got my mom's J. Hancock. Not that I need it. I'm my own man. This shirt/cords combo was all me.
Brea: Great. I mean, not the pants, but you can drive us to the mall food court.

Beverly: Murray, stop yelling at Adam. He's just a boy.
Murray: I don't care if he's 12. He's aggravating me.
Adam: I'm 17. I've tried beer. Not a fan, but I've heard good things about banana daiquiris.
Beverly: Please, Schmoo, you're not an adult yet. I've seen your little banana daiquiri.
Adam: What... What did you say? I just blacked out.
Murray: [laughs] And I got it all on videotape. How does it feel?
Adam: Hilarious. You pressed the "off" button.
Murray: Damn complicated buttons!

Beverly: Will you two get out here and help me bring in the groceries?
Murray: You couldn't have brought a bag with you on your way in?
Beverly: You too, Adam.
Adam: I guess I got to the age where I carry stuff now.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] With our fake fishing trip cut short, the only choice we had was to show my mom what we caught.
[on TV :]
Adam: This is the best.
Murray: It sure is! You know, this fishing pole is nature's TV remote.
Adam: Don't you dare change that channel.
Murray: [chuckles] You're my son.
Adam: You're my dad.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Sure, it was sloppy and unbelievable, but my mom ate it all up.
Murray: You know, it's late. We should get some rest.
Adam: We have been fishing for 10 hours.
Murray: Well, that's the normal amount of time.
Adam: Hmm. And action.
Murray: Good night, tiger.
Adam: Right back atcha, tiger.
Murray: How many times I got to tell you, you don't... [static crackles] I love camping.

Beverly: Huh. A new giant lake fish. Adam?
Adam: I suppose that could happen. I... I mean, in Jaws 4, a shark held a grudge and followed a family down the Eastern Seaboard to terrorize them. So, yeah, that's, like, our fish.
Beverly: Jaws 4?
Adam: It wasn't very good. But now might be a nice time to retire to the den and watch it.

Beverly: Look at this! Someone loves his new bike, and he loves the person that gave it to him even more.
Pops: That's your takeaway from the boy rubbing the thing up with a shammy?
Adam: Oh, this is no shammy. This is a microfiber cleaning cloth. It restores a bike's natural luster without causing what we in the paint game call "impact crackle."
Beverly: What are you talking about?
Pops: I think he's cleaning it.

Beverly: Well, now that it's all sparkly, why don't take it back out, jump some puddles?
Adam: Puddles? No, no, no, no, no. It was a huge mistake to ride it. Never again.
Beverly: Never again? But I saw your face, you've never looked happier.
Adam: But I wasn't considering the harmful elements. We're talking fire, water, earth. Not to mention the deadliest of all... Air.
Pops: You're worried about air?
Adam: Dust, smoke, dirt, soot, unknown particulates, pollen... That one's had a target on my back for a while.
Beverly: But it's fun. [bicycle bell rings]
Adam: [gasps] Careful! The glands in your fingers secrete harmful oils!
Beverly: Adam, it's a bike. I think you're being a tad overprotective. The hell's that?
Pops: It looks like a see-through box.
Adam: Good eye. It's a protective Lucite case. Ideally, I'd have it in what the CDC calls a "clean room." But this'll have to do until those paper pushers call me back.

Beverly: Oh, here it is! Here it is! On your verbal portion, you got in the 90th percentile!
Pops: That's really high! [chuckles]
Beverly: Okay, and on your math... you got in the bottom 5th percentile.
Pops: That's really low.
Adam: Is it? I'm not really a numbers guy.
Pops: Yeah, I'm getting that.