Beverly: Ben?
Pop-Pop: I know you told me to come over at 4:00, but I have no heat, and you people like to burn money, so here I am.
Beverly: You brought a little something? Thank you. It's empty.
Pop-Pop: It's for leftovers. I'm on a fixed income. Oh, where's your can? I took a hit off the garden hose and my bladder is the size of a cashew.
Beverly: There's one upstairs.
Pop-Pop: Ooh-la-la. Second floor. Oh, look at this one with the fancy head glasses.
Adam: They're for seeing. Also, hello, Granddad.

Adam: And you put that right here in a book about food. So, you clearly know what you're doing.
Beverly: Would you mind reading the whole thing, and telling me what you think before I send it in?
Adam: I think I get it. A horse drags a lady, pancake dippers, a cousin gets stomped. You got yourself a winner, lady.

Beverly: There he is!
Adam: Gah! Were you just waiting for me at the door?
Beverly: Well, yes, but only for hours. Now, tell me, tell me, tell me how much you loved it. I'll start you off. "It was perfect."
Adam: I-I hear people saying that... Like you, right now. [Beverly chuckles] And I also want to add... You did it, girl.
Beverly: Yeah, well, what about my writing, my stories? Were they everything you thought, and more?
Adam: Oh, so much more. You did it, girl!
Beverly: You said that already. Get to it.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Well, I had given her the top slice of bread. I guess it was time for the meat.
Adam: I hated it hard. Change every word.
Beverly: Excuse me?
Adam: But wait, before you get upset... [stammers] You did it, girl.
Beverly: What are you saying to me?
Adam: Oh, balls! My sandwich sucked!

Adult Adam: [v.o.] My mom finally got that her cookbook wasn't great, so she brought me an apology that was.
Beverly: Schmoopy, I made your favorite... Ooey-gooey marshmallow cookie bars.
Adam: Wait, you made me cookie bars after I told you your life's work was a smelly garbage fire?
Beverly: You never said those words.
Adam: Out loud.

Harrison Whitby: I love it.
Beverly: Oh, I knew it! Beverly Goldberg is gonna be a household name.
Harrison Whitby: Beverly Goldberg? Oh, no, I'm reading the wrong book. Oh, your book. Your book is crap.
Beverly: What? But I took out all the blood and historical tragedy!
Harrison Whitby: I don't know what that means. But this right here feels like it was written by a sappy, sheltered simpleton.
Adam: Ouch. Kind of harsh.
Harrison Whitby: Okay, who are you?
Adam: Her hyper-sensitive son who takes her setbacks personally.

Adam: Except you're forgetting one thing.
Adult Adam: [v.o.] Yep. We had our own crazy holiday cards. But the matching outfits and stupid poses hid the fact that every single session was torture.
Adam: It looks like a yearbook for an insane asylum.
Murray: Ha! He got you good, Bevy. Hey, kid, I like having you around.
Adam: Thanks, I guess. I'm your son who lives here, so it's a little weird.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, the hottest trends were Jams, Wayfarer, Swatch watches, and acid-wash jeans. But at William Penn Academy, there was one item of colorful wool clothing that the biggest trendsetters were never without.
Adam: Is it just me, or does everyone but us have a letterman jacket?
Dave Kim: Speak for yourself, bro.
Adam: Did I miss the day they sell the clothes from the lost and found?
Dave Kim: We earned these. I lettered in badminton.
Emmy: Dive team.
Dan: Bass fishing.
Adam: Wow. This school's athletic department has really grown in the last few years.

Mr. Perott: So, we start with your signature look. For example, I always have a pair of sunglasses on me, just in case I need to dramatically toss them off like this. [sunglasses thud]
Adam: Your disregard for eyewear makes me know you mean business.
[cut]
Mr. Perott: Next, ABCG... Always Be Chewing Gum. That way, you look both busy and laid-back all at once.
Adam: Laid-back and busy. I'll be like a CEO from California.
[cut]
Mr. Perott: Third... Make sure you never give anyone your full attention. [snaps fingers] I'm over here. See how you got a little confused there, like there was something more interesting behind you? There wasn't. I just made that up.
Adam: So rude and effective.
Mr. Perott: And finally, whenever you're walking, play a kick-ass jam in your head.
Adam: Would the Ewok celebration song Yub Nub work?
Mr. Perott: I've never heard it before, but no.

[Adam hugs Pops]
Pops: What's this for?
Adam: For everything you do. Thanks.
Pops: No thanks needed. But I'll take it.

Adult Adam: [v.o.] Back in the '80s, there wasn't a Hollywood awards show every week. There was just one. I loved it. The Oscars.
[montage:]
Adam: Atta boy, Rain Man! Eighty-two toothpicks and one shiny statuette!
Adam: Yes, Meryl. Sophie might've had a tough choice, but the Academy sure didn't.
Adam: Robert De Niro! More like Robert my hero.
Adam: I agree. You rocked me, Amadeus.
Pops: Who the hell are you talking to?