Beverly: Adam, tell me the truth right now.
Adam: Fine! We faked everything and bought that at the market!
Murray: Moron! We had it made!
Adam: We would have been if you weren't a cheapskate and bought fish that wasn't on sale!
Murray: I don't know from fish! And I can't believe I spent a half-hour fake camping with you.
Adam: Don't worry. I'll never go fake camping with you again.
Murray: Look what you've done! You've embarrassed your mother in front of Charleston, Lindy, and little Chim-Chim!
Virginia: Lindy?
Chad: Chim-Chim?

Erica: Okay, well, let's see what else we're working with. Andy, go.
Andy: [sings high-pitched note]
Erica: That was beautiful and haunting.
Andy: I was a soprano in children's choir until puberty cursed me. My parents forced me to take a series of shots, but the tide of manhood came anyway.

Murray: Now we got to freeze out here all night for nothing.
Adam: We can start a fire.
Murray: You know how to start a fire?
Adam: I think you rub a stick on a rock and then blow on it.
Murray: You blow on a stick and a rock?
Adam: I don't know. I'm an inside kid, not a frontiersman.

Geoff: Guess who has two thumbs and great news, even though one of those thumbs was injured opening a bottle of Snapple and I should see a doctor.
Erica: Just say the thing, Geoff.
Geoff: This guy! Ow. I got us two tickets to see The Go-Go's.
Erica: Pass.
Geoff: But The Go-Go's are your favorite band.
Erica: Just take Barry or one of the other misshapen dopes in the JTP.
Geoff: Barry doesn't like girl rock. He said it scares and titillates him. And then he giggled when he said "titillate," like, a lot.
Erica: He lost it when our Aunt Rose had angina.

Erica: What the hell is that?
Barry: The sound of angels or possibly human ladies? They're making instrument noises with their beautiful mouths.
Geoff: Oh, no, Erica. It's a cappella music. Should I spray them with a garden hose or wing a trash can lid at them?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] It was March 18th, 1980-something, and like always, my dad was fighting with the VCR.
Murray: Damn it! I need my Night Court! It's the only thing that brings me joy.
Adam: What about your family?
Murray: I said what I said.
Adam: Why do you always smack everything?
Murray: Maybe it'll jar something loose.
Adam: [chuckles] You mean the delicate electronic components?

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yeah, my dad hated technology.
Murray: Soften my potato!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] And technology hated him back.
Murray: I got a message for you! You're a piece of crap!
Murray: Stop skipping. Stop skipping. Stop skipping!
Adult Adam: [v.o.] But nothing agitated him more than our dot matrix printer. He always had it out with that thing. No one loved capturing the rage more than me.
Murray: Ah! Damn printer! It's stuck again!
Adam: Once again, the mighty printer has bested its most intense rival, the lazy, dumb man.
Murray: Put your stupid camera down and help me!

Beverly: Murray, stop yelling at Adam. He's just a boy.
Murray: I don't care if he's 12. He's aggravating me.
Adam: I'm 17. I've tried beer. Not a fan, but I've heard good things about banana daiquiris.
Beverly: Please, Schmoo, you're not an adult yet. I've seen your little banana daiquiri.
Adam: What... What did you say? I just blacked out.
Murray: [laughs] And I got it all on videotape. How does it feel?
Adam: Hilarious. You pressed the "off" button.
Murray: Damn complicated buttons!

Beverly: Will you two get out here and help me bring in the groceries?
Murray: You couldn't have brought a bag with you on your way in?
Beverly: You too, Adam.
Adam: I guess I got to the age where I carry stuff now.

All: [harmonizing] Come, come, come in
Barry: Yeah.
Erica: The hell's this?
Barry: This is the Barry-Tones, my new musical mouth quartet.
Naked Rob: I'm the bass.
Matt: I'm also the bass.
Andy: What's a bass?